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To ask your opinion on this? If you'd arrived half an hour early to grab a good seat for a school show, would you then give up your seat to someone claiming to have back problems?

(126 Posts)
MumfordandDaughter Wed 27-Mar-13 08:44:04

Lengthy title, but i'd like opinions on this please.

Your 5yo's school show is due to start at 2pm.

You arrive at 1.30pm to grab a good seat because you know the school hall fills up quickly.

By 1.45pm, all the seats are taken. New arrivals have to stand at the side.

At 1.55pm, a man arrives with his wife, asking if you'd mind giving up your seat for him because he has back problems. Your seat is located near the side, next to an empty spot where his wife could stand against the wall beside him.

You refuse, because you've picked a really good spot in the second row where your child will be able to see you from the stage.

The man seems okay with this and walks off.

A minute later, he and his wife return with the janitor. The janitor has a spare chair and sits it directly in front of you.

The man sits down and now your view of the stage is blocked.

You ask if he'd mind swapping, explaining why. His wife politely declines because he's just sat down, and it might hurt him.

Opinions on who was right/wrong?

jamaisjedors Wed 27-Mar-13 08:53:01

Well I would have given up my seat in the first place (but probably been a bit miffed).

I think asking to swap was a bit off tbh.

OTOH this is not the kind of thing I'd stress too much about - there will be other shows, and your DC knew you were there, that's all that matters.

Dawndonna Wed 27-Mar-13 08:55:17

That happened to dh a while back. I had to take him home and he missed our dds performance. Guess that answers your question.

trixymalixy Wed 27-Mar-13 08:55:52

I'd also have given up my seat in the first place. Asking to then swap was very cheeky.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 27-Mar-13 08:56:18

There is no way that your view of the stage was blocked, instead you just became the third row.

No one was unreasonable. Apart from maybe the woman who asked to swap as the person with the bad back was settled.

makemineamalibuandpineapple Wed 27-Mar-13 08:56:19

I think that's pretty cheeky of him actually. If he knew this was going to be a problem then he should have turned up earlier. Also, why did his seat have to be at the front? If he needed one then it could have been anywhere, not blocking the parents who had bothered to turn up earlier. I, like you, would have been miffed.

TantrumsAndBalloons Wed 27-Mar-13 08:58:50

Why did you ask to swap seats?

Surely the man wanted to see the stage as well, and see his DC perform?

Tbh, I would have given up my seat in the first place, it's not the end of the world if you are not directly in view of your child at one performance.

Yes, maybe they should have got there earlier to be sure of a seat. But it's just a little act of kindness that wouldn't really have put you out too much.

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 08:58:57

I would have given up my seat (unless I too had a physical need) begrudgingly tbh
But they were v rude. The man/ janitor should have brought the extra seat and then asked you to swap.
Never mind. Best let it go. angry grin

SuedeEffectPochette Wed 27-Mar-13 08:59:53

I'd give up my seat to someone who had a problem and stand up myself. Unless I thought for whatever reason it wasn't true (hurt back). It must have been a bit embarrassing to ask for the seat mustn't it? I don't know many/any people who would ask without genuine need tbh.
When my oldest children were young I used to stress about getting the "best seat". Since my twins were born and I arrive everywhere really late I have realised that often you get a better view standing at the back/side, or often there is a spare odd seat near the front anyway when you arrive late. Even if someone sits in front you can just move your head a little and get a great view, I find!

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 09:00:17

I'm assuming he was taller and that's why your view was blocked.

wintertimeisfun Wed 27-Mar-13 09:01:10

i'm with you op on this even though it wasn't the kindest thing to do. if i had had a bad back i wouldn't have had the front to ask someone who had clearly been queuing for ages to give me their seat. if it was that important for him to sit the wife should have got there early to secure a seat for him or they could have asked the school in advance for a seat for him

Shinyshoes1 Wed 27-Mar-13 09:01:18

There was no reason for him to sit at the front . His back would have still been problematic whether he sat front back or sides .

He wanted to get there 5 minutes before the start and bag a good seat . Which he did
You were right not to give up your seat . I wouldn't have done either

However I wouldn't have asked to swap . I would have just either stood at the side for the entire performance so I had a good view or politely asked them to shuffle along if you really couldn't see

ScarletLady02 Wed 27-Mar-13 09:01:19

I'd give my seat up. I've suffered with back problems in the past but didn't "look" like it (I'm young etc) so I know how horrible it can be to have to stand (on the bus etc on my way to see the specialist) and no-one offer to help.

ProphetOfDoom Wed 27-Mar-13 09:01:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trixymalixy Wed 27-Mar-13 09:02:12

I'm guessing this is a reverse AIBU.

spottyparrot Wed 27-Mar-13 09:06:46

I would have refused to give up the seat and I would have stated the reason - that I arrived half an hour early to get a good seat to see my child. I think it's obvious people come early and to ask for the seat is outrageously rude whatever the reason.

The person who had a bad back should have either asked the school to put a reserved notice on a chair near the door in advance or upon arrival sought the help of the janitor without interfering with people who had waited a long time to get their position.

Once seated blocking your view, you state your view is blocked - not to swap seats but for his to be shifted by the janitor.

BatmanLovesVodkaAndCherryade Wed 27-Mar-13 09:09:03

What spottyparrot said.

MumfordandDaughter Wed 27-Mar-13 09:09:35

Just to clarify, I'm not either party. I'm friends with one and related to the other. However, neither party knows each other.

It's alll gotten rather messy and i've been plonked in the middle.

fluffyraggies Wed 27-Mar-13 09:10:28

Yes he should have arrived earlier or made other provision. Such as ask the school to reserve a seat somewhere. No need for tit to be at the front. It's not his vision that was the problem. A side seat anywhere would have been fine.

jamaisjedors Wed 27-Mar-13 09:10:48

Yes I thought it might be a reverse AIBU too. Is it OP?

fluffyraggies Wed 27-Mar-13 09:11:14

Not tit - IT!

fluffyraggies Wed 27-Mar-13 09:14:14

In what way has it got messy OP?

Is the mum your friend and the man your Dad?

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Mar-13 09:14:53

Tell them both you'll put laxatives in their tea if any of them mentions it again.

NotTreadingGrapes Wed 27-Mar-13 09:17:05

He wasn't being U asking someone to stand if he has a physical incapacity.

Unfortunately it was the OP.

I reckon the janitor came over all PC and instead of just getting the man a chair he had to go OTT and give him the Best Seat In The House.

So no-one except the janitor was U really.

(though I do find parents who arrive early to bagsy seats a leeedle bit like Germans and their towels on the sunbed.....wink)

Footface Wed 27-Mar-13 09:17:25

The man was wrong, he should have got there earlier, tbh sounds like he's using his back as an excuse to get a good seat. He's sounds entitled and if he sat directly in front if the woman then I would presume it was on purpose. He sounds like an arse

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