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is mil showing favouritism again or am I being oversensitive.

(13 Posts)
cloudy99 Fri 22-Mar-13 13:58:09

So we have 2 dc. a daughter and a son. MIL has history for favouring dd over ds. She is older and probably easier to handle.
In the past it has been clear that when she buys clothes for both children much more thought goes into dd's Now i know it's easier to buy for girls but clothes she buys for ds only just fit and are the most basic things. (No patterns etc. Also agreed to go to a special one off event with dh, and dd on ds's birthday.(ds didn't want to go). whilst there brought a gift for dd and told off ds for wanting to try it on.
so that's abit of background. Today she comes round with Easter gifts for dc.
They both got different chocolate treats. ds probably got slightly more.
Other gifts for dd were a small craft set and a knitting set.(mil knows she is into knitting). ds got a maths practice book for age 6/7. He is about to turn 7 and is ahead for his age. (mil knows this)
AIBU to be cross about this. Realise I do probablt take things to heart more as she is there only grandparent. (my mum always treated them the same when she was alive)

DeWe Fri 22-Mar-13 14:28:11

I suspect you're more insulted over the maths book being "beneath" him than it being favouritism.
As you said he got more chocolate then it sounds like her more not being sure what to get him, and trying to make it fair.

My dd's would have preferred the maths book too.

It sounds to me that she just doesn't know what to get him-some people do find one gender easier to buy for. Maybe you could drop her a few ideas "ds likes lego/spiderman/whatever".

And I don't think I would have let mil take dh and dd on an outing on ds's birthday unless he had other stuff planned that didn't involve them. If she invited him, it's not really an issue of favouritism, because he didn't want to go. If she only invited the others, then it could be favouritism, but it would be up to you to say no to the idea.

Ragwort Fri 22-Mar-13 14:32:19

I think you are massively over thinking this, it is generally a lot harder to buy 'nice' clothes for boys than for girls, and perhaps what your MIL buys for your DS is what she considers 'nice' anyway.

Maybe she just does get along better with your DD than with your DS <shrug>, it isn't always possilble to treat everyone exactly the same. Looking back I am sure I spent loads more time with my GPs than my brothers did.

MardyBra Fri 22-Mar-13 14:40:05

I think YABOS. A lot of people don't like logos and characters on boy clothes and just prefer plain things. I think MIL's presents sound thoughtful. She knows your DD likes knitting and she knows your DS is strong in maths.

cloudy99 Fri 22-Mar-13 14:47:20

The outing was something that dh instigated. He obv invited mil and obviously hoped we could all go. But ds didn't want to. I probably am over sensitive but these things keep on happening that concern me. We were out for Mother's day and ds wanted to buy something with his own money. She gave him a great big lecture about waiting for birthdays/xmas etc and than promptly took dd out and brought her some more knitting stuff.

MardyBra Fri 22-Mar-13 14:54:59

Well now you're dripfeeding more information.

cloudy99 Fri 22-Mar-13 14:56:57

When I am talking basic though I mean poundstretcher basic whereas dd gets debenhams etc althought I guess that isn't the point.
Think I am also sad because of the way she is with him and that is clouding my judgement. (lovey dovey with dd but quite harsh with ds)

cloudy99 Fri 22-Mar-13 14:57:49

Sorry didn't want to make op too long and now mulling it over more.

mynewpassion Fri 22-Mar-13 15:07:55

There is not much selection in boys clothing be it from an inexpensive or expensive store. Its just shirt and pants/sweats. Girls has 10x as much selection. I know. I have nieces and nephews who I buy clothes for. My siblings are just grateful to get anything for them.

Maybe she wanted him to save his money for those big occasions but shouldn't have discouraged him if he wanted to buy you a Mother's Day gift.

Hulababy Fri 22-Mar-13 15:16:41

I don't think you're bing unreasonable to be concerned. You'll know if there's favouritism yourself. It does seem like she wants to give your dd more treats and love than our Ds asked on your posts.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter Fri 22-Mar-13 15:18:38

does she have any other gc?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 22-Mar-13 15:38:30

Has she had DDs herself, it could be she is revelling in having a girl to buy for. Was she affectionate and indulgent with DH when he was growing up?
I probably am over sensitive but these things keep on happening that concern me
Once you start thinking along these lines it's hard to stop. Does DH pick up on this? Has DS noticed yet?

Floggingmolly Fri 22-Mar-13 16:25:26

Why did your DH organise an outing involving himself, mil and your dd on your ds's birthday that your DS didn't want to go on? You can't blame your mil for that?

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