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AIBU WRT children and adult conversation being interupted?

(64 Posts)
MightTinge Mon 25-Mar-13 14:09:12

Wasnt really sure how to word the OP.

I see a friend, who I love to bits, but I find it difficult to hold her attention to a conversation. I wondered if anyone else did this themselves? Or like me, is on the recieving end of it.

She was fine when our toddlers were babies, but now conversing with her can be rather painful.

Id not seen her in weeks, she knew Id split from my partner so it was one of the first things she asked. I began to tell her, but she'd be constantly tickling and playing with her toddler, blowing raspberries on him, laughing with him, talking to him. As though I wasnt in the room, let alone answering her question.

She'll do it with her eldest too, although its not so bad now her her first DC is no longer a toddler.

Is it a bit rude, or AIBU and this is usual once your a parent?

I have children myself but when someone is talking to me they have my attention. Unless of course child needs a wee or is hurt or something obviously.


everlong Mon 25-Mar-13 16:17:51

I don't get people like this. I always think they are a bit socially thick.
If your friend that you haven't seen in weeks is talking to you ( especially about something important ) you pissing listen!

Dinosaurhunter Mon 25-Mar-13 16:23:50

I can't stand this . It's so rude and annoying .

Feminine Mon 25-Mar-13 16:33:01

I have a friend like this.

I'm sick of stopping my sentences mid-way!

Apparently if there are other people with you, its a good idea to finish what you are saying to them instead.

Or...say " sorry, I'll wait till you can listen" wink

I just let my comments drift...

neunundneunzigluftballons Mon 25-Mar-13 16:37:07

Her child is still one and you want to engage the mother in deep chats about a very difficult event in your life and think that the child will entertain itself. I am sorry op you are going through a rough time but I definitely think you are being unreasonable and need to meet up without children once in a while

BuiltForComfort Mon 25-Mar-13 16:37:37

my ds (age 6!) does this and it drives me crazy. Am working very hard on trying to train him not to. not easy as I have to interrupt the conversation in order to speak to him to tell him not to interrupt!

perhaps her parents never taught her as a child not to interrupt? perhaps she isn't actually interested in anything you have to say? sad She doesn't sound like someone you want to meet with in the day time anyway, is she better at listening / conversing when kids aren't around?

MDA Mon 25-Mar-13 16:44:57

YANBU. I hate this kind of baby-brained shite. There is of course a balance to be had, as with most things!

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 16:59:52

neun, I definitely think a 1 year old should be able to entertain themselves for 5 minutes without a parent jumping all over them!

housefullofnoisykids Mon 25-Mar-13 17:07:38

I hate this! It's so rude! I stopped seeing an acquaintance a while back as she just did it constantly. I don't expect full on adult conversation when you meet up with the kids in tow, but this friend would just stop listening to me and start tickling her child, kissing him, singing with him, etc.

DH also sometimes starts doing something when I'm talking, such as reading the paper or flicking through the tv channels. I usually stop talking and look at him and then he stops what he's doing and looks at me and I carry on talking again.

MintyyAeroEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 17:10:37

Yanbu, although when I started a similar thread to this a few years ago a surprising number of mumsnetters thought iwbu!

worsestershiresauce Mon 25-Mar-13 17:17:06

Drives me insane. A friend of mine did this to the point where we gave up meeting for lunch as it was beyond boring to sit and be ignore whilst she played with her dd. It kind of came back to bite her on the bum as the poor kid was so unable to cope without mummy's constant attention she wasn't able to start school in the normal sense as she became hysterical when her mum left. My friend ended up having to sit in class with her for months to transition her in, which was a pain for both her and the poor teacher.

neunundneunzigluftballons Mon 25-Mar-13 17:17:17

I know what you are saying but I am sure the 1 year old can entertain itself for 5 minute they are just not the 5 minutes you choose. I personally would not be offended if my friend was entertaining their 1 year old when I was chatting to them sure it can be a pain in the ass but I do not see the child or the mum doing anything wrong.

housefullofnoisykids Mon 25-Mar-13 17:21:42

I think it depends on how it's done neunundneun

If the mum is still maintaining some eye contact with the talking friend, nodding, listening, whilst trying to jiggle a toy at the 1 year old or offer them some rice cakes then fair enough. Just cutting a friend off mid sentence to tickle/sing to/talk to a toddler is rude.

PurpleStorm Mon 25-Mar-13 18:42:15

neunundneun - from the way the OP has worded her posts, it sounds like the mum was initiating the toddler entertaining.

So not as if the toddler was coming over and demanding his mum's undivided attention, IYSWIM.

MightTinge Mon 25-Mar-13 18:50:50

Neun my child is exactly the same age and I manage to hold conversations.

So that kinda blows your theory out the water.

BackforGood Mon 25-Mar-13 19:34:47

Well I'm going against the grain. I have 3 dc. At just coming up to 2, 1 of them would have played quite happily for ages on her own, 1 would for a little bit, and 1 wouldn't have at all. I'd FAR rather play with him than end up being interupted by his crying or "investigating" something that would then need dealing with.
In all honestly, if I wanted to have a deep and meaningful chat with a friend, I'd arrange a time when her child wasn't with her - be that after bedtime or during nap time or by inviting her for a coffee or a spot of lunch when their Dad was watching the dc for a while.
Am actually amazed how many people think it's OK to ignore an under2, so you can get the full, undivided attention of his or her carer. Imagine the uproar if this were a CM or Nursery staff member {shock]

PS - I do think a Nanny can flick through a magazine when at a playbarn with a 3 yr old wink

MightTinge Mon 25-Mar-13 19:59:59

I do not ignore my toddler.

And its not about deep and meaningful conversations, its the vain attempt to have any conversation at all. Talking about the price of bread and she'd still turn her back on me, pick up her toddler and start blowing raspberries and giggling together.

Letting a toddler play with toys while chatting is not ignoring them. All you have to do is set them up with toys by your feet, and connect with them occasionally and everyones happy.

BackforGood Mon 25-Mar-13 20:16:53

Well, you are lucky that you have a toddler you can do that with. Not all toddlers are quite so co-operative to have their 'content to play on their own' time at a time that suits their Mother's friend.

Apologies if you don't think that's quite a big conversation, I was only going on what you put in your op
Id not seen her in weeks, she knew Id split from my partner so it was one of the first things she asked. I began to tell her confused

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 20:25:40

I know lots of people with toddlers, and we are able to hold conversations with each other at playgroups, in cafes or at each other's houses. I would be more surprised to meet someone who felt they had to play with their almost 2 year old constantly while in company. Surely if you would rather play with your child than chat to adults then you do that instead of meeting up with friends?

MintyyAeroEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 20:32:22

Dear Lord, I would have thought any fully-functioning adult would positively relish the chance to have some sort of adult conversation occasionally. If you don't work and your toddler is not at nursery then that is at the very least something like 90 hours a week you spend with them. If you can't give your friend a bit of attention for an hour or so then you are a pretty poor friend imvho.

SirChenjin Mon 25-Mar-13 20:35:38

Good grief, it's perfectly possible to hold an adult conversation in the presence of a toddler. It may be a bit disjointed while you get them a drink/change a nappy/wind up a toy etc, but honestly, how dull you must be if you feel the need to spend every waking moment entertaining your toddler whilst ignoring your adult friends.

everlong Mon 25-Mar-13 20:36:07

I've distanced myself from women like this. They bug the living hell out of me.

It makes me feel like I've got to say everything I've got to say all in 10 seconds whilst I've got her attention..

ChippingInIsEggceptional Mon 25-Mar-13 20:40:24

She's rude and socially inept. One of my friends is like this, I see a lot less of her now and try to do so when her toddler is at nursery or in bed or we plan to do something for/with the children for their enjoyment (so don't expect to actually have a conversation).

IfNotNowThenWhen Mon 25-Mar-13 20:49:14

I have a friend like this. It's more that she will break off mid sentence to me if one of her children speaks to her. Whereas I will hold up a hand to my ds and say "just a minute, I'm talking".
It IS rude, and very annoying.
I have had to be a hard nut about being interrupted, as it's just me and ds, so he is used to my mostly undivided attention and can be a bugger for interrupting, so I make sure I try and make him realise(and have done since toddlerhood) that I am actually allowed to talk to my friends/mum/the man from British Gas, without breaking off every 5 seconds.

Kiwiinkits Tue 26-Mar-13 00:53:58

Oh. I think I might be an Entertainer Mother shock

My DD (2.5) becomes more and more insistent and a pain in the arse if I say to her, Mummy is talking right now. Sometimes she plays happily, other times she really demands attention. Like the world is going to end if Mummy doesn't wind up her toy or something. So I use things like tickling or hugging or whatever to actually shut her up for long enough that I can listen to my friends speaking. Short of shutting her in a cupboard for 20 minutes I'm not sure what to do when she really, really, really wants to engage. She's pretty persistent! I thought that was pretty normal, for toddlers to think that they're the centre of the universe. Mine certainly does.

Cricrichan Tue 26-Mar-13 01:19:05


DH and SIL are like this and I sometimes want to throw something at them.

I have a friend who is a little like this but nothing like you've described.

I have 4 children and can hold a conversation whilst attending to their needs, but if they're interrupting I ask the children to wait.

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