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Boarding schools for children under 11 is just wrong

(552 Posts)
babybarrister Thu 21-Mar-13 22:13:49

If I were PM for the day this would be on my to do list.
Children under 11 are too young and if their parents cannot look after them it should be raising serious alarm bells not generating slaps on the back for complying with an outdated tradition.

lonnika Sun 03-Nov-13 20:45:28

TheHouseonhauntedhill I can totally understand that - I have just dropped my 11 year old DD back at school and she has her pin board full of 'self made' motivational posters EG nothing is impossible, believe and achieve etc and photos of her sporting Heros. How could I deny her this opportunity?

howrudeforme Sun 03-Nov-13 18:27:02

outdated tradition - for whom?

Well I wouldn't do it for mine even if I had the cash and it were the greatest school around.

My df was a public school boy - he ran away lots to the point the only way of staying was to board with a family in the area and go as a day boy. That suited him better.

But lots of people do it - sometimes it's because of working overseas and contracts and obligations etc.

My df totally against boarding but actually put my 6 year old half sis in boarding side of school to keep her safe when he had to travel. He was in a dangerous country at the time.

Not my thing - but then again I know lots of parents seperated from their kids due to poverty and working away to provide for them.

TheHouseonHauntedHill Sun 03-Nov-13 17:59:46

Ummmm I would err on the side of caution re schools.

I have some relatives who are extremely bitter they were not allowed to forfill shcolerships at Millfield when they had the sporting talent to do so, they have held it against their very loving parents, because they do not feel they have for filed their potential.

LaQueenOfTheDamned Sun 03-Nov-13 17:52:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lonnika Sat 02-Nov-13 20:52:13

Me too morethanpotato -
Without the very generous scholarship there is no way dd would be at her school x

morethanpotatoprints Sat 02-Nov-13 20:47:29


I know exactly the point you are making there, both my dh and dd have this drive, I had it when younger to a certain extent, but not enough to see my life through. We are low income and quite poor and dh and I originally came from a working class background.
I think it is brilliant that people can access specialist education, whatever their background or social class.

lonnika Sat 02-Nov-13 20:46:13

Very intensive - but it is the 50 mile round trip - 50% away fom school that we are hoping to avoid/lesson.
I know that there are children who are more talented than my dd at her sport that go to mainstream schools smile. I don't think gong to bs means she will achieve ''more' than them but because of facilities where we live it gives HER more chance of fulfilling her potential. Now if we lived in certain areas it def wouldn't be a problem..,,

intitgrand Sat 02-Nov-13 20:42:20

The athlete at my DDSs school is in a mainstream individual/pairs sport trains everyday before school (50 mile round trip) as well as weekends.He is probably off school nearly 50% of the time travelling to competitions and training camps.I think that is pretty intensive.

lonnika Sat 02-Nov-13 20:27:03

Alao can I just say I am more than aware that 'talent' at a young age does not indicate or ensure future success. Also I may have come across as bragging but u can again assure u that I rarely brag about dd success - only had to try and put across another reason some people choose for bs for children of a young age !!!

lonnika Sat 02-Nov-13 20:24:50

Good for your daughter and her school smile. I doubt the sport is the same as my DD smile.

intitgrand Sat 02-Nov-13 20:21:42

how talented is you dc?
my DD has an Olympian in her school who has won world titles.It is a provincial state school.

lonnika Sat 02-Nov-13 18:28:36

Alas I no longer drink - but if I did I would raise a glass - cheers x

Yermina - I wasn't getting at anyone - honest - we can 'afford'. DD fes due to a huge scholorship- but of course you are right you don't have to okay for a school to succeed in anything x

Boardingblues Sat 02-Nov-13 18:21:52

Oh and no one gives a toss about 12 year olds


Good wine!

morethanpotatoprints Sat 02-Nov-13 18:18:51


Hello, you're thread certainly took off after its resurrection grin

Boardingblues Sat 02-Nov-13 18:15:45

I think that the general view is that under 11 it is not good, though there may be exceptional circumstances that require it and therefore a ban is not a good idea. After 13, it is a valid choice though it is not for everyone.

babybarrister Sat 02-Nov-13 18:13:04

Just a reminder that my original thread was about the under 11s boarding ....!

Boardingblues Sat 02-Nov-13 18:06:21

Blimey ladies, this is going to end up with a debate on the sex of the angels! Have a wine and accept that there is great variety in the world and one size would not fit all!

morethanpotatoprints Sat 02-Nov-13 17:34:16


Some children can't fulfil their potential in the state sector and then as a parent you have a choice to make if they are gifted or talented.
You either hope for the best, as you suggest the majority of high achievers didn't go private or boarding, or you make either financial or emotional sacrifices and let them go.
We can't afford private either, but many can and its their right as a parent, surely?

Wuldric Sat 02-Nov-13 17:28:45

That's not true. It is absolutely not true.

What makes people succeed is the drive to succeed. There is no better drive than wanting to wipe people's faces in it (I don't have it btw but I know many people who do). And that is a drive borne out of a poor background rather than a wealthy background.

Yermina Sat 02-Nov-13 17:22:37

It's hard to believe that the majority of extremely high achieving people in this country didn't attend private or boarding schools.

Yermina Sat 02-Nov-13 17:20:41

"I think when a child has a passion/Talent or something you have to go with them."

With respect - it wasn't sarcastic was it?

Should those of us who wouldn't or couldn't send our talented children to a private school/boarding school just accept that they won't and can't fulfil their potential outside of the state sector?

lonnika Sat 02-Nov-13 15:35:12

Not terminal Yermina

lonnika Sat 02-Nov-13 15:34:54

terminal - yes I was being sarcastic - but when feeling very negatively judged what us one to do!!!!!

morethanpotatoprints Sat 02-Nov-13 15:15:05


Just because it wouldn't be the right choice for you, doesn't mean it wouldn't for others though.
You talk about a grammar school, there is no way any of my dc would have passed an 11+ without considerable help and extra tuition. If others want to go down this route, that is fine and I certainly wouldn't start spouting off about how harmful it is to put dc under pressure to pass exams to attend a secondary school.
It is each to their own and every child is different.
I am glad that your dd wasn't consumed with ambition, goals, and aims at 9 yrs old. It isn't easy for them.

lonnika Sat 02-Nov-13 15:13:51

Thanks LaQueen - I think as with anything sometimes hard to see another's pov. TBH I still can't believe myself that DD is at bs x

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