Talk

Advanced search

Aibu to not expect 'D'P to not act like a twat (warning TMI)

(97 Posts)
Purplefurrydice Sat 23-Mar-13 13:32:35

I get home from an exercise session and get in the bath. After a few minutes I start to get a sparkly zig zig crystal thing in my left eye and can't see. This stops after about 10-15 minutes. I get out the bath and tell DP what has happened as I am a bit frightened by this. DP suggests I might have a migraine (I have never had one before) I go to bed as I am feeling funny and headachy. DP joins me in bed (despite me tell I feel headachy and need to rest). DP starts massaging my leg (which is nice) and then moves up to my lower back/bum. He then proceeds to start poking me in my bum with his erect penis. I do not respond as I am trying to rest/sleep. DP continues poking me. I start gently sobbing. DP gets huffy as I won't open my legs. I tell him my head is hurting and I am trying to rest and start sobbing loudly. DP goes off in a huff.

Aibu not to expect DP to act like a twat and consider my feelings?

pinkyredrose Sat 23-Mar-13 13:34:23

Um, that's not twatty that's abuse.

Hawkmoth Sat 23-Mar-13 13:37:02

Jesus Christ, what an arsewipe.

Nanny0gg Sat 23-Mar-13 13:37:10

Hideous behaviour. He's more than a twat.

And I'd go and get your eyes checked out too.

DeepRedBetty Sat 23-Mar-13 13:37:31

1. Yes, that's a symptom of my sort of migraine. There's a pill that will help, see your GP.

2. And far more importantly DP has behaved appallingly and when you're feeling better you will have to have a very serious conversation about the meaning of the word No.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Sat 23-Mar-13 13:38:08

Can I ask does he do this often? If you tell him stop, does he persist?

Naysa Sat 23-Mar-13 13:38:16

If my DP did that to me, the relationship was over.

I had a bad headache once, DP brought me water, juice, shut he blinds and let me sleep it off. If he came near me with his penis when I was feeling like that there would be hell to pay!

Get rid!

pjmama Sat 23-Mar-13 13:38:53

How would he have reacted to a flat no? It concerns me that instead of telling him to bugger off, you're not well you seemed to just hope he'd go away if you didn't respond. Is there a reAson why you don't feel like you can tell him no? It's despicable that you have to end up crying before he'll get the message.

nilbyname Sat 23-Mar-13 13:40:38

he was poking you in the rear, you were sobbing and now he is in the huff?

This is abuse, how awful for you.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 23-Mar-13 13:43:02

I got a migraine like that once. Its called a classic migraine. (Theres two different types, classic is one).

Your DP is hugely insensitive. Did he appologise this morning.

ImperialBlether Sat 23-Mar-13 13:43:09

Eh, pjmama, you think she has to say no? Shouldn't being blind in one eye and crying indicate she didn't want sex?

KoalaFace Sat 23-Mar-13 13:44:15

That sounds worrying. Did you not tell him no because you were feeling so poorly and out of it or because you don't feel you can?

When was this? Has he apologised since?

DeepRedBetty Sat 23-Mar-13 13:44:27

If after the serious conversation he still doesn't get how unacceptable what he did was, I'd take it as red flag.

Euphemia Sat 23-Mar-13 13:44:29

How dare he go in a huff! angry

pinkyredrose Sat 23-Mar-13 13:45:32

pjmama there are many ways of telling if someone wants sex or not. Saying no is only one of them.

That's a defense used by rapists "she didn't say no"

Dannilion Sat 23-Mar-13 13:46:14

Did you at any point give him any signal to stop? If not, is there any reason you didn't?

I'm not blaming you. It's just I guess you were enjoying your leg rub, your DP pushed things further, you didn't stop him and instead just started crying?

A lot of massages lead to sex, yes he shouldn't have got huffy when you finally said no but it just seems a bit weird to me that you'd rather sit there crying quietly than say you weren't interested in the first place.

Hope you're alright anyways.

RubixCube Sat 23-Mar-13 13:48:29

The fact the op didn't respond should be signal enough.Don't ever think your to blame op,What he did to you is disgusting

livinginwonderland Sat 23-Mar-13 13:51:46

question: why didn't you just say no?

OHforDUCKScake Sat 23-Mar-13 13:51:55

Pinky he didnt rape her. He took her response as a no, stopped and sulked like a teenager.

pinkyredrose Sat 23-Mar-13 13:52:51

question: why didn't you just say no?

Rather dismayed at some of the posters on here perpetuating rape myths.

pinkyredrose Sat 23-Mar-13 13:54:03

No he didn't rape her but he tried to force her into sex when she wasn't feeling well and then got stroppy when she didn't want to.

Doesnt sound like he's got her best interests at heart.

RubixCube Sat 23-Mar-13 13:54:19

Some of the messages on here are disgusting.The op was ill with migraine ffs of course she wouldn't need to say no.Her being ill should be a clue

Montybojangles Sat 23-Mar-13 13:56:08

I don't think I've ever had to tell my DH no. He is perfectly able to tell from my responses if I'm not really in the mood, just as I can with him.
I can't imagine him ever going off in a huff if I'd been unresponsive and said I was in pain (but then I can't imagine him ever trying for a quickie if he knew I was in bed with a migraine) Surely the correct response is to offer to grab some paracetemol and a nice cup of tea??
I'd tend to agree with pinky that this is a bit abusive and passive aggressive maybe sad
Get your symptoms checked (have similar with my migraines, can sometimes feel like ive had a stroke) and hope you feel better soon.

coppertop Sat 23-Mar-13 13:58:22

I think some posters are getting the issue of consent the wrong way around.

Purple's dp doesn't get to do what he likes just because Purple hasn't used the word "no". The onus is on him to get Purple's consent before attempting to put his penis anywhere near her.

If "I've got a problem with my eye, I feel funny, and my head aches" mean "let's have sex" then a visit to the GP or A&E would be an entirely different experience for many of us.

LadyFlumpalot Sat 23-Mar-13 13:59:06

Leaving aside the sex part for a second, I would strongly suggest a trip to the opticians. I went for a routine check up in the week and was told I had the beginnings of a detached retina, and to watch out for any sudden zig-zagging lines or floaty bits. They told me to phone in as soon as possible so they could fix it.

Your P behaved extremely badly, I hope he has realised what an idiot he was an apologised today. Also, I hope you are feeling better?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now