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grandparents wanting to babysit

(27 Posts)
joolsangel Wed 27-Mar-13 00:12:11

my MIL and FIL are fabulous grandparents. They live about 2.5 hrs drive away and we have a 4 yr old. They do enjoy a drink but we didn't realise quite how much until the other week they came to stay for a week. Every single night for a week they bought a 1L bottle of vodka, opened it at 5pm and it was empty by 8.30pm. MIL then kept going upstairs without my knowledge after she had finished her vodka, and lifting our 4yr old out of her bed and putting her in another room as she likes sleeping in our childs bedroom rather than with FIL as he snores heavily. I had no idea she had been lifting our 4 yr old while she was drunk until I went upstairs later to say goodnight to her before going to bed myself. my problem is they want her to stay with them for a few days during the holidays and there is absolutely no way I want her to stay with them. I told my husband they are welcome to come to ours as we will be sober, we don't really drink, but my husband thinks im being vindictive and nasty against his parents and cannot see that there is a problem with them looking after her, even tho they drink a 1l bottle of vodka every single day starting at 5pm. MIL is not the kind of person you can talk reasonably with or bring the subject up with as she is extremely fiery, gets hysterical, demands her own way and I don't want to cause a family rift or put bad feeling between us. any ideas please?

DIYapprentice Wed 27-Mar-13 10:08:11

There is no solution that will keep everyone happy, so you might as well stop looking.

Stand firm with your DH, and do NOT allow your DD to go to your ILs. That amount of alcohol is dreadful.

DO expect the situation with your DH to get worse before it gets better though. He doesn't know how to stand up to his parents, and is using to giving way to them. He doesn't know how to stand up to them, and even trying will scare him and he will quite possibly get really n(really, really) pushy with you in order to not upset his parents.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 27-Mar-13 14:09:29

Al-Anon is there for families of addicts. It would help DH to go to a group. Sadly he sounds in as much denial as they are. You could give them a call and discuss this issue.

As the child of alcoholics (that word fits, I know) he will have been trained to accept their behaviour and never question the drinking. Not his fault. However, he is now an adult and responsible for his DD. He needs to start putting you and DD first.

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