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Children not giving up seats for guests at home

(76 Posts)
Jefferson Mon 25-Mar-13 17:43:05

I wasn't really sure how to word the title. It doesn't sound right but I'll try to explain! This is a very very trivial Aibu by the way.

Went to visit some family friends of my inlaws yesterday. There was me DH, Mil, Fil, Sil and Bil. At the house was their friend, her daughter and her grandson (not this duaghter's son).

When we got there, we sat down but there was a lack of seating with 7 adults so the aunt of the boy asked him to move off the armchair he was in and to sit on the floor or at the dining table so Bil could sit down. The boy (7 yr old) refused and said 'I was say here first so the seat is mine'. Aunt sighed and then dragged a dining chair from across the room for Bil to sit down.

Was this rude of the child or not? I thought it was but then I have no clue as to how children are meant to behave. My DS is only 18 months and tbh if he refused to let a guest sit down as a 7 yr old I would be a bit embarrassed but short of dragging him off armchair there was very little aunt could do

Don't know if it makes any difference but we are all Indian and culturally (sweeping statement) Indians are very OTT when it comes to hospitality. The guest is king and all that!

AIBU to think it was rude of the child not to give up his seat? Just interested in the right etiquette really

Jefferson Mon 25-Mar-13 18:19:45

Poppet48. I can see what you're saying. The dining chairs were technically in another room (it was open plan) but they were there. I suppose yes it's more polite for the adult guest to sit in the comfy chair!

CitrusyOne Mon 25-Mar-13 18:21:52

When I'd just had dd my aunties and cousins came to visit. 4 adults and 4 kids. Apart from passing a week old dd round like a Christmas parcel, I (after having had a c-section) sat on the floor the whole time while the kids sat on chairs and sofa. I even sat on the floor to bf dd. I think if I hadn't have been so sleep deprived and hormonal I would have said something. But yes, my cousins, and the children in the op should have given up a seat- or be made asked to by an adult.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Mon 25-Mar-13 18:22:22

Yanbu. I was brought up to respect the older generation and I do the same with ds.

pedrohedges Mon 25-Mar-13 18:23:46

I don't understand why an adult has more of a right to a chair than a child?
In my house the guest would get a seat if they were invited by me into my home. If they had popped in they can sod off.

StuntGirl Mon 25-Mar-13 18:26:32

Very rude. But it was the adults fault for allowing his bad behaviour.

Startail Mon 25-Mar-13 18:26:42

YANBU, but DD2 would think you were.

She is not at all keen on old fashioned adults take priority type manners.

She'd do as she was told, but is likely to give a long speech on why it's not fair when the visitors have gone.

Given visitors mean her tidying away all her playmobil, getting bored, no CBBC, having to eat nicely in front of fussy grandpa and not get a comfy sofa, oh and not bouncing about, I sort of see her point.

BOEUF Mon 25-Mar-13 18:26:51

You are clearly more nimble than most then, pedro. Kids are perfectly comfortable sitting cross-legged on the floor for ages at school, but an adult arse needs a comfy chair <rests aching bones> grin

Owllady Mon 25-Mar-13 18:27:33

yes i get pins and needles confused rather quickly these days <rickety>

pedrohedges Mon 25-Mar-13 18:35:32

I think i'm just anti social BOEUF lol.

Meerkatwhiskers Mon 25-Mar-13 18:38:58

I'm half Indian and I would not have got away with talking to an adult that way as a child! Also would have already been sitting on the floor wink YANBU

Bridgetbidet Mon 25-Mar-13 18:42:31

But there were other chairs available? Why should the kid have to get up if there were other chairs?

I think it as a bit rude to tell the kids to get up when there were other chairs.

AngiBolen Mon 25-Mar-13 18:49:17

This has nothing to do with it being a child. It has everything to do with hostpitality, and welcoming someone who has just entered the home.

I would give up my seat for people who had just arrived, regardless of their age, and whether it was my house or someone elses. I like to be welcomed, and therefore I welcome other people.

Goldmandra Mon 25-Mar-13 18:49:50

Guests get priority and for a good reason.

When someone is a guest in your home they don't necessarily feel comfortable enough to organise getting their own needs met. Therefore they are given the comfy chair, provided with a drink, asked if they are warm enough so that they don't sit and suffer in silence.

Anyone who is a more at home in the house should politely give way.

If the little boy concerned was part of the family and wasn't comfortable on the dining chair he had the option to go and get a different one or perhaps a beanbag from a different room. The guest doesn't have that option.

Children should also give way to adults for the simple reason that they are younger and can sit more comfortably on a floor or hard chair for long periods than adults can.

In my house the guests get the comfy chairs. If they are full we get the floor or the beanbags and my children wouldn't dream of sitting down before the guests were comfortable. If they did they would be asked to move and woe betide any who embarrassed me by disobeying.

StuntGirl Mon 25-Mar-13 18:52:10

The polite thing would be for the adults to raise their child to respect their elders. The parents should make sure there are enough chairs for guests and the children should offer their seats to guests. But it doesn't sound like manners are that big a deal in that house all round.

EggyFucker Mon 25-Mar-13 18:57:18

I would have matter of fairly dragged him out of the chair actually, if my first polite request was so rudely rebuffed

Which is unlikely tbh, because if one of mine had forgotten to get up immediately and offer a chair, a very small movement of my head would make it happen

EggyFucker Mon 25-Mar-13 18:57:53


ComposHat Mon 25-Mar-13 19:00:00

Ill mannered little shite.

A clip round the ear would do him no harm.

exoticfruits Mon 25-Mar-13 19:01:36

Anyone should get up and offer a guest the best chair, unless old or infirm. You don't have to explain this if you do it- a child sees it as the norm. If you think 'I have as much right as them' then of course they won't - they do as you do.

BackforGood Mon 25-Mar-13 19:02:55

YANBU. He was rude - product of what he's been allowed to get away with by his parents though.
I can honestly say my dc wouldn't need to have been asked - it's automatic to give your chair to a guest, and also to an adult, so when they are both, there's no question.

thegreylady Mon 25-Mar-13 19:03:28

Very very rude.None of my dgc aged 4-16 would be so rude.The older ones wouldn't have to be asked and the younger ones would move at once if asked by anyone.

Jefferson Mon 25-Mar-13 19:04:37

I think it was difficult for the aunt to discipline. She would tell him not to do something but if he ignored her she wouldn't follow it up. For example he was kicking a soft football around the room and hit the wall, the sideboard and Bil head at one point. Aunt asked him to play nicely but he ignore her or spoke back. She then didn't follow up. Maybe harder if it not your child?

Although, the aunt and grandma are more in charge of day to day care as mum is abroad a lot for business and they all live together

raisah Mon 25-Mar-13 19:05:12

V rude. What à charming adult he will grow up to ben. Entitled brat.

exoticfruits Mon 25-Mar-13 19:07:20

I would tell my nephew - I can't see the difficulty.

Dominodonkey Mon 25-Mar-13 19:08:37

Am surprised (and impressed) by the way this thread has come. Often on mumsnet I see far more of the 'why should a child stand up for an adult' kind of posts.

Unfortunately some parents just aren't interested in teaching their children respect or courtesy. A elderly relative of mine used to sleep on the floor when she visited her son and his family because her DIL refused to ask her children to give up their beds for their nan.

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 19:11:10

I would have dragged the child off the chair, whether my son or nephew!

You give up seats to guests, and to your elders in my house. If my dad came to visit I would give him the armchair rather than expect him to sit on a less comfy dining chair. It's not about adults being more entitled than children.

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