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Mixed seating at weddings WHY??

(254 Posts)
PicassosSausage Fri 22-Mar-13 14:57:48

Was recently at a wedding where DH and I were split up, at the same table, but with various random cousins and friends of the bride and groom between us. Am I being a miserable old wench for not liking this at all? The people between us were complete strangers and, although we are both pretty outgoing, I really loathe the whole forced small talk thing. I'm sure bride and groom were hoping we'd all mix and get along - which of course we did - but I don't go to weddings to make new friends, sorry I don't I go for the free booze

Our friendship group was scattered across the room and husbands and wives similarly split up on tables

I know it's their wedding day but AIBU to think this is just annoying and a bit...I dunno...stupid

PiHigh Fri 22-Mar-13 15:03:55


At our wedding we sat couples next to each other, mixed my family with Dh's family (i.e. 2 couples from each per table iyswim) and had uni/school friends on their own tables.

Katiepoes Fri 22-Mar-13 15:04:31

I agree. At ours we had assigned tables (needed at Irish weddings) but not assigned seats. Even then we made sure that everyone knew someone.

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Mar-13 15:05:14


I probably would have quietly swapped seats with someone.

AuntieStella Fri 22-Mar-13 15:06:04

A wedding reception is a smarter and larger version of how you would entertain people anyhow. It's pretty normal to separate married couples at table (unless in the first year of marriage).

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 22-Mar-13 15:07:08

I think mixing people up at weddings is ridiculous. Sit people with their friends/those they know so they can all relax and have a good time.

Tailtwister Fri 22-Mar-13 15:09:02

Traditionally it's normal to separate couples at a wedding reception. I do agree it's quite tiresome and hard work though. I always get seated next to the resident PITA at these things, probably because people know I can be trusted just to bite my tongue and get on with it.

BandersnatchCummerbund Fri 22-Mar-13 15:10:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PicassosSausage Fri 22-Mar-13 15:10:35

AuntieStella I've never heard that before about first year of marriage, alas we were not! I would have been happy to be split up with DH, in fact would have preferred it, if it had been on a table with our friends

I don't mind being split up and next to a stranger say at a dinner party, but that's a more intimate environment, not a noisy wedding

ecuse Fri 22-Mar-13 15:10:38

"It's pretty normal to separate married couples at table (unless in the first year of marriage)"


I must have missed the rule book entry on this grin

I just let people sit where they want at home. And at weddings I like sitting in groups of people I already know. Often half the fun of weddings is catching up with old friends you don't see very often/all together.

TobyLerone Fri 22-Mar-13 15:10:41


I LOATHE forced 'mingling'. I don't want to sit with strangers. I want to sit with DH and my friends/family.

At my wedding, I refused to have a seating plan at all. We didn't have a top table and I just made sure that there were more seats than people. The event planner almost had kittens about it, but it worked out fine and everyone could sit with whoever they wanted to sit with.

Ragwort Fri 22-Mar-13 15:11:58

I would much rather sit with different people than with my DH, after all I sit with him for every meal all the time grin. What I don't like is sitting with other people's children when you have been specifically told that your own children are not invited.

However, I would much, much prefer to go to an informal 'buffet' type reception than a boring sit down meal with rubber chicken.

FringeEvent Fri 22-Mar-13 15:12:04

That's a bit strange. Having close family/friendship groups split between tables isn't particulary unusual (we resorted to doing this at our wedding because it was max 10 people per table and some of our 'groups' were 11 or 12 people, so it was better to split them at evenly as possible, eg. 5 on one table and 6 on another, rather than have individuals/couples singled out to be separated from their usual crowd). But not sitting next to your partner? Just seems completely unnecessary, and a bit mean (or at the very least, inconsiderate).

ENormaSnob Fri 22-Mar-13 15:13:30

Yanbu at all.

At least there was alcohol wink

aldiwhore Fri 22-Mar-13 15:13:43

It may have been normal to separate people in the century before last but it's not the norm now.

I don't mind sitting with strangers, but I would insist I sat next to the person I'd been invited with during a formal meal. If I want to mingle, I will but I'm not keen on being told I can't sit next to my husband. I'd have swapped around the seating plan.

I'm very sociable, but I can't be doing with this micromanaging bollocks.

At our wedding we had long tables and put friendship groups/family groups on each table... why is it so important to insist that my mate from school chats to my great uncle in-law? What was important to me was that everyone had a great time, had fun and enjoyed celebrating the ONE thing that bound them all, our marriage. I couldn't have cared less about them mingling politely. It resulted in a very happy, relaxed, friendly atmosphere where people later mingled all by themselves until the early hours.

Startail Fri 22-Mar-13 15:14:20

I like being with DH and need to be withDD2 because she is a pain about food. I'd rather not have got just my parents and DSIS, much as I love them. I go and see them quite often and chatter on the phone. We know each others gossip.

Cherriesarelovely Fri 22-Mar-13 15:15:03

This post made me laugh. When we had our civil ceremony DP got herself a special computer programme to organise the seating! She came downstairs proudly brandishing this plan in which she had mixed EVERYONE up. People were no where near their partners, work colleagues were with our family and nowhere near each other, one or two older children weren't even near their parents! I told her people would absolutely hate it. Fortunately she eventually agreed. I don't think being split up on a table is that bad but it is a bit "forced".

I am also very outgoing but had a really embarrassing time at a wedding a few years ago when I was sat at a table where I knew literally no one but they all knew each other. It was so horrible!!! I couldn't wait for it to end!

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Mar-13 15:17:20

I hate that. Me and DH did a bit of emergency name card rearranging at one wedding, I had bought an outfit, a present, a night at a hotel I would never stop at usually, and driven 100s of miles for the wedding. I will sit with DH ta very much. angry

BackforGood Fri 22-Mar-13 15:21:57

Surely you could have just swapped the name cards around ?

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Mar-13 15:23:05

Exactly Back. grin

GrendelsMum Fri 22-Mar-13 15:23:28

Gosh, I can't bear being sat next to my DH at a wedding - I see him every day as it is, so I hardly want to drive hundreds of miles <sitting next to him> in order to sit next to him some more.

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Mar-13 15:25:05

grin but at least you know him Grendels. Who wants to sit with total strangers?

MimiSunshine Fri 22-Mar-13 15:27:51

It may not have been on purpose, my friend was annoyed when she realised that the hotel had put place cards out in first name alphabetical order rather than in couple order. So some were and others weren't next to each other.
I pointed out she must have given them to them in that order but it fell on deaf ears grin

ThatBintAgain Fri 22-Mar-13 15:28:08

Gawd, I went to a wedding with DH (way back when we weren't married!) and he was the best man. He sat on the top table and I knew no one at the whole wedding and ended up on a table miles away with some random kids who threw soup. (My vegetarian main meal was brought out by a man who said "there's always one awkward bugger".) I have never got so drunk so quickly.

mrsbungle Fri 22-Mar-13 15:29:34

YANBU. I also cannot stand forced mingling. Cringy. I do enough of the having to make small talk 'networking' at work. At a wedding I just want a glass of wine and to enjoy myself!

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