to wish I could ditch DH in the city(13 Posts)
and Escape to the country with the kids.
We live in a decreasing space property in the city with, a growing family and astronomical bills. Was thinking of moving somewhere near the sea or in the county and let DH live in a bedsit during the week and visit us over the weekends.
Is that a recipe for disaster?
Everything is super expensive and when I look at the older kids from inner city high schools swearing in the bus, I get disheartened.
I used to work in several firms and lots of people did this, but most were older and had older kids (teens and up), so I guess were married for ages so coud put up with a lifeltime of separation.
How does it go for those who have experience?
Am I just being envious and imagine you moms out there with a big country kitchen with an arga and Cath Kidston and Laura Ashely everywhere?
Sorry if this has already been covered a load of times.
You've omitted something quite important from your OP
Is your DH happy for you to 'let' him live in a bedsit all week?
Swearing on the bus?! You think country kids don't swear?
And how generous of you to 'let' your DH visit.
I think people have very romantic ideas about what living in the country might be like. I also think it is boring for children.
Lots of people manage very well when one partner works away, oil rigs and suchlike, so there's no reason to think you couldn't. You and your DH would both have to be happy with the arrangement though - it wouldn't be much fun for him stuck in a bedsit all the time, and he might end up spending more than you save on eating out and going out to entertain himself iyswim.
Don't be fooled into thinking that country kids won't get up to the same things as city kids!
Although I can assure mintyaero, having grown up in Cornwall, it's hardly boring.
Yes, I think you've twisted things on a number of points.
I grew up in two polar opposite homes - my parents lived in a busy city, and my foster parents lived in the country. I was pulled between them. There was no real difference between the children. We probably swore more in the country, because there was nobody around to hear us...
Secondly, your husband will get very bored in a bedsit. You will need to budget for time out of the home - eating out, and socializing. He will need a social life near his bedsit to stop him going mad. He might be happy to sit inside with a beer and the TV originally, but it won't last. It can't.
Also, the drive down might get very infuriating, and so sometimes you might need to visit him, or accept that you'll be spending a lot more time apart. You'd need two cars, and to budget for two active households.
I'm just not convinced the benefits are worth it in your situation. You wouldn't be protecting your children from anything, and you'll take their Dad away for an extended period all week. Spending so much time apart will be tough. You'll feel deserted and alone and like you have to do everything sometimes, and he'll feel neglected and left behind.
Maybe follow the steps and see where it takes you? Could your husband relocate? Arrange to work from home a few days a week? Would he lengthen his commute to put you in a village, rather than apart?
It might be worth looking at the type of houses you could afford, too. That big Laura Ashley kitchen might be a dream.
He will commit adultery. You will feel over burdened in the country being the sole parent all week. It will be horrible. Can't you just move out eg in London to St Albans and both work full time so you have more money?
Mind you he may suggest be goes to the country with the children whilst you keep everyone in your bed sit in town and only see the children at weekends.
DH and I have moved to the country and he works from home a lot - I hate it, he hates it. We hardly see each other during the week and it's not great. Yes we have a lovely Aga and lots of land but I'd rather have him to keep me warm at night. Plus Agas cot a bleeding fortune to run in terms of oil.....Fortunately, it's not forever for us and he'll be giving up work soon but it's very hard to do.
I agree with mintyyaeoregg. I grew up on a farm and when I look back I can appreciate what an idyllic upbringing we had but at the time it was boring. All my mates lived on an estate and would play out together at evenings and weekends where as we were stuck out on the farm unable to join in unless our parents took us down there. It can also be very isolating in the countryside and not much going on. Also if you are not from around there you can be treated as an outsider
We moved to the country six months ago. But dh commutes, and he doesn't work crazy hours so the kids get to see him (albeit sometimes briefly) morning and evening. It isn't boring for the kids - they are as occupied with activities here as they were in London. Maybe that will change when they are teenagers, but I doubt it. Neighbours' older kids seem happy and well adjusted. It's not far to get into the nearest town anyway. And London is only a train ride away so the museums are eminently doable as a day trip.
We have a larger house and larger garden, with an orchard and magnificent copper beech. We don't have an aga or any Laura Ashley though as I'm not a fan of either! We didn't save money by moving here though. Our mortgage is the same. House maintenance costs are higher as the house is larger and older.
Our local primary school is equally as good as the one in London. The secondary is massively better. There are no issues about getting in - if you live in the village, you go to the local schools.
In short, I love it here. The kids are happy. Dh, who took a lot of persuading, also loves it here - more than I thought he would. He has changed from a city boy to someone who wears wellies and chops wood for the fire like he's been doing it half his life.
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