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Mixed seating at weddings WHY??

(254 Posts)
PicassosSausage Fri 22-Mar-13 14:57:48

Was recently at a wedding where DH and I were split up, at the same table, but with various random cousins and friends of the bride and groom between us. Am I being a miserable old wench for not liking this at all? The people between us were complete strangers and, although we are both pretty outgoing, I really loathe the whole forced small talk thing. I'm sure bride and groom were hoping we'd all mix and get along - which of course we did - but I don't go to weddings to make new friends, sorry I don't I go for the free booze

Our friendship group was scattered across the room and husbands and wives similarly split up on tables

I know it's their wedding day but AIBU to think this is just annoying and a bit...I dunno...stupid

Pigsmummy Fri 22-Mar-13 17:02:25

Would hate that too, I put groups of friends etc together at our wedding and even put a note on the table inviting people to swap places half way thrugh to catch up with people if they wanted. I would not enforce this mixed seating, it is a wedding not a business networking event!

quoteunquote Fri 22-Mar-13 17:04:36

I love meeting new people, doesn't bother me in the slightest, everyone has something interesting about them, I love interrogating interviewing them to find out, I can always make people laugh, and once you have made someone laugh, they tend to friendly.

it only for the shortest time, as soon as the food and speeches are over people tend to mingle anyway,

Weddings are about the union of two people, so couple usually hope that all different people they care about will interact.

Chandon Fri 22-Mar-13 17:05:28

I was looking forward to a wedding of an old mate from Uni.

But. he had split his old group of uni friends up over all the tables. So I spent the night wedged between a middle aged fruit grower from Sussex and an old auntie, who lived abroad.

Apparently the bride wanted the uni group split up, as we would have "too much fun and become drunk and rowdy" so we had to be split up.

Well, it defintely was not drunk and rowdy, but I did learn about growing soft fruit in the English climate. Hurray.

So anyway OP, That is why they do it, so there is not one FUN table that makes the other tables feel like they are not having enough fun.

ENormaSnob Fri 22-Mar-13 17:06:48

Tbh I am pretty damn good at socialising and meeting new people. I find it easy to make small talk and can generally chat with anyone.

I would still prefer to be sat with dh and our mates over some randoms.

And I would feel pretty resentful at being micro managed into socialising with people I don't know.

Pandemoniaa Fri 22-Mar-13 17:09:45

It's pretty normal to separate married couples at table (unless in the first year of marriage)

Well despite having the sort of education that placed heavy emphasis on knowing whether the Archbishop of Canterbury took precedence over minor aristocracy at dinner parties so far as seating was concerned, this particular rule missed me too. Although admittedly, it may have pertained in the Victorian era.

When entertaining at home I want people to sit where they are comfortable. I would do similarly at a wedding. Not because people have to be superglued to their partners but because the whole event will be much more enjoyable if you aren't forced to sit with complete strangers for the sake of it. If you force people to mingle you can guarantee that they'll do quite the opposite. Networking might have a place in the workplace but that's where it should be left.

So no, YANBU.

VoiceofUnreason Fri 22-Mar-13 17:15:45

Quote said "Weddings are about the union of two people"

YES, they are. So why would anyone deliberately SPLIT UP all the other unions????

SoupDreggon Fri 22-Mar-13 17:24:03

I agree with you soup I do (as you know!)

Er... no you don't.

Egusta Fri 22-Mar-13 17:25:24

I really really detest being split up.

At our wedding we had designated tables which we divided according to freindship groups. I mean- people are paying money to come and be with you, the least you can do it make it so they are with people they either like (which you know already) or they may get on with.., which you have to guess.

My Dh and i barely get out just us nowadays. It is a pretty big effort when we do, with babysitters and no family about. Added to that, i am very shy, and gain confidence when next to him. So i am better with him beside my side.

Last August we went to the biggest event of the year for us. It is a major cocktail party-come dinner- come 'breakfast' so is from 6 pm to about 2 am. It is really the only thing we go to nowadays. So, babysitter at 7 pounds per hour before midnight and 11 pounds after. £95 per head for the event, without alcohol. Taxis for us, and the baby sitter to get her home safely. New dress not for several years now and then alcohol on top of that.

All i wanted was to have a nice night out. i was seated next to a fat, red faced sweaty bastard who has a history of hitting on me, and who kept breathing beer fumes over me, putting his hand on my knee and asking me if sex with my husband was worth it.

I bailed out at 11 as i could not bear it. DH was seated next to fat sweaty bastard;s wife who kept giving me evils.

fucking horrid evening. And we paid all that money for it. Okay, so it is not a wedding, which is where the Op came from, but the pricniple is the same. you want to wish your friends well and have a nice time- which may have been quite difficult to arrange, pay for and organise. At least you can sit next to someone you like?

Chandon Fri 22-Mar-13 17:25:57

I do not mind being split up from DH though, but it woyld have been nice to catch up with old friends. In the wedding I described above, the dinner WAS the party, it was a 3 hr long dinner with a carefully measured 2glasses of wine per person.

I am the queen of smalltalk, but I still prefer at least one familiar face at the table.

plantsitter Fri 22-Mar-13 17:29:19

The best wedding I ever went to was one where the seating plan went all wrong so they had to mix everybody up a bit randomly. I am vegetarian and was sat next to a pig farmer. DH was sat next to a 50 yr old lady who ran a B&B (we were in our early 20s at the time). We both had a lovely, flirty, twinkly-eyed time. I think you are all being grouchy and mean. Weddings are about finding out who the other people in the bride and groom's circle are. You can always go and chat to your mates or family later. People do love to moan about weddings, don't they?!

Pandemoniaa Fri 22-Mar-13 17:30:15

I love interrogating interviewing them to find out, I can always make people laugh, and once you have made someone laugh, they tend to friendly.

Hmmmm. Only while I would never be rude in these circumstances, any complete stranger who attempts to interview me will get absolutely nowhere. Also, if I want to be made to laugh I will go to a comedy night.

Egusta Fri 22-Mar-13 17:39:24

sorry for my rave. blush

still a sore point.

(as is my DMother directing people where to sit at our wedding....)

habbibu Fri 22-Mar-13 17:41:52

Just remembered a dinner I went to when DH (boyfriend then) was a fellow in a Cambridge college. The deal was that you sat next to the person you came with fir the first 2 courses, then all the people who weren't from the college got moved. I ended up on the high table next to one woman who tried v hard to entertain both me and the man beside her, and with a man on the other side, who completely ignored me until DH came to rescue me. At that point he then turned to me and very politely introduced me to DH. grr.

Booyhoo Fri 22-Mar-13 17:43:16


i was at a wedding last year where some of the tables seemed to be very mixed and others were people all of the same family or people who were all good friends and the people having the most fun were definitely the ones who already knew each other.

expatinscotland Fri 22-Mar-13 17:46:15

Assigned seating at a wedding reception? Why? Naff.

Dededum Fri 22-Mar-13 17:50:13

My cousins wedding, only knew my family and he sat us on a table with them and our three very small kids. Never got an opportunity to talk to anyone else but still had to endure the two hours of photos and endless speeches. It was dire, DH ended up walking the kids round the grounds.

Our wedding split everyone up, it was quite small. I knew our friends could deal very well with small talk / getting pissed with strangers. Great party.

My brothers same table as DH and kids and sister of bride and few other people. Worked well as well and suited the groupings as lots of different people who didn't know each other.

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Mar-13 18:12:12

It isn't about being split from DH as such, just split up from anyone I know. And smalltalk with strangers could lead to indiscreetness surely? Especially with wine involved.

Tailtwister Fri 22-Mar-13 18:20:06

I can understand why people don't like being split from partners (I'm not a fan of it myself), but I always thought it was pretty standard. I've never been to a wedding or dinner party where I've been seated next to DH, not even work Christmas parties.

However, I'm amazed that people move place cards around. I think that's quite rude tbh.

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Mar-13 18:21:32

I think being told where to sit is ruder Tail.

ifancyashandy Fri 22-Mar-13 18:24:29

God, this thread is depressing. I'm very happily single. Off to a wedding in a few weeks where I will know the Bride and no-one else. Met the Groom once. Going for the whole shebang.

Hope to god none of you 'Don't seat me near a stranger' lot are going to be there and forced to sit next to me. Lord forbid if I should try and strike up 'small talk' as it's been described on here hmm.

Personally, I call it 'conversation'. AKA as 'making friends / getting to know people / showing an interest'. I like getting to know new people. I like being sociable.


Tailtwister Fri 22-Mar-13 18:25:40

Seriously Sparkling? You would really move place cards around to suit yourself? I've never been a fan of seating plans myself, but I would never dream of moving names around when the host has spent time placing everyone. It's a case of 'suck it up' if you don't like it imo! You are a guest!

Tailtwister Fri 22-Mar-13 18:30:04

I quite agree ifancyashandy. People should really be happy to make conversation over the course of a meal.

Has anyone ever seen the Billy Connolly sketch where he's invited to a Christmas party dinner at some guy's house? I always hope to meet some mad and interesting people at weddings. Quite often happens too, especially after the wine has done a few rounds!

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Mar-13 18:35:38

The most important thing at a wedding is that the bride and groom get married, not where people sit at the Reception IMO, so I don't see a problem moving place cards. It would have to be a real Bridezilla to care about it.

MyNameIsLola Fri 22-Mar-13 18:35:43

YANBU, OP, I hate it too.

At our wedding we had one huge banquet table and no seating plan, all very informal and lovely and there were no issues with people figuring out where to sit, they just sat.

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Mar-13 18:36:36

We had one table too. Nobody felt left out, everyone sat where they liked.

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