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to be a little bit upset that DS hasn't been included in the nursery souvenir?

(68 Posts)
choceyes Wed 27-Mar-13 09:15:45

DS's nursery has made a tea towel type thing with a little picture or hand print done by each child. Parents can buy it as a souvenir.

When I looked yesterday, DS wasn't on it, and when I mentioned this to the nursery manager who was passing by, she said it was done on a day that DS was off sick. DS was off sick due to a tummy bug for two consecutive days in Feb, and before that hasn't been ill for over a year. Manager said that she was in a rush to do the tea towel as there was a deadline.
DD who goes to the same nursery does have her handprint on it.
When I looked closely last night (nursery sent a pic of it by e-mail), a couple of other kids who I know hadn't been included either, they both attend different days to when the tea towel was done.

AIBU a bit upset that DS (who has been at this nursery for the longest, 3.5yrs) hasn't been included, and that AIBU to think that the nursery manager should have got all the kids on it before she made the tea towel, even if it meant making it a few weeks later? What good is a nurseyr souvenir when not all the kids are on it?!
I feel a bit bad for DS, because he has been the tea towel as it's pinned up near the entrance, and he was looking for his name sad. I'm not sure he cares, but I feel a bit sad.

AIBU? Prepared to be told I am, maybe I am overthinking this massively.

Jengnr Wed 27-Mar-13 09:18:21

I would be upset too.

jennybeadle Wed 27-Mar-13 09:18:46

YANBU, at all.

However, you're just going to have to live with it, unless you and the other parents can ask for it to be done again with all the children. Schools sometimes do these as a lucrative fundraiser, so I'm surprised the manager didn't go to more trouble to be inclusive!

Sirzy Wed 27-Mar-13 09:19:40

I would be annoyed but if they had to work to a short deadline then I suppose their isn't much they can do although perhaps in future they should try to plan things so they aren't done in such a rush.

choceyes Wed 27-Mar-13 09:55:36

Thanks. Good to know that I'm not being unduly upset by this.

Not sure if I should mention it or not really. The manager did say that this was a test run (although she has put it out on sale now) and they might do another one. Not sure if she just said it to appease me though. She is a really nice manager and usually very organised. I'm confused by this "rush" to make it though. How is it that you can only make a tea towel at a certain given time? It's not like it's a rush for a christmas or some other sigificant holiday deadline is it?

I also feel sad, that all his friends will be buying it and in years to come won't remember DS, as he won't be there on the tea towel.

Oh well, nothing much I can do about it now I guess. Question is do I buy it for not? My DD is on it. But how can I explain in the future that DD is on it and despite DS being at the nursery at the same time he is not on it? Now I am really overthinking it aren't I?!

CloudsAndTrees Wed 27-Mar-13 09:58:56

I'd feel sad about it too, but I would still buy it for dd. your ds will be able to understand that he was off school sick the day it was made without getting upset.

Hulababy Wed 27-Mar-13 09:59:15

We have done these at school.

If a child is away the teaching staff do a picture for the missing chuld, and where possible, try to get his/her name included using a piece of work in the class room.

livinginwonderland Wed 27-Mar-13 10:00:58

we had these at school, but with "self-portraits" and "signatures" instead of handprints. i'd be upset, but i'd buy it anyway. i still remember my classmates from that teatowel <sounds pathetic>

DeskPlanner Wed 27-Mar-13 10:02:03

YANBU, this would make me sad.

OnwardBound Wed 27-Mar-13 10:05:58

No, I don't think you are overthinking this at all.

I would be very upset if my DS was left off the nursery souvenir and it actually sounds like bad management to me.

Why was there such a tight deadline that several children were not included [had the deadline been forgotten by nursery manager perhaps?]

And anyone, imo it is irrelevant whether your DS is upset at his name being omitted or not [although I could imagine my DS of nearly 4yo being disappointed if this was him because he loves seeing his name and photo on anything at his nursery school].

The souvenir is really for the parents and this actually sounds like a lovely one, all those little handprints, a real snapshot in time.

It would have been so nice for you to have one with your DS and your DD, not just your DD, something for you all to look back on in the years to come.

InsertCleverNameChangeHere Wed 27-Mar-13 10:15:55

I would feel upset too, if I was in your position. I have a box of keepsakes for each of my children, so I could be considered quite sentimental. I think it would be unfair to your DD if you didn't buy it just because your DS isn't on it. Whether you decide to buy it or not for other reasons would be a different matter. If your DS asks why he isn't on it, just be matter-of-fact about it.

Fwiw, I think the nursery should have been more organised and given themselves more time to make sure they could get all the children.

choceyes Wed 27-Mar-13 10:18:45

Thank you so much for your replies.

I feel really quite emotional about it now. I've spoked to my mum and my mum told me how she had always spoken up at any injustices done to me (not delibarately, but things like this) whilst at school and that is really important to speak up about things like that, and I shouldn't just accept it and that is important for DS for his mental wellbeing to feel included and part of his nursery and his friends. Maybe a tad overdramatic, but I get what she is trying to say.

I think I should say something. Do you think I should e-mail the manager or speak to her face to face. I'm rubbish at making my point face to face though, I'd probably get really emotional and accept whatever excuse she gives me. Maybe I should go in at lunchtime and speak to her (it's just across the road from work) rather than when I'm with 2 small tired children at the end of the day.

choceyes Wed 27-Mar-13 10:20:44

I'm really not a sentimental person normally, but this has made me upset. Probably because DS has been at this nursery since he was 10 months old and he is now nearly 4.5yrs, so the nursery has been a huge part of his life so far.

stressyBessy22 Wed 27-Mar-13 10:20:57

How many days a week does he normally go? If it is only 2 then it would be 2 weeks between sessions, which WNBU, If he goes every day then YANBU

DIYapprentice Wed 27-Mar-13 10:23:45

YANBU - I'd be really upset about it. I think they would have been better off not doing it at all rather than doing it in such a poor manner.

ajandjjmum Wed 27-Mar-13 10:30:40

I think I would speak to the manager face to face - make a set time to see her - and say that having reflected upon this, you're actually even more upset than you were originally.

I know that she is unlikely to be able to do anything about it now, but I think she should be made aware of the fact that the seeming 'exclusion' is very hurtful and upsetting.

Point out to her that your DS has been there for 3.5 yrs. and other children - such as your DD - have been included when they've only been in nursery for a short time.

If she's good enough to be a manager, she should have been able to think this through and make the appropriate arrangements, and some children were inevitably going to be absent on any given day.

DD is 20 this year, and we still have a tea-towel that she and her nursery friends drew their faces on - pretty worn out now, but even so! smile

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 27-Mar-13 10:30:47

We do this at nursery.

There usually is a tight deadline - a week or so. No idea why. We have them done at the same time every year, but there's always a frantic rush to get them back, with lots of pressure from the printing company. We do get a good rate, though, so I suppose they want the images to print when it suits them.

I'm very surprised they printed without something for everyone, though. It's against all inclusion guidelines, and expressly forbidden everywhere I've worked. If the child really can't draw something at nursery, we use something they have already drawn, or ask the parents to bring something, or as a very last resort, a staff member draws for the child so that they are included.

Seems very mean to just leave people out. Although the point on how often he attends could be crucial, I suppose.

choceyes Wed 27-Mar-13 10:43:23

He attends (and DD also) 3 days a week. He was sick on the Mon and Tues and was back on the Wed, then off till the week after. And that is the ONLY time he's been sick since Jan 2012. No mention of this tea towel at all, even on his return on the Wed. First time I ever heard of it was when I saw it pinned up on the notice board right in front of the entrance when we left nursery yesterday. I excitedly pointed it out to DS saying, look DS it'll the children at nursery, and we scanned through it and then I had to tell DS his name wasn't on it.
Like DIYapprentice said it would have been better not to do it at all than doing it like this and leaving some of the children out.

choceyes Wed 27-Mar-13 10:49:02

CajaDeLaMemoria - you are right. They could have asked me to get DS to draw something at home and bring it in with me (if they really didn't have anything at nursery that he'd done - which I find hard to believe as they have their own drawers and development folders, so there must have been SOMETHING...even if his key worker just made something up in DS's usual way of drawing, just to get his name on this tea towel, would have been better than nothing), as I still went into nursery on those 3 days to drop off and collect DD.
The more I think about it the more pissed off I'm getting. There really is no excuse.

choceyes Wed 27-Mar-13 11:33:33

I have e-mailed and said I wish to come in at lunchtime and speak to the manager.
What shall I say?
Points I want to make is that I feel that a nurseyr souvenir should include all the children at the nursery, even if there was a deadline, his keyworker could have found a something that DS had done or even just scribbled a stick man, just so DS's name was on it.
That it is not very inclusive of them to exclude a child, especially a 4.5yr old who know what this means, not like it's a 6 month old baby, and who could potentially feel excluded by this, thereby feeling hurt and confused.
They could have asked me to get him to do a drawing at home(all the preschool children did a stick man pic of themselves, the rest of the nursery did handprints) and bring it alone with me, seeing as I was coming into nursery anyway with DD.
He's one of the children who's been there the longest, and that it's such a shame, that the only souvenir that they have done during the time he attended nursery, has excluded him.

Anything else? Sorry I know it's not a big deal in the huge scheme of things, but it helps me to write it down anyway, so I'm prepared in what I'm saying to the manager.

Pandemoniaa Wed 27-Mar-13 11:44:09

When talking to the manager I'd be inclined to concentrate on the way the souvenir production was managed and avoid getting too emotional. Not that you are wrong to feel emotional about the situation, I hasten to add.

But it was wrong to rush the job and not consider who had been excluded since I suspect it would always be impossible to find a day when 100% of the children were at nursery. This is why you should have been given advance notice about the production of the souvenir and, most importantly, how the staff would go about including contributions from all the children. Tell the manager how disappointed you are that their good idea was so flawed by poor organisation.

fluffyraggies Wed 27-Mar-13 11:48:40

I think your points are spot on, and yes - take a little note in with you to glance at and keep you on track.

The usual advice for complaining is to have a 'and i would like ...' at the end of it. Otherwise there is the opportunity for the other party to say - well, what do you want me to do about it in a dismissive sort of way (I'm sure she wont though) which can lead to an awkward impasse.

No idea what you can ask for as a resolution. Except, perhaps, to ask that this doesnt happen again. To your DC or anyone elses!

I wonder whether the company would print an extra teatowel for you, if you could get a copy of the original art work and add your ds's handprint and name? It might be worth asking the nursery manager for the contact details of the company, and talking directly to them. Of course, it might cost a bit more for a one-off, but it sounds like it would be worth it for you.

choceyes Wed 27-Mar-13 12:42:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Wed 27-Mar-13 12:51:18

Going against the grain here but I think YABU

In my experience these tea towels just get shoved in a cupboard and forgotten about anyway. I think you are making it into a big deal for your DS and making out he has been "left out" when if you hadn't have mentioned it or pointed it out to him he'd have been none the wiser.

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