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AIBU to feel sad about being asked to stop beastfeeding in a restaurant because the restaurant is attatched to an old people's home.

(76 Posts)
honeytea Fri 22-Mar-13 18:54:10

There is a restaurant which is inside the building of an old people's home, both the home and the restaurant are owned and run by the local authority, many people from the local community use the restaurant as it is open to the public.

I went for lunch with a friend today, it was lovely, about 60-70% of the customers were residents of the old people's home, the other 30-40% were just local people and people that work in the nearby local authority buildings. We had so many ovely comments, lots of the older customers came up and had a little chat with the babies and gave us some advice and told us how many grand children they had, one lady even came and asked if she could hold my friend's baby so my friend could eat her lunch.

When we had finished we went and sat in some chairs out of the way and (breast) fed our babies (they are 3 and 4 months) one older lady came up and said how lovely it was to see them feeding like that and asked if she could look at DS feeding, I moved my arm a little so she could see his adorable sleepy little face whilst he fed.

When we had finished and were packing up to go (boobs away, babies fed and asleep) a woman came and said to us "It's lovely that you come here but next time if you want to feed could you tell us and we can put you in a private room so you don't offend anyone"

I feel really sad about this, I feel very sad to think I may have offended people, I wonder if the older members of my own family take offence when I feed DS. AIBU to feel worried that I have offended people? Maybe I should just ask the older members of my family if they mind.

We live in a place where the community is very mixed, for example I was in a baby massage class (run by the local authority again) and an old lady came and sat in and just said she was just there to watch, she just loved babies and her grandkids were grownup now.

candyandyoga Sat 23-Mar-13 21:34:59

Complain complain! Silly woman saying that to you!

People who are offended by bf are idiots.

KatyPeril Sat 23-Mar-13 19:44:53

That's mental!

INeedThatForkOff Sat 23-Mar-13 19:38:57

When he's sitting at a table in a restaurant?

Gloria, where would you like the BFing mother to move to in this scenario? I hope you're not suggesting the toilet.

And yes I did feed DS in a restaurant opposite my grandfather. It stopped DS crying and as a result DGF seemed to get over himself.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 22-Mar-13 23:04:31

I think you've maybe exaggerated a little to make a BF point.
If not I apologise in advance.
Did you know there is a special BF/FF topic on here where your issues could be addressed?
And you could talk forever about it without cynical old cows like me not commenting?

cory Fri 22-Mar-13 22:55:27

<casts mind around elderly Swedish relatives trying to find even one who would be offended by breastfeeding>


cory Fri 22-Mar-13 22:54:27

<casts mind around elderly Swedish relatives trying to find even one who would be offended by breastfeeding>


OxfordBags Fri 22-Mar-13 22:27:02

People have a right to be embarrassed and offended. They just don't have a right to expect or demand that anyone do anything about it. Especially when the thing that's upset them is something totally normal and acceptable. The person who has the problem needs to deal with what's making them feel that way, not expect the world to revolve around pandering to their weirdness.

WestieMamma Fri 22-Mar-13 22:26:10

Shallishanti Sweden doesn't have specific protection for breastfeeding mothers. Swedes would be astonished that other countries need to pass such laws. Keep in mind that at 3 months 75% of Swedish babies are still exclusively breastfed as opposed to 17% in the UK. Most of the time it really is a non-issue here, but there's always one numpty around to buck the trend.

WafflyVersatile Fri 22-Mar-13 22:22:19

To be charitable maybe the woman who came over (staff presumably) had misunderstood some directive about providing a private area if requested with BFing women having to go in the private area.

Or maybe someone did complain or she did think people would find it offensive. The attitude to BFing in public has changed quite dramatically in the last few years. It seems to have gotten a lot more common and I seem to remember more people being a bit discombobulated by it not many years ago. It's not that surprising that some people are behind the times.

ConferencePear Fri 22-Mar-13 22:20:30

This is a piece of illogical madness. Does this stupid woman not realise that most of the old women present would have breast fed their babies as a matter of routine ?

SheepNoisesOff Fri 22-Mar-13 22:16:12

We have the same problem here in the Netherlands, there is no legal protection for breastfeeding, presumably because it has traditionally not been a big deal. Now more American attitudes are creeping in in all areas of life, and women are sometimes told to go and feed in the loos and that sort of thing - and we can be asked to leave cafes and restaurants for BFing! It almost never happens, but I have certainly heard of it happening here in Amsterdam. Of all places.

My experience having BF here there and everywhere in Amsterdam is that older people are far more likely to be much more comfortable with it, older women smile at me quite a lot and older men also have no issue with it whatsoever. I should think that the Swedes were pretty much the same as the Dutch in that regard. I really wouldn't worry about it. A lot of older people (not all of course, everybody is different!) really love being around babies and small children. And then probably going home for some peace and quiet wink

Weissdorn Fri 22-Mar-13 22:07:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 22-Mar-13 22:00:27

Funny actually, but the only place I have thought twice about breastfeeding was in our local pub on Sunday. It had about 5 old men sat at the bar, drinking and I felt uncomfortable for the first time ever. I turned myself around and my DH just stood up while I got a latch and got comfy.
Anyway, one of the old guys shouts something like ' arh the little uns getting some good nosh girl, good for he!'
No one batted an eyelid.

Shallishanti Fri 22-Mar-13 21:54:35

I like your thinking MajaBiene grin
I really am astonished if it is true that Sweden has no protection for babies and mothers, maybe you should check it out OP.
And, it's especially sad if you felt uncomfortable at a place like that, it sounds fantastic allowing the elderly to mix naturally with the rest of the world!

Startail Fri 22-Mar-13 21:52:32

Mind you I'd probably given her such a look she'd have fled.

Startail Fri 22-Mar-13 21:51:42

Official complaint to the manager

Weissdorn Fri 22-Mar-13 21:39:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WestieMamma Fri 22-Mar-13 21:32:17

I'm really surprised by this. Breastfeeding in public does not carry any stigma in Sweden (hence there being no specific law to protect it).

MajaBiene Fri 22-Mar-13 21:04:50

Keep a blanket or shawl with you at all times, to drape over the head of anyone who finds it embarassing to watch you breastfeed.

FreyaSnow Fri 22-Mar-13 21:03:19

TEM, I breast fed my two until they were two. I have never had a negative comment from anyone. I've had lots of positive comments, particularly from elderly people. I think negative comments are rare.

ubik Fri 22-Mar-13 21:01:39


Jengnr Fri 22-Mar-13 21:01:17

Tell her anyone who is offended can sit in the private room instead. Your child will eat his dinner at the table like everyone else.

TigerseyeMum Fri 22-Mar-13 21:01:06

Lol I haven't started breast feeding yet so I am getting all catsbumface about it in advance. Just to prepare myself.

GloriaPritchett Fri 22-Mar-13 20:54:13

Why should you not keep going there? Look how happy you made that lady. It's a free world to go where you like and to be offended when you like!

Svrider Fri 22-Mar-13 20:52:31

Ok so by that definition I'm old
I was bfing 3yo ago
I'm surprised I didn't offend myselfx
Op I would genuinely be surprised if old people either noticed or were offended

Btw my FIL would leave the room when I bf
Untill the football came on

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