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Quite sure I just pissed off MIL. On a scale of 1-10, how U was what I said...?

(82 Posts)

It was an accident and kind of came out wrong, but she pulled catsbumface and left (she was picking up DS2)

She has a small car and I was saying DS1 was off nursery next week so she could have both of them if she wanted. She said she couldnt fit the three seats in the back and I said that Dcousin (he is 3) could sit in the middle without a carseat. She said he needs his booster, and I said "well he should be in a carseat, he'd be just as safe in the middle with just the lapbelt as he is on the booster" (he only has the lap belt with the booster, is too small for the diagonal one) I know I was BU and its none of my business, either his mum has decided he doesnt need a carseat and theres nothing MiL can do, or she has decided it and I've directly complained about her choice. blush

I feel bad now, even though I think what I said was technically right, I was just trying to explain that she could have all three of them if she wanted. She is the one who's been saying how nice it would be to take all three out for the day. sad

You were kind of making it sound like your kids are far more important than Dcousin !

LemonBreeland Tue 26-Mar-13 11:42:00

If he is only 3 he should be in a high backed booster seat, not just a booster. Or quite possibly still in a 5 point harness seat.

Not sure exactly about the pissing off your mil bit. It all got a bit confusing tbh.

And the booster is also to make sure the seatbelt sits around the correct part of his lap, so you were wrong saying he would be as safe without it.

My kids are both younger than dcousin, both still group 1 carseats

What you said was completely idiotic! Children should be is a car seat or on a booster until they are 11 (or under a certain height that no 3 year old would reach) YABVU! You're lucky you only got cat bum face, I would have given you a piece of my mind too for wanting to put a child at risk in a car.

mrsminiverscharlady Tue 26-Mar-13 11:44:58

Um, 9ish? (I'm feeling generous today) grin

MrsWembley Tue 26-Mar-13 11:45:21

I'm confused; if he is too small for the diagonal belt, then he is too small to be in that seat. It is against the law for him to be in a car with no seat at all, afaik, and just as dangerous to be in the wrong seat.

BreconBeBuggered Tue 26-Mar-13 11:46:12

As the driver it's her call to make, not yours, even if the 3-year-old's parents have decided not to insist on his having a booster seat. Which I think is unlikely.

ginmakesitallok Tue 26-Mar-13 11:46:13

Yabu, unsafe to have just a lap belt on. Scale of 1-10? 7

He already is at risk, he is a three year old on a £5 booster!

XiCi Tue 26-Mar-13 11:46:36

Of course he isn't as safe with the seatbelt as the booster. What do you think boosters are for?

Sounds like as long as your kids were safe you didn't give a shit about their cousin. No wonder she pulled a face

LandofTute Tue 26-Mar-13 11:46:40

Lap belts only rather than the diagonal one too are very dangerous, as in a crash the child could well break his back. I wouldn't be suggesting that your 3 year old nephew goes in the middle with a lap belt at all.

squeakytoy Tue 26-Mar-13 11:46:44

the middle seat in the back of the car is the most dangerous in an accident, a lap belt is not really sufficient and I wouldnt be happy at all if you had suggested that.

fancyabakeoff Tue 26-Mar-13 11:47:44

Everything..............It's actually 12 or under 135cm certain height.

littleducks Tue 26-Mar-13 11:49:45

I think YABU, his parents and MIL have made a decision about his carseat. You disagree with this decision, but rather than kindly suggest he needs another car seat you it comes out sounding like, "My kids need carseats, dn can sit in the middle with just a lap belt, it doesnt matter about his safety because his carseat only cost £5."

I am sure you didnt mean that but thats one way it could beinterpreted, so I wold say 6.5/10.

sundaymondaytuesday Tue 26-Mar-13 11:50:01


You sounded very pushy and entitled.

Callisto Tue 26-Mar-13 11:50:37

A three year old should be in a proper car seat, not just a booster or no seat. Also, perhaps your MIL was pissed off at you assumption that she would provide childcare for both of your children. I know I would be.

LandofTute Tue 26-Mar-13 11:51:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guitargirl Tue 26-Mar-13 11:51:44


And you owe your MIL an apology.

DeskPlanner Tue 26-Mar-13 11:51:46


LandofTute Tue 26-Mar-13 11:52:01

Sorry!!! I posted the wrong link. Will report my own post. Should be this one about danger of lap belts

Caitycat Tue 26-Mar-13 11:53:03

As I read it your suggestion was that he went in the middle with no seat at all, if so you are hardly in a position to criticise their choice of seat. As Betty said it sounds like as long as your dc are ok your not bothered about their cousin.

NotAQueef Tue 26-Mar-13 11:53:36

Interesting - just googled the law on seatbelts and while I am not sure how reliable the source is - there are some very noteable/and worrying 'exceptions' to the law

See below
Children aged 3 and above, until they reach EITHER their 12th birthday OR 135cm in height

In the Front Seat

The child MUST use the correct child restraint.

In the Rear Seat

The child MUST use the correct restraint, where seat belts are fitted.

There are three exceptions where there is not a child seat available. In each case the child MUST use the adult belt instead. They are -

1) in a licensed taxi or private hire vehicle;

2) if the child is travelling on a short distance for reason of unexpected necessity;

3) if there are two occupied child restraints in the rear which prevent the fitment of a third.

In addition, a child 3 and over may travel unrestrained in the rear seat of a vehicle if seat belts are not available.

It is the driver's legal responsibility to ensure that the child is correctly restrained.

I am shock that it is legal for a child over 3 to travel unstrained if there is no available seatbelt!!

AngryGnome Tue 26-Mar-13 11:53:43

It isn't safe for a three old to not use a car seat. You don't seem to be particularly concerned about the safety of your nephew, so I can see why your MIL would be rather unimpressed with that.

Thumbwitch Tue 26-Mar-13 11:53:57

Bit confused - does the 3yo cousin normally travel in a car seat or a booster seat? If he normally travels in a booster seat then what you actually pointed out is not unreasonable but I fail to see how it ties in with you saying happily that she could take all 3 of the DC, which requires the cousin to stay in his, frankly unacceptable, booster seat.

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