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To still feed my 5.5 year old child?

(114 Posts)
Cannierelax Sun 24-Mar-13 20:30:55

He is a horrendous eater. Today I made him chicken pasta and he ate 3 bites of pasta and 2 pieces of chicken in 25 minutes. If I don't feed him he will not eat a varied diet but will get hungry and demand cookies. Aibu to continue feeding him do he will at least eat a few bites of healthy food?

Startail Sun 24-Mar-13 22:25:49

Super nanny would still be sitting there 7 years later if she'd tried to get DD2 to eat anything she didn't want to.

I think she would have starved, or at least lived on the odd bits of school food she would eat, she was and still can be, spectacularly stubbon.

scottishmummy Sun 24-Mar-13 22:29:02

Your child can eat,no physiological impediment.he eats on own terms with bad habits
Stop feeding him.don't make food a thing.offer it,if he declines scrape plate no comment
Reduce the draw and emotional energy.not respond to inappropriate behaviour.

fuzzpig Sun 24-Mar-13 22:33:34

YABU, sounds really stressful though.

Cannierelax Sun 24-Mar-13 22:33:59

When we have been invited over to friends( this is very embarrassing) but he has refused to touch the meals that have been prepared. So I made him toast.
My anxieties are that I want him to get his recommended nutrition daily- carbs, protein vitamins etc. I fed him a banana today otherwise he wouldnt have eaten it.
I'm starting to feel like a crap mum, I've always tried my best to ensure he had a good diet,but in actual fact it wasn't. As he never ate the meals I made... Fwiw, I have battled an eating disorder for several years , I do hope this has nothing to do with it.

NaturalBaby Sun 24-Mar-13 22:34:15

The weaning stage may be in the past but if you look back and go over things you might be able to work out where these issues started. For example - why is he making a performance of choking and holding his throat?

My ds is nearly 5 and being very fussy, picky and controling - it's like he has to exert some level of independence and what/how he eats is fairly easy to control. He has very limited choice and control in everything else as he's at school all day so I can forgive him for being a bit fussy and picky.

Does he ever get involved in choosing meals, shopping for food, preparing snacks or small meals?

Cannierelax Sun 24-Mar-13 22:36:03

Natural baby- he enjoys making cupcakes ( more junk)

scottishmummy Sun 24-Mar-13 22:37:27

Stop offering alternatives of toast,cookies.offer meal,and if he decline scrape plate
I can see this is causing you lot distress,he'll pick up on that emotional charge
Keep it light,neutral and not all about fact don't discuss eating

Cannierelax Sun 24-Mar-13 22:38:10

He has also just recovered from tonsillitis where he lost a lot of weight. I feel more at ease knowing he has eaten say for example a banana today although I did feed him.

NaturalBaby Sun 24-Mar-13 22:39:28

you can make healthy fruit muffins, pancakes, pizzas... look up I can cook on Cbeebies. We have a kids cooking class nearby as well so spent a few weeks making something nice once a week which went down really well.

scottishmummy Sun 24-Mar-13 22:40:10

You polarize food.the nutritious stuff he won't eat.the cookies,toast you offer that he will eat
Stop offering these alternatives. No discussion or response to him holding throat
Get him involved making good nutritious food

Sirzy Sun 24-Mar-13 22:41:27

Your not a crap mum. I can fully understand why you have continued to feed him but that isn't getting to the bottom of the issues which really need tackling now.

Can you give him a daily mulit vitamin?

NotAnotherPackedLunch Sun 24-Mar-13 22:42:56

When you cook for him keep some back and put it in the fridge. Then if he doesn't eat his dinner you can bring out the next portion instead of a snack when he is hungry later.
It is also easier to pretend not to care whether he eats it or not if you haven't just cooked it.

scottishmummy Sun 24-Mar-13 22:47:20

I wouldn't offer multivit,just introducing another battle another stressor

Cannierelax Sun 24-Mar-13 22:47:59

Sirzy- I give multivitamins daily
Not another- good idea. In hindsight I realise I've been substituting too many bland snacks( toast/ cheese/Cookies) that I knew he would eat as I felt he would be hungry as he wouldn't eat his meal. I will be speaking to DH tonight to explain my plan of action
To make things worse, I have at times been allowing him to sit in front of the tv so he wouldn't concentrate on his food, whilst I fed him. Just so the brat would eat.
Okay- things are going to change, they can't go on as they are. I really appreciate all the advice.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 24-Mar-13 22:50:41

Have you tried gardening. DD will eat any amount of peas, beans, strawberries and such if we grow them together. Don't ask about the half rotten tomato she ate from under one of the plants <boak>

Also, sorry about this... is your eating disorder a past issue for you or do you think you are still in delicate recovery with it? You certainly may be more anxious around food, worried about his eating, watching him. This could affect it.

If he likes baking, what about carrot cake, banana or courgette bread? Just reduce the sugar in them and put more veg or fruit. I even hear there are cookies you can do with courgette in them.

scottishmummy Sun 24-Mar-13 22:51:52

Telly off, meal at table,no hoo haw when he refuse or hold throat
Keep meal times light,offer no alternatives.clear cupbard of junk foods
And remember tiny,small steps to get there.anticipate you'll have up and downs

2rebecca Sun 24-Mar-13 22:57:23

Meal at table with family if possible, don't discuss his meal or feed him. When everyone has finished then ask him if he has finished if he has tidy away no puddings, stop buying sweet treats so there aren't any. Just give him a small portion so if a couple of hours later he says he's hungry he can have another helpin of the same food.
I agree stop watching him, feeding him as he's enjoying the attention. Congratulate him if he eats his dinner but make eating an enjoyable activity not a daily chore. He won't starve himself.

Cannierelax Sun 24-Mar-13 22:59:46

Mrs- yes we planted garden peas- he never ate a single one!
I really do hope my eating disorder hasn't caused this. I've slwAys been anxious about his eating, ever since he was a baby. I had comments from others saying I over fed him when he wasn't hungry. I didn't have a clue about the weaning stage but made everything from scratch sndexercand refused to buy tins. He hated the food.

Cannierelax Sun 24-Mar-13 23:03:26

What do I do when an hour after meal time he inevitably says he's hungry. I want toast or a biscuit?? Do I say no, u didn't finish your dinner, or do I say, no dinner time is finished. Or even, we don't have cookies / toast? My common sense has completely gone out of the window in terms of this eating issue. He moans and moans at the dinner table from the second I place it infront of him.

Cannierelax Sun 24-Mar-13 23:04:00

Apologies for typos

scottishmummy Sun 24-Mar-13 23:06:32

Menu plan so you know schedule.offer regular meal at table,no toast,no cookie
If he decline,scrape plate no comment.offer meal again 3hour later
Hungry in between offer small fruit and don't bulk up on drinks

midastouch Sun 24-Mar-13 23:15:41

YABU how is he ever going to learn to eat himself. My DS is awful for this particularly since DD was born, but i havent given in and if he doesnt eat his dinner he goes hungry, may be harsh but i havent got time to feed 2 children and eat myself, and seeing as he is fully capable why should i!

idlevice Sun 24-Mar-13 23:26:33

We have a bit of a similar situation with our DS1 just about to turn 5. We have started eating together all around the table which has definitely made his eating improve a bit. He will have a blander, smaller version of what we have, eg pasta, veg on the side, grated cheese. We also made a list of a few points of what was expected him to constitute "a good tea" - try going through this with your DS but keep it short & simple & gradually build up to working on each one when/if you feel you can. For new foods, our DS must try one mouthful only & if he says he's full he must eat another 3 mouthfuls before he can be finished (if it's clear he can't really be full).

I was concerned he was malnourished, underweight etc & when I mentioned it to the dr Complan was suggested as a supplement. DS now has half a sachet a day in a fruit smoothie, mainly to give me a bit of piece of mind. As it's like a milkshake there is no problem with him drinking it!

Yfronts Sun 24-Mar-13 23:35:22

Stop feeding him and don't offer any alternatives like cookies. Just say that he can have his original dinner anytime he wants.

Morloth Sun 24-Mar-13 23:46:38

You say: 'tough luck, you should have eaten your dinner - if you are hungry, get an apple'. And ignore the ensuring histrionics.

You cook a meal, fair enough maybe not full adult spicy. You say 'Dinner's ready' and give it to him.

If he doesn't eat it, then oh well, he can't have been that hungry.

Right now it is a game, and he is winning.

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