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AIBU?

Aibu to not expect 'D'P to not act like a twat (warning TMI)

96 replies

Purplefurrydice · 23/03/2013 13:32

I get home from an exercise session and get in the bath. After a few minutes I start to get a sparkly zig zig crystal thing in my left eye and can't see. This stops after about 10-15 minutes. I get out the bath and tell DP what has happened as I am a bit frightened by this. DP suggests I might have a migraine (I have never had one before) I go to bed as I am feeling funny and headachy. DP joins me in bed (despite me tell I feel headachy and need to rest). DP starts massaging my leg (which is nice) and then moves up to my lower back/bum. He then proceeds to start poking me in my bum with his erect penis. I do not respond as I am trying to rest/sleep. DP continues poking me. I start gently sobbing. DP gets huffy as I won't open my legs. I tell him my head is hurting and I am trying to rest and start sobbing loudly. DP goes off in a huff.

Aibu not to expect DP to act like a twat and consider my feelings?

OP posts:
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pinkyredrose · 23/03/2013 13:34

Um, that's not twatty that's abuse.

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Hawkmoth · 23/03/2013 13:37

Jesus Christ, what an arsewipe.

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Nanny0gg · 23/03/2013 13:37

Hideous behaviour. He's more than a twat.

And I'd go and get your eyes checked out too.

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DeepRedBetty · 23/03/2013 13:37
  1. Yes, that's a symptom of my sort of migraine. There's a pill that will help, see your GP.


  1. And far more importantly DP has behaved appallingly and when you're feeling better you will have to have a very serious conversation about the meaning of the word No.
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MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 23/03/2013 13:38

Can I ask does he do this often? If you tell him stop, does he persist?

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Naysa · 23/03/2013 13:38

If my DP did that to me, the relationship was over.

I had a bad headache once, DP brought me water, juice, shut he blinds and let me sleep it off. If he came near me with his penis when I was feeling like that there would be hell to pay!

Get rid!

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pjmama · 23/03/2013 13:38

How would he have reacted to a flat no? It concerns me that instead of telling him to bugger off, you're not well you seemed to just hope he'd go away if you didn't respond. Is there a reAson why you don't feel like you can tell him no? It's despicable that you have to end up crying before he'll get the message.

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nilbyname · 23/03/2013 13:40

he was poking you in the rear, you were sobbing and now he is in the huff?

This is abuse, how awful for you.

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OHforDUCKScake · 23/03/2013 13:43

I got a migraine like that once. Its called a classic migraine. (Theres two different types, classic is one).

Your DP is hugely insensitive. Did he appologise this morning.

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ImperialBlether · 23/03/2013 13:43

Eh, pjmama, you think she has to say no? Shouldn't being blind in one eye and crying indicate she didn't want sex?

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KoalaFace · 23/03/2013 13:44

That sounds worrying. Did you not tell him no because you were feeling so poorly and out of it or because you don't feel you can?

When was this? Has he apologised since?

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DeepRedBetty · 23/03/2013 13:44

If after the serious conversation he still doesn't get how unacceptable what he did was, I'd take it as red flag.

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LindyHemming · 23/03/2013 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkyredrose · 23/03/2013 13:45

pjmama there are many ways of telling if someone wants sex or not. Saying no is only one of them.

That's a defense used by rapists "she didn't say no"

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Dannilion · 23/03/2013 13:46

Did you at any point give him any signal to stop? If not, is there any reason you didn't?

I'm not blaming you. It's just I guess you were enjoying your leg rub, your DP pushed things further, you didn't stop him and instead just started crying?

A lot of massages lead to sex, yes he shouldn't have got huffy when you finally said no but it just seems a bit weird to me that you'd rather sit there crying quietly than say you weren't interested in the first place.

Hope you're alright anyways.

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RubixCube · 23/03/2013 13:48

The fact the op didn't respond should be signal enough.Don't ever think your to blame op,What he did to you is disgusting

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livinginwonderland · 23/03/2013 13:51

question: why didn't you just say no?

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OHforDUCKScake · 23/03/2013 13:51

Pinky he didnt rape her. He took her response as a no, stopped and sulked like a teenager.

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pinkyredrose · 23/03/2013 13:52

question: why didn't you just say no?

Rather dismayed at some of the posters on here perpetuating rape myths.

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pinkyredrose · 23/03/2013 13:54

No he didn't rape her but he tried to force her into sex when she wasn't feeling well and then got stroppy when she didn't want to.

Doesnt sound like he's got her best interests at heart.

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RubixCube · 23/03/2013 13:54

Some of the messages on here are disgusting.The op was ill with migraine ffs of course she wouldn't need to say no.Her being ill should be a clue

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Montybojangles · 23/03/2013 13:56

I don't think I've ever had to tell my DH no. He is perfectly able to tell from my responses if I'm not really in the mood, just as I can with him.
I can't imagine him ever going off in a huff if I'd been unresponsive and said I was in pain (but then I can't imagine him ever trying for a quickie if he knew I was in bed with a migraine) Surely the correct response is to offer to grab some paracetemol and a nice cup of tea??
I'd tend to agree with pinky that this is a bit abusive and passive aggressive maybe :(
Get your symptoms checked (have similar with my migraines, can sometimes feel like ive had a stroke) and hope you feel better soon.

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coppertop · 23/03/2013 13:58

I think some posters are getting the issue of consent the wrong way around.

Purple's dp doesn't get to do what he likes just because Purple hasn't used the word "no". The onus is on him to get Purple's consent before attempting to put his penis anywhere near her.

If "I've got a problem with my eye, I feel funny, and my head aches" mean "let's have sex" then a visit to the GP or A&E would be an entirely different experience for many of us.

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LadyFlumpalot · 23/03/2013 13:59

Leaving aside the sex part for a second, I would strongly suggest a trip to the opticians. I went for a routine check up in the week and was told I had the beginnings of a detached retina, and to watch out for any sudden zig-zagging lines or floaty bits. They told me to phone in as soon as possible so they could fix it.

Your P behaved extremely badly, I hope he has realised what an idiot he was an apologised today. Also, I hope you are feeling better?

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livinginwonderland · 23/03/2013 13:59

i don't think it's a disgusting question. if my partner did that, and i wasn't interested, i would say no.

question: did he know you were crying? i am not for one minute suggesting it's not upsetting or anything like that, or that what he did was okay, it's a genuine question.

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