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To be hurt by DH wanting to go out with his friends on our anniversary?

(40 Posts)
woozlebear Mon 25-Mar-13 12:04:59

Tomo is our (4th) wedding anniversary. For background, until now we've always timed a holiday to coincide, and this year will be the first time we haven't (mutual decision, no problem, we decided to go somewhere in May instead). But it means this year is the first time we'll be at home, going to work as normal. We also decided we'd rather go out for a meal to celebrate over Easter weekend than tomorrow night, so we don't have anything particular planned tomorrow.

DH has just emailed me saying some of his friends have suggested meeting up after work tomorrow. He hasn't asked if I mind, or mentioned the fact that it's our anniversary, just said 'we don't have any plans, do we? I won't be late'. I'm feeling quite hurt, as although we don't have anything specific planned, I'd assumed we would try to spend a nice evening together.

It's not like he's forgotton btw, we were talking about when to go out to dinner this morning. I haven't replied yet - not sure what to say. Don't want to stop him going out (If he'd rather see his friends than me on our anniversary there's no point guilt tripping him into staying in!) but equally want him to know I find it hurtful.

Startail Mon 25-Mar-13 13:01:50

In my experience men are far better at practical day to day being there than being romantic on a particular day.

After 25 years (celebrated two days late, when it was convenient) I've given up any hope of consistent, birthday, anniversary, Mother's Day etc gestures. Chocolates and flowers did appear in Mothersday and I'd specifically told him not to bother as I knew he was ridiculously busy.

You can't win. You can moan, I do frequently, but service does not improve.

quesadilla Mon 25-Mar-13 13:07:06

Think you may be reading too much into it though I understand why. But he has almost certainly not taken on board how upset you are likely to. Tell him.

fedupofnamechanging Mon 25-Mar-13 13:12:08

Well, if he was mine I'd make my feelings known. You are at a relatively early stage in your marriage and so you might as well be upfront regarding what you want, rather than being all polite and silently feeling sad about it. Set the tone sooner rather than later.

woozlebear Mon 25-Mar-13 13:22:06

I don't feel like I'm reading anything into it (I don't feel like he prefers to see his friends over me in general, or doesn't love me , or anything like that). And I really don't want to make him stay in if he wants to go out. I'm just hurt that he doesn't instintively want to see me that evening. Accept that's a bit precious tho.

grovel Mon 25-Mar-13 13:36:01

I'm afraid I agree with your last sentence (but feel for you because what you feel is real).

woozlebear Mon 25-Mar-13 14:47:42

Hahahahaha! So, I hadn't replied yet and DH has just emailed me and then rang me in a panic saying 'I misread the date in the calendar, I'm so sorry!'.

grin grin grin

blush but thanks for a nice non-flamey AIBU everyone smile

Thisisaeuphemism Mon 25-Mar-13 14:49:32

Awww, that's a lovely ending!

maddening Mon 25-Mar-13 15:08:48

Was going to suggest replying that you had been planning hot anniversary sex but if he would rather have a pint with his chums ....

But it seems he is after all a good egg smile

JuneChurch Mon 25-Mar-13 15:16:05

Glad you got it sorted!

livinginwonderland Mon 25-Mar-13 15:21:05

aww! cute ending smile hope you have a good anniversary OP!

DropIceCubesDownTheVestOfFear Mon 25-Mar-13 15:28:27

I was just reading the thread thinking 'I bet he's just made a mistake with the date'...then I saw your latest post OP grin Tbf, I forgot my own first wedding anniversary. My excuse is it wasn't a date I was familiar with yet!

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 25-Mar-13 15:35:41

Oh I'm glad he realised smile

dreamingbohemian Mon 25-Mar-13 15:36:54

grin excellent ending, have a lovely evening OP!

Thumbwitch Mon 25-Mar-13 23:10:18

Hurrah! so glad it worked out well smile

BackforGood Mon 25-Mar-13 23:20:19

Hahahahaha! So, I hadn't replied yet and DH has just emailed me and then rang me in a panic saying 'I misread the date in the calendar, I'm so sorry!'

Aha! - He's really a MNer then... I wonder what his nick name is ? wink

I think you are being a bit precious and over sensitive FWIW - you've already arranged to go out for your celebration at the weekend, so why would he think you were doing something special on the day too ? confused If I were him, I too would have assumed the "celebrating the anniversary" was on the 'meal out' day too, so therefore no problem if someone asked me to do something else on the actual day.
If this does really upset you though, let him know. After the anniversary, just tell him it felt really wierd (for you) being on your own on your anniversary, so you were wondering if from now on you could revert to making sure you spend the actual day together, as you hadn't realised how important it was to you, when you agreed to move it to a convenient weekend. Resolved then for the future.

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