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to fancy a gay guy like mad! is it unusual?

(29 Posts)
whataguy Mon 25-Mar-13 00:29:18

And how do I shake it off, he's so gorgeous, nice, I love his (friendly) touch shock.

Arrgh! Haven't fancied anyine like this for ages, is it my mind playing tricks on me...

Icelollycraving Mon 25-Mar-13 01:21:22

Have you been single for a while or more recently? Why have you turned your gaydar off? grin

ChairmanWow Mon 25-Mar-13 04:13:07

Not unusual but sadly pointless. Perhaps you need to see a little less of him. Remind yourself that he is gay and nothing will ever happen between you. Don't let yourself get carried away thinning about the two of you being together because it will never happen.

Sorry to be blunt.

ripsishere Mon 25-Mar-13 05:59:38

Agree with Chairman. I got the raging fanny gallops for my friends 'husband'. sadly they only had eyes for each other.
DD was bridesmaid at their civil partnership ceremony and all the while I was having unreasonable fantasies about him having a change of mind (and sexual orientation) and ravishing me.

meditrina Mon 25-Mar-13 06:35:24

Agree with Chairman.

And unless you know this is brief passing fad, the thing you need to do is work out why you are so violently attracted to an unavailable man.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 25-Mar-13 06:56:26

Been is painful, but it will pass. And yes it could be your mind playing tricks with you...there is something 'safe' about having a crush on a gay man. If you are in a relationship yourself it doen't feel like cheating (again been there....)

Not remotely unusual. There is a regular Radio 4 presenter who I believe is gay and I don't think there is a middle aged (or older) woman in the whole of the UK who doesn't harbour fantasies of 'changing' him.

Take care! xx

kim147 Mon 25-Mar-13 07:20:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChairmanWow Mon 25-Mar-13 07:34:42

Evan Davies?

Lottashakingoinon Mon 25-Mar-13 07:37:16

Kim might be wink, he's lovely but not quite the same je ne sais quoi!

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 25-Mar-13 08:01:32

I have several gay friends who are sociable, excellent conversationalists, sensitive and aware, well-groomed and shower regularly. Very fanciable. smile
But yes, I agree that it's a 'safe' sort of attraction if you are already in a relationship.
If you aren't, then sometimes knowing someone who you can talk to, and they really listen, or who is comfortable with touch in our non-touching society can be very appealing.

ArtemisKelda Mon 25-Mar-13 08:14:17

There is the most gorgeous gay man at work, he makes my knees wobble and my voice go a bit squeaky blush. I am v v v happily married so like Nebulous says, it's a very 'safe' attraction and I can just enjoy the view!

Are you single or in a relationship OP?

whataguy Tue 26-Mar-13 00:06:43

thank you for the kind responses!

I'm single, getting some interest from men atm, but no one I like more than socially or as a friend, fancied one a bit briefly but soon evaporated, I haven't fancied anyone like I do this guy for a long time!! gawd, why is he gay?!

I always liked him and we got on well every time we met (infrequently), but last week, after a long break, he's put his hands on my shoulders, something he didn't do before, and air kissed me 'hello', and I just really swooned under that touch! had been buzzing for the rest of that day. Couldn't stop thinking about him all w/kend and imagining us together.

Artemis, how do you manage? I s'pose having a nice H at home helps smile
Lotta how did you shake it off? did you confess and let him pour cold water over it? maybe that's what I should do?

whataguy Tue 26-Mar-13 00:07:39

forgot to add, I suppose I hope he is bi-sexual, but there's no evidence of that!

CandyCrushed Tue 26-Mar-13 01:13:33

I used to fancy loads of the characters in the US version of 'Queer as Folk', especially the lead guy, he was lovely.

Sorry, not helpful.

whataguy Tue 26-Mar-13 12:39:31

Candy grin, but see, when it's purely visual and at a distance, it's not te same as knowing you feel really attarcted with the real touch, lots of good lookign guys are not that attractive close-up!
Should I try and talk to him, folks, or just stay miserable and wait till it passes?

Helltotheno Tue 26-Mar-13 12:44:35

OP I went out with a gay guy for a year.. ok disclaimer: he wasn't out at that stage but I was 99% sure he was gay. Do I care? No. I laughed my ass off for a year and had bucket loads of fun!

So I say... go for it or at least don't let his gayness/bi-ness rule him out smile

Pixieonthemoor Tue 26-Mar-13 12:52:18

Oh just enjoy a lovely crush in your heart as long as the head knows there's nothing in it!

As an aside, FAVE phrase of the day, Rip's "raging fanny gallops" grin

ErrorError Tue 26-Mar-13 13:21:03

I can say that approximately 80% of men I've had major crushes on have all been gay. Without going too far into stereotypes, I think it may have something to do with that I feel they understand me better and are in general very attractive and well-groomed. I also think it's because there's an element of knowing it can't go any further so I am free to like them and not have to worry about the whole 'does he, doesn't he?' agony that you often get in budding romances.

I am currently in a situation where I am obsessing over a straight man, but I am 99% sure he has a crush on a mutual female friend, who is a lesbian. She has a girlfriend but he flirts with her a LOT, and for me it's quite painful to watch as I like him so much. However, even if he doesn't fancy me, I can understand that his pain will be worse because our friend will never fancy him. He's very shy with women so I suppose flirting with her is 'safe'...

Currently praying for a handsome metrosexual to sweep me off my feet! grin

Also... watch the film 'The Object of My Affection' with Jennifer Aniston in it. Perfectly demonstrates the complications of crushing on gay friends!

whataguy Tue 26-Mar-13 13:51:55

thanks, guys!grin

Helltotheno shock. How did that work then - was he passionate? I thought proper gay men can't really fancy women. Are you a tomboy type grin?

Pixie, yes I can't forget that expression either! grin

Error, oh God, I feel for you AND for your male friend! You do have some hope still, don't give up yet as once he gets the message, you never know. Why not ask the lesbian friend to spell it out to him? I'm sure it would be a painful but quick cure for him, and then you could have your chance! Or ask him out socially and then also mention that the friend is very happy with her gf.

ErrorError Tue 26-Mar-13 14:01:56

My crush on the poor chap is so obvious to all my friends, that I've come to the conclusion that either A) he likes me too but doesn't want to admit it, B) genuinely loves our friend so can't see the wood for the trees, or C) doesn't like me and is using flirtation with friend as a mask so I can't get anywhere near him. I'm not forward about it at all, but until he gets over her, I don't have a chance. They even go on 'mate dates' together, just the two of them. He is actually very lucky that her gf isn't jealous! At least I know I'm the right gender for him though, when in the past I've had to suffer in silence liking gay men. That's a start I suppose! confused

LessMissAbs Tue 26-Mar-13 14:09:07

But if he wasn't gay op, but a stereotypical heterosexual male with typical heterosexual traits op, you might not fancy him? Anyway, you say he might be bi, alternatively you can have a really deep platonic relationship, so who cares about what labels can be applied?! So nice you're open minded I think.

whataguy Tue 26-Mar-13 14:59:22

Error, so they go on mate dates? you see, I'd be really pleased if my crush agreed to that <dreams>...I would have a chance to know him properly and then maybe crush would subside AND I'd find out whether he's bi or not, also whether he has a steady BF now. I always like to take a chance and see rather than suffer in silence, unless someone is relationship. I think you need to talk to lesbian friend and if she knows you dilemma, she should help. She could find out whether he likes you but is too shy, and also if she's a good person she could put him straight about the fact she'll never facny him. It'sa bit cruel of her to string him along if she's giving him non-commital responses.

Less I don't know if he's bi at all, no evidence, I'm just hoping. The thing is, he's not camp, I don't think I could fancy a camp-sounding/looking gay man, so he does have hetero traits on the surface. I would consider being good platonic friends, but of course I don't know whether that will work in practice.

So does anyone think I shoud start contacting him, carefully? we never met just the two of us.

ErrorError Tue 26-Mar-13 15:37:48

Yep they do quite a lot together. She knows I like him because I told her early on, but I don't think she encourages his flirting, I reckon she just doesn't mind him doing it because she assumes he understands it can go no further. But he's probably still hoping against hope! Not much I can do about that. He is pretty shy around me but I can't figure out if it's because he likes me or not. I've tried not to think about it too much because I've only known him 4 months, ironically introduced through the lesbian friend!

Only thing I can suggest in your case is, spend more time with him not less. If you spend less time together, I think that's when your fantasies run a bit wild and you start idealising a relationship with someone. But more time together will prove that either your feelings are returned (if he turns out to be bi) or as you said, you might go off him. He could have some really ugly personality trait that's a total dealbreaker for you. Nothing kills a crush quicker than realising something like that. Go with the careful contact route, as friends, and include other people until you know each other better. If you become good friends then hopefully he'll feel comfortable to reveal his orientation quickly and lessen the pain for you if there's no chance.

I'm going to watch that Jennifer Aniston film right now and moon over my dilemma! Unrequited love is so annoying!!

ArtemisKelda Tue 26-Mar-13 22:06:03

Whataguy, I just enjoy eyeing him up & that 'OMG, what a fine figure of a man' thing. It's pretty harmless even though he's also a bit geeky and I have a thing for geeks

I've been with DH for over 20 years, the poor bugger is stuck with me grin

I guess it's a bit different when you're single and not sure if he man in question is bi. A mate date sounds like a good step, getting to know him a bit better.

Work bloke is also not camp in the slightest, he's still only attracted to men though.

whataguy Tue 26-Mar-13 23:11:57

Error so are you not good friends with the lesbian? I think she is you best help in this, if you get on with her. She could ask him about you, or you could tell her that you are really interested and ask if she would put him staight regarding his hopes with her (if of course she definitely is not interested confused).

Artemis, yes, it's so easy when they are not camp to imagine things happening. My guy is not camp but when you talk to him it's easy to guess he's gay, he's not reserved like most guys are, and chatty/touchy with women generally, his clients are all women, plus he obviously looks after himself. But no camp manner in his voice or walk grin.

Well, I 've sent him an e-mail asking about something this lunchtime, no response so far. I can't engineer frequent meetings in any way, he has to want to be mates if we were to meet more. I will suggest things but if he doesn't respond, there's no chance just bumping into him. I'm a bit worried that he sensed that I'm attracted (and not just friendly) and might avoid me <ouch>, though really he can't be abs sure.

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