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To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

(447 Posts)
seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 10:07:29

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

SkinnybitchWannabe Sun 24-Mar-13 10:09:34

Am I abit think not to know what you're talking about? confused
Maybe it's a good thing Ive got sons!

Tee2072 Sun 24-Mar-13 10:10:23

I'm not sure I understand what you mean either. But I also have a son.

rainrainandmorerain Sun 24-Mar-13 10:13:33

I don't know what an emotion keeper is, but I am intrigued, so tell me more!

plaingirly Sun 24-Mar-13 10:13:40

“…first know that a husband has authority to tell his wife what to wear, where to go, whom to talk to, how to spend her time, when to speak or not to, even if he is unreasonable and insensitive.”

“I realized for the first time that God’s way is for me to love, respect, honor, and OBEY, no matter what.”

“The servant is not given the option of deciding that the master is not acting within the will of God and therefore should not be obeyed. It is acceptable with God (God’s will) for the underling to suffer wrongfully and take it patiently.”

From Created to be a Helpmeet.

There will always be people seeking to define a woman's role. Lots of generalisation.

SirBoobAlot Sun 24-Mar-13 10:25:07

YANBU. It makes me angry.

Bonsoir Sun 24-Mar-13 10:27:27

It isn't true and there is no point getting all worked up about something that is a figment of your imagination.

badguider Sun 24-Mar-13 10:31:23

I'm not entirely sure what you mean but it sounds either a bit 1950s or downright emotionally abusive if the woman is "walking on eggshells" to keep her husband happy and suppressing her feelings. My relationship doesn't work like that and neither does my parents and pils. In fact I don't know anybody who would admit openly that theirs does because it would be shameful and 'behind closed doors' not a norm.

LibertineLover Sun 24-Mar-13 10:31:32


exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 10:33:30

I haven't a clue what you mean. I live with my DH and 3 DSs, grew up with brothers-why on earth would I be 'emotion' keeper? It seems a very odd thing.Why do I need to 'keep them sweet'? What does 'keep them sweet' even mean?
We are just people-you learn to live together.
If anything I would say that it pays to keep the mother 'sweet'-I certainly did if I wanted permission to do something-my father was a much softer touch in the first place-with my mother you had to work at 'selling' it the right way!

janey68 Sun 24-Mar-13 10:35:05

My role isn't to 'keep my husband sweet'. What a strange idea

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 10:35:36

If you have to do this in your personal life then you married, or are living with, the wrong man! My grandmother didn't do it in the early 20th century.
You don't have to teach your DD anything-they do as you do and never as you say.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 10:36:46

I like to think that I generally agree with you, seeker, but that is the biggest load of old tosh I have ever heard! (saying something on MN!)

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 24-Mar-13 10:39:04

The only person who can change your behaviour towards men OP is yourself. If you think that you need to keep a man 'sweet' that's really your problem to fix.

seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 10:43:07

Sorry- I've used "emotion keepers" so long that I forget I invented it, and people don't know what it means.

Women are expected to smooth things over, to keep everybody happy. To put their own needs last. To be responsible for other people's moods and emotions.
To find subtle ways to make men engage in perfectly reasonable family and domestic arrangements. To trick them into doings he right thing, like toddlers....

seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 10:44:27

To those people saying this is "tosh"- have you read mumsnet recently? I wish it wasn't forbidden to to threads about threads.....!

Chandon Sun 24-Mar-13 10:45:23

Sorry, I am not sure what you mean....

Or maybe I do? I Feel responsible for soothing everybody's emotional or angry outbursts and I sometimes feel like the " emotional punchbag/sponge of the family". Everybody offloads their issues with me, as I am the mum. Even DH does this, though I often withdraw from him if he comes home angry from work as I cannot take anymore ( wish he would look for another job).

Then again, I also get lots of love and appreciation and the one who gets the good news first if things are good.

It just can be exhausting. Is that what you mean?

HollyBerryBush Sun 24-Mar-13 10:45:26

To find subtle ways to make men engage in perfectly reasonable family and domestic arrangements. To trick them into doings he right thing, like toddlers....

to me that reads as women are manipulative.

If that is your experience of family life then I pity you because it's nothing like my family life.

HeartsEggsDiamonds Sun 24-Mar-13 10:46:17

My husband's not like that. Neither is my brother. Neither is my dad. In fact I would say that between my mum & dad, he is the emotion keeper, responsible for her moods and emotions. She has always been pretty volatile.

Chandon Sun 24-Mar-13 10:47:07

Cross post. So that is different. i do not need to coax DH into taking part in domestic arrangements! He has aken the DC to rugby and is freezing his arse off whilst I am having coffee and am n MN

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 24-Mar-13 10:49:05

I've certainly read threads where some women think it is their job in life to make everyone else happy ... at their own expense a lot of the time, up to and including tolerating DV 'for the sake of the kids'. But you can't generalise and say they are typical of all women which is what your original post implied. These poor creatures are often damaged, insecure, lack confidence, have low self-esteem and don't feel they are important enough to put their own needs first.

shesariver Sun 24-Mar-13 10:49:46

Women are expected to smooth things over, to keep everybody happy.

By who confused

You dont describe my family thats for sure.

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 10:50:20

This is not what my relationship is like at all and my parents' relationship is very like the one that Hearts describes.

I think that to assume that lots of women are living like this is to rather underestimate us and judge us by what happens in your own relationship. It is also very patronising!

StuffezLaBouche Sun 24-Mar-13 10:50:43

You will get a hundred people here saying their life is nothing like that, and they don't know what you're talking about. But just casting an eye over some of the threads in Relationshps, particularly, makes me realise you're right.

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 10:51:18

I am assuming that this is based on your own experiences btw.

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