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To not want to be asked this everytime I see her (bf related)

(119 Posts)
GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 10:49:42

Everytime I walk into dp's mothers house with my 3 month old ds: 'Are you still breastfeeding?' Cue awkward 'Um, well yes..'

It's just getting boring now as she's done it everytime from the first visit. She also holds him and talks to him, but directing it at me, saying things like, 'when are you going to start aptimil?' hmm

I feel like bf has gone really smoothly for me and ds and all I get is people trying to stop me sad. Even dp yesterday said he looks to big to still be doing it!

My mum and sister also say to give him a bottle before bed and he will be happier. He's very happy thank you!

I don't expect a well done or a pat on the back but this is just pissing me off now. Rant over.

SnowHOHOboarder Mon 25-Mar-13 11:07:39

My ILs and even my parents were like this from when DS was about 3 months. I just said "I'm trying to do what's best for him and since DH has asthma and excema I'm trying to help protect DS from similar allergies." DS is still EBF now at 9 months. I don't need to feed him as much now he's fully weaned but I'm not going to stop altogether until he and I feel ready. It's no one else's business how I feed my child as far as I'm concerned!

Chunderella Mon 25-Mar-13 11:07:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Startail Mon 25-Mar-13 11:07:53

Tell mum to shut up and ask that question again when your baby is at school and not before and then ignore her totally.

I know several DCs who fed to 3-5 years, not months and DD2 way beyond that.

As for feeding in public tell your DP that taking a toddler to eat in public is way more embarrassing than a BFing baby and you can't cover them with a blanket when they are having a massive tantrum and everyone's staring at you!

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:08:12

Maybe a little Eldritch but being brought up by a woman like her, it's not surprising!

janeyjampot Mon 25-Mar-13 11:08:59

My MIL used to say the same, but I think it was partly that she really wanted a role to play and hoped to be able to give DD a bottle. Also that any choice we make that is not the same as the choice they made is seen as a direct attack on their way of life, but that's another matter!

Is there something your DP's mother can do when you take you DS to see her? That might make things easier.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:11:09

Maybe janey but she does spend time with him and they are bonding nicely otherwise. Not really much you can do with him at the moment though. Hopefully as he gets a bit older it will stop

herethereandeverywhere Mon 25-Mar-13 11:12:23

YANBU. My MIL did this. People generally like to think you're going to make the same choices as them because that reinforces or validates their choices. My MIL ff and (subconsciously I'm sure) wanted me to reinforce her decision (and prove "she knows best".) I did it as long as was right for me. And ignored the sighs when DDs would only be settled by a bit of bf.

You've had some great suggestions for respostes on here!

MadameJosephine Mon 25-Mar-13 11:13:17

YANBU! My family haven't asked this time round, I bf DS until 20 months so they know better. However, I have had comments about 'still' bf and suggestions of baby rice/formula/cooled boiled water from my HV!!

MadameJosephine Mon 25-Mar-13 11:14:13

DD is 19 weeks btw

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 25-Mar-13 11:14:48

Some great responses here!

It is maddening when people do that thing of making a comment addressed to someone else but clearly aimed at you. I'd be tackling that by saying 'Can you please talk to me direct if you have something to say about DS? He can't really understand or answer you.'

Your DP needs to get a grip about your BFing too and support you.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 25-Mar-13 11:15:11

I would also go with the direct " yes I am,move on please" before she says a thing.

Oh and next time your in public with dh,if you don't want to use the blanket then don't. If he says anything apologise then put the blanket over DH's head.

Alligatorpie Mon 25-Mar-13 11:15:40

The WHO recommends bfing for 2 years. You may want to tell them that. You can print out some information and then leave it around for them to read at their leisure.

I love humphrey's response.

It is sad they are hassling you at 3 months. Why would you switch to formula unless you wanted to / or couldn't continue feeding for whatever reason.

Please so not stop until you are ready. Do not let them bully you out what is the best for your baby. You do need to get your dh on board though, i would let him know unless he started supporting me, I would be limiting my visits to his family. Good luck!

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 25-Mar-13 11:18:12

DD is 2yrs and 3mo... wonder what they'd think of us?!

Think Pacific has it right with "are you still asking?" grin

You're doing great, keep it up. flowers

KoalaFace Mon 25-Mar-13 11:18:13

YANBU that is so irritating! You are doing really well and I am tempted to think that you MIL, DM and DS are taking your choice to ebf as criticism against their own choices (which of course is due to their self esteem nothing to do with you).

How about next time MIL asks you say "Would you like me to just let you know when I stop bfing? It'll save you asking me every time then!"

Or "Are you worried about DS? Would you like me to get you some literature on the guidelines for up to 6 months and then you'll understand what's going on? I know understanding of child development has come on a lot since yours were little."

lightfairy Mon 25-Mar-13 11:18:42

I got fed up of people suggesting formula and food to make my boy sleep at night.
I got the opportunity to try it because of medication issues and it didn't work.
I refused to see that particular HV after that.
Tell your DH that BF is free and you're doing it for the food of the family finances. A saving money argument always works on my DH.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:19:59

If he says anything apologise then put the blanket over DH's head.


He was a twat that day, we were both new to it all and in a shopping centre. He said could you please cover up I saw that security guard having a look hmm

One sure way to stop men looking at tits is to breastfeed!

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 25-Mar-13 11:20:14

(Meant to say DD is still bf at 2yrs and 3mo)

glenthebattleostrich Mon 25-Mar-13 11:20:51

TBH by the time DD was 3 months old I'd stopped being polite when asked about feeding her.

My DH suggested I might cover up when feeding in public, I suggested if he found it such a problem he eat with a blanket over his head.

Next time you are asked tell them you intend to let you baby self wean when they are a toddler. Now that gets a response grin

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:22:33

Also my sister has said a couple of times, 'you can stop bf you know if you're finding it hard, you don't have to be perfect' wtf? I'm far from perfect! Basically if I'm having a hard week of ds not sleeping her and my dm will straight away jump on about stopping when it's nothing to do with bf!

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 11:23:50

I really love bf and didnt think I would. I do want to continue for as long as ds wants (never thought I would!) but I feel like ill be explaining myself forever!

Kveta Mon 25-Mar-13 11:24:07

I had this for 3 years with DS - basically, from the minute my grandmother met him. then sister and mum would occasionally chime in.

They have yet to ask when I will stop feeding 9 month old DD grin

PacificDogwood Mon 25-Mar-13 11:25:47

"If he says anything apologise then put the blanket over DH's head."



PacificDogwood Mon 25-Mar-13 11:31:12

Don't explain. Don't justify. Just keep doing it smile.

And yy to validating own choices: there are a lot of people who feel critisised if they see somebody doing somethind different from how they did it.

The flipside is the situation my mother found herself in when I BF: she is still upset about having been actively discouraged from BFing by HCP when she had me and then my brother. 'You have no milk' said within hours of delivery... hmmangry. She was v supportive of me BFing, but I think found it quite hard and certainly emotional at times.
I am 47, she is 72; I am perfectly well healthwise, I have certainly never wasted a single thought on how I was fed as a baby, and still she feels bad sad.

You just keep doing what you enjoy, your DS thrives on AND you have the frigging evidence to show it is a benefit. Don't make it a battle.
Maybe your DP will be more positive about it in time. You could show him this thread wink?? I think some men find it hard to make the jump from boobs = lovely, jiggly love toys to boobs = ment for feeding younglings.

LadyApricot Mon 25-Mar-13 11:31:51

Please stand up to her now or it just gets worse.. I speak from experience!
Get your dp to have a word too ;)

WafflyVersatile Mon 25-Mar-13 11:35:05

Find a book which promotes BF until the children are 3 and 4 years old and rave about it next time you're there. Offer to lend her it. Mention how inspired you were by the stories and the beautiful photos of mums breastfeeding their school age children.

Once the paramedics have checked her out and given her the all clear tell her that you actually intend to BF until your DC is at least x months or years or whatever your choice is.

Or just tell her you intend to BF until x age in line with current best practice, so there's no point in asking again.

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