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To be a teensy bit fed up with DH?

(2 Posts)
CocoNutter Tue 26-Mar-13 23:20:07

I have a new job in a new area, so DH and I are (as of last week) living apart - I'm staying with friends at the moment. We've just bought a new house in the area that I will move into shortly. DH is still in his old job in old area, as he's not managed to find something near me yet, which he's currently trying to do.

I'm getting incredibly frustrated with his job hunt. To be fair to him, hardly anything in his line of work has come up recently, but I also don't think he's trying hard enough to maximise his chances. He said he wants my help with it, as I'm generally much better at job applications (I'm a pedant, and he loses interest very quickly), and he's told me many times that he really appreciates my help. I've suggested extra things he can do to maximise his chances of getting a job, like signing up with employment agencies as well as just searching for vacancies, being proactive with contacting people, and setting up a meeting with his boss to outline what he's achieved so that he gets a good reference (his is about 85% good, but he needs to sort out with his boss an error he made which is currently affecting it. I've suggested he write down everything he's done to rectify the mistake - which was over two years ago now - and what he's done to ensure it won't happen again, and then meet his boss about it).

He says he thinks I'm criticising him all the time. I really don't mean to do this, but I'm getting so fed up of him making excuses - haven't got enough time, it's too late to start it now, I'll do it tomorrow, I don't know how to start, etc etc. I worked my butt off to get my new job and I feel like he's not putting in the same effort.

Am I a heartless cow? I want him to be happy and I know he won't be until he gets a job near me (and neither will I!), but being asked for help and then having it completely ignored is getting on my wick!!!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 26-Mar-13 23:49:05

Team work - corny but true - is what's needed. I appreciate you're tiring of being cheerleader and CV expert. You've got your shiny new job, did he offer you support? He is stuck one foot in the past as you speed ahead. Grit your teeth. You wouldn't be the first couple which has one go-getting, pro-active person and the other is so laid-back they're practically horizontal.

In this instance you both benefit from secured income and moving into your new home all the sooner if he gets his finger out. Of course he is a grown man and you can't nanny him through life. I don't think he is doing this to be awkward or consciously dragging his feet. He is employed not lazing about, he does thank you and you say yourself the market's not awash with his area of work. Stick and carrot is your best bet.

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