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Are SAHMS discriminated against. Red magazine are doing an article about it.

(1000 Posts)
Darkesteyes Mon 25-Mar-13 16:58:46

Just seen this on twitter.

Are stay at home mums discriminated against? Are you one and unhappy with benefits, or feel judged? Tell us.

Kazooblue Tue 26-Mar-13 22:07:46


Kazooblue Tue 26-Mar-13 22:09:40

Maisie compared to the security of being at home with a parent no no gadget is necessary.Oh wait you're going to tell me they needan Ipad each now.

maisiejoe123 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:11:15

Kazoo - now you are just being silly. My teenage DS at BOARDING school (what on earth does that make me!) is not depressed and his behaviour at school is fine. Why wouldnt it be? Sorry, I forgot, he has 'childcare' and I am a worse mother than you....

And as others have said on this thread. Stop bashing the working parents.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 26-Mar-13 22:11:45

Actually mine said 'go back to work and buy me an ipad', but in years to come they might appreciate that I was able to go to their school plays instead (couldn't have done this in my former job, because I was teaching and couldn't book time off).

Goldenbear Tue 26-Mar-13 22:12:51

anotheryearolder, that wasn't even my parents' experience of childhood in the 50's, early 60's, indeed, by all accounts it wasn't the experience of their friends either. I was born in the 70's and grew up in the 80's, I don't ever recall anyone being told to piss off until tea time. I 'm sorry but I don't think it was the norm.

maisiejoe123 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:12:51

What do you mean security of being at home? I live at the home too! Also, do you go to school with your children? It sounds as though they are with you day and night!

ihategeorgeosborne Tue 26-Mar-13 22:13:28

I think we're going off at a tangent now. My view is that both parents working is fine if that works for the couple. One parent working is fine if that also works for the couple. What I think, most people with SAHP are fed up with is the governments inference that tax breaks should be given to working parents over and above SAHP. This is not to say that I think SAHP should need child care relief, just that they shouldn't be penalised through measures such as unfair removal of child benefit and more tax. Both lots of families should have the same financial incentives to make their own choices.

candyandyoga Tue 26-Mar-13 22:14:47

Add message | Report | Message poster Aldwick Mon 25-Mar-13 19:04:28
What I don't understand is why we live in such an anti SAHM society not least when there aren't enough jobs out there at the moment for anyone.

I am prepared to be flamed but personally I do think it's important for children to have a parent at home especially for babies who need a secure attachment figure but even for older children.
Both my parents worked and I was so jealous of my friends whose mums picked them up every day, were able to come into school to read, attend assemblies etc. and who weren't sent into school feeling really ill some days because both parents had meetings they couldn't miss.

Even teenagers need someone to at least have a vague idea of where they are after school, someone to make sure they eat something decent , see enough of them to pick up on the warning signs that all isn't well.

I'm also very aware of how stressed a lot of my friends who work full time and have small children are. It is not family friendly for parents to be cramming in all the chores/ house admin etc. after work and at the weekends but it is getting harder and harder to be a SAHM.

I know my opinion isn't popular and I do understand a lot of people have no choice but to continue to work full time in this current economic climate but seriously, sometimes, why have children if you are barely going to see them and why doesn't the government recognise the value of having a few parents at home who can help out with various community things?

I genuinely worry that we're in danger of raising a generation who are institutionalised going first to nursery then to school with breakfast club and after school club with no continuity of care and few chances just to kick back and relax at home.

...this is a good, spot on post.

Kazooblue Tue 26-Mar-13 22:14:52

Exactly I hate,not hard to understand.

candyandyoga Tue 26-Mar-13 22:15:57

Absolutely ihategeorge it is disgusting that sahm are penalised for staying at home.

ihategeorgeosborne Tue 26-Mar-13 22:16:28

maisiejo, you say that children of SAHP will not complain about not getting gadgets. In the same way, do you think they would not also complain about not having one parent at home? Just making the point that both are valid surely. Also my Dh went to boarding school and hated it. He's told me many times that he doesn't understand why his parents didn't want him. This is a grown man. His parents have no idea of course. They think he loved it. He didn't want to hurt their feelings.

Kazooblue Tue 26-Mar-13 22:17:27

Candy kids must also be knackered by the time they get home and eat,when do they do homework,play outside etc?

scottishmummy Tue 26-Mar-13 22:18:37

Red can write this up as as the housewifes nodding at least they don't outsource
Maybe do a cliched comparison ms avaricious and ms precious moments
Interview a martyr mum who cuts own hair,gave up career,and lives off her wage slave

Goldenbear Tue 26-Mar-13 22:19:00

Maisie, you have been very dismissive of SAHPs lets face it- Mothers, recalling your recent experience of interviewing some of them and how 'entitled' a lot of them came across as. I hardly think are in a position to play victim given those and other remarks.

anotheryearolder Tue 26-Mar-13 22:19:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ihategeorgeosborne Tue 26-Mar-13 22:19:42

There seems to be a lot of talk on here about bashing parents who both work. I am distinctly seeing the opposite.

Kazooblue Tue 26-Mar-13 22:20:46

I'm off to bed,got shedloads to do tomorrow,obviously in between the continuous latte drinking and manicures.hmm

janey68 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:21:41

Oh dear, it's gone the way of all threads....

SAHM = fine
WOHM = fine

Some parents good, some poor. How your children turn out is to do with parenting not whether the parents work or not.

Anyone who tries to make out that one whole subgroup of children, whether they are children of SAHP or WOHP are going to turn out 'less well' (depressed, behaviour problems etc) is clearly transferring their own feelings about their situation onto another group of people. People who are content with their own life generally don't need to bash others.

anotheryearolder Tue 26-Mar-13 22:24:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maisiejoe123 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:24:39

Oh God - now I have sent my child to boarding school, he hates it and will never tell me as he doesnt want to hurt my feelings.

And yes, I did have experience of interviewing a few SAHM's who were looking to get back into the marketplace. Why does my experience/opinions matter less than yours?

maisiejoe123 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:27:33

Janey, exactly! Honestly all this what works for me will work for you marklarky!

Why a certain group of children are as happy as larry and the rest (with working parents) arent is just nonsense

ihategeorgeosborne Tue 26-Mar-13 22:29:53

maisiejo, was just saying how it was for my dh at boarding school. I'm off now, you sound thoroughly unpleasant tbh and I'm tired of having to justify myself to you. You pick arguments based on your views and opinions and when someone turns it round the other way, you don't want to know. Night!

Viviennemary Tue 26-Mar-13 22:31:20

I think people must do what suits them. But over the last few weeks I have notice this martyr stuff in articles about SAHM's. Poor us. We're so downtrodden and not appreciated. And it's sooooooo difficult to get back into the workplace. Well I'm sure you are appreciated by your family. It's getting more than a bit annoying.

ihategeorgeosborne Tue 26-Mar-13 22:36:04

Oh, one more thing maisiejo, maybe the myriad of SAHM you interviewed, decided that they wouldn't want to work for someone like you. After all, an interview is a two way thing.

partTimeWorker Tue 26-Mar-13 22:37:29

When I went back to work (part-time) after (most of) my maternity leave, my DH took the remainder of the year's allowance and then went part-time too; so we both work 3 days, and both care for our son 2 days, with one day of nursery to cover the day we both work.

This seems like the ideal solution to us - both get to spend time with our son, both keep our careers going. I wish it were easier for more couples, if they want to, to both work part time and both do childcare. But I think that society needs to change a lot, to regard part-time working as a suitable option, for men and women, to consider childcare something both men and women can/ want to do. (I don't know if its a reflection of DHs workplace, or the fact that he is a man - very hard to draw conclusions from 1 person - but he has had far more stick than me - suggestions that he is unmanly for wanting to care for his child, a shirker for wanting to go part-time, etc.).

Now I'm being made redundant - company folding - and all the roles I am likely to want to apply for are full-time. We had the perfect solution (for us) and its only lasted a few months. sad

I'm not sure where this ramble is taking me - except to say that I think SAH-ing is a viable/ desirable option for some, as working full-time is for others, but I wish there were more chances for both parents to spend time with their Dc(s) and work - and that the whole discussion about children, childcare, childcare costs, how much of a salary is 'eaten up' by childcare costs, the effect of nurseries on children, the effect on work, the effect on careers and the choices people make about all of these wasn't always portrayed as being about 'mothers', but instead was about 'parents'.

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