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Have I just been the meanest Mum in the world? My son thinks so...

(146 Posts)
OHforDUCKScake Wed 20-Mar-13 16:14:27

This is very trivial. But sometimes I dont know if Im just being too harsh.

My 6 year old does somethinb very frustrating. If we were to treat him to something, he'll smile for a second then ask for the bigger one and humph when we say no. If its a toy, sweets or a lolly for example. Instead of just saying thank you, he'll ask why he cant have the bigger one/red one/one with the extra bit on it.

Its effing annoying. He's not spoilt either, he gets sweets once a week maximum, and we certainly arent buying him toys every 5 minutes we're broke!

This afternoon we go to Tesco. He goes to the toy aisle while I shop. I get to him when Im done and call for him, he holds out a £12.95 Hero Factory toy and I give him the answer I always give him. No. Put it back.

My toddler starts kicking off, Im heading to the till. DS1 asks if he can have 'a little lego man.' I say yes, he found a pound on the floor yesterday he can spend it on that.

He runs off, I start to pay with a shouting toddler and DS comes back with the flipping Hero Factory! Taking advantage of my 'yes' he does what he always does and pushes his luck. I said no, take it back we're leaving now.

He's ended up with no toy. He broke his heart on the way home saying Im hugely unfair. I said its a lesson learnt, Id said yes to a toy and he decided to push his luck and now he has nothing.

Was I being too harsh?

ReneandGeorgetteMagritte Wed 20-Mar-13 17:08:46

Kids round here walk to school themselves at 7 givemummy, I think he's fine looking at the lego by himself for 2 minutes

Children round here hang out on the corner smoking at 10. Doesn't mean I would let my child do it.

It's not 2 minutes unless she's only going to get one thing- although OP hasn't said how long it was.

A 6 yr old is too young to be left alone, a 7 yr old is too young to walk to school alone in most circumstances.

Why do you need specifics about what the possibilities are? Does it not occur to you that children that young are your responsibility, leaving them while you wander around a supermarket (which are massive around here, definitely not within earshot) is not behaving responsibly towards them.

People do stuff like this, don't engage with their children, and then wonder why they have problems!

WeAreSix Wed 20-Mar-13 17:09:09

I don't think YABU to say no.

I agree that you shouldn't leave him unsupervised in the supermarket.

INeverSaidThat Wed 20-Mar-13 17:13:06

YANBU on both accounts..... smile

wrongsideoftheroad Wed 20-Mar-13 17:16:52

YANBU about the toy.

I'll say it, I'm not bothered by people screeching paranoid peeeedo spotter at me.

I'd be worried about something like this happening.

I don't care how rare it is..why would I put my young child in a position where it could happen when I can easily avoid it?

LeggoAcubunnyture Wed 20-Mar-13 17:17:07

Youre not being mean. My ds1 does this and really gets my goat. He is so ungreatful, tries to push the boundaries of what he can have, I say £5 he finds something for £6 etc etc etc.

Next time he might listen to you and pick what you told him to.

motheroftwoboys Wed 20-Mar-13 17:19:09

I leave my DH in the magazine aisle reading car magazines when I do the shopping. Maybe I should re-think my behaviour. grin

LeggoAcubunnyture Wed 20-Mar-13 17:19:09

Oh and btw, I'm quite surprised people have let the fact he found £1 on the ground go. I'm quite disappointed nobody has pointed out you should have told him to hand it in to the police station in case whoever lost it filed a report wink

babybythesea Wed 20-Mar-13 17:22:34

I think the world's meanest mum must be sitting in my house!

DD asked for a yoghurt yesterday morning. She's four. I got one for her. She threw a strop and said not that one, she wanted a different flavour. I know she likes the one I got out (relevant - I'm not forcing her to eat something she hates). I don't want several opened pots of yoghurt sitting round so I said no. If she wanted a yoghurt she could eat the one I got out for her, or no yoghurt at all. She stropped a bit more, declared she didn't care about me any more and refused to eat the yoghurt saying she wanted a different one.
She didn't eat any yoghurt yesterday morning. I ate it instead so it didn't go to waste. I did this without even asking her to begin with what flavour she wanted - how mean was that?

I have learnt though - when she asked today for a yoghurt she selected her own flavour. Hopefully she's learnt too -no means no means no! She is also a child who pushes her luck so this is an important concept for her to grasp!

AllDirections Wed 20-Mar-13 17:23:03

Aaah, after reading a few more posts I can see why people have different ideas about whether a 6 year old can be left in the toy aisle or not. We only have small supermarkets locally so I can leave DD3 (6) looking at things. She would never trash a box or play with the toys.

LifeSavedbyLego Wed 20-Mar-13 17:25:32

YANBU about the toy. I wouldn't have bought anything. Though I'm a mean mummy too.

I wouldn't have left 6yr ds1 in the toy aisle. Not because he couldn't be trusted just because by the time I got him he would be asking for several toys I had no intention of buying. So avoid this fight in the middle of Tescos, I send him to get the ketchup or whatever himself.

LifeSavedbyLego Wed 20-Mar-13 17:28:06

Ds1 is also one for pushing his luck, whatever he has he wants more. We have many talks shriekfests about being grateful for what we have. I fear it mostly falls on deaf ears.

LifeSavedbyLego Wed 20-Mar-13 17:31:07

Whilst you are here Lego. I've been meaning to ask do you mind me being a Lego too? I used to be duplo but then they grew up. But I'm conscious that you are the original lego and I am a poor pretender.

HippiTEEHoppoTEE Wed 20-Mar-13 17:32:45

Well, if it was on FB it must be true! I'll rethink my entire parenting philosophy now!!! I've seen the light!!

(I'm just abusing sarcasm now, aren't I?)

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 20-Mar-13 17:33:17

Actually, I've just remembered something.
When ds was about 5 we were on holiday in the Lake District, and the first shop we popped into was one of these crafty type places.
He found this cushion with a pocket with a tiny teddy bear inside, and wanted it, but I said no, it's too expensive and you'll be bored with it in a couple of days.
So after a day looking at cheaper stuff including lego, he still insisted he wanted it.
So like the soft mum that I am I went back and bought it for him.
And dear reader, he treasured it, and took it to his bed for years and years.
Ds is now 17 and it's in the attic. He just had his heart set on it and he didn't waver.
<sad where did those days go?>

Feminine Wed 20-Mar-13 17:49:34

lady my son (now 14) had one of those too... a very treasured thing also.

Seems a long time ago.

SpringlingSpaniel Wed 20-Mar-13 18:11:16

YANBU about the toy.

YABU to leave your 6 yo alone in Tesco.

If I saw a small child unattended in the toy aisle in Tesco I would do the following:

Look round for someone who might be a parent or carer
If none appeared, wait a few moments keeping an eye on the child until someone turns up
If no one still appeared, look for a member of staff and tell them there appeared to be a child left/lost

No way would I just leave the child there and assume that their parent or carer knew they were there and wasn't frantically scouring the store, or that the child would be fine until hopefully someone turned up to collect him/her.

Tesco is very big and very busy with long high aisles.

Tailtwister Wed 20-Mar-13 18:13:22

YANBU OP. They always try it on and if you give in then you're toast the next time. He'll remember this incident and not take the piss next time.

HeartsEggsDiamonds Wed 20-Mar-13 18:19:51

Admirably reasonable OP and you must always stick to your guns. No changing your mind ever because that just teaches the crafty ones that all they have to do is ask 10 times, or whine in a certain way or whatever, and that will sometimes get results. Consistency is key!

aldiwhore Wed 20-Mar-13 18:22:51

At 6 children should be getting the idea of the value of money... my 5 yr old is covering this in reception. Just the basics. We practice this in the supermarket.

"Mummy can I have this?"
"Not unless you buy it with your pocket money, how much is it"
(He can't yet read exact money but will say) "a 1, a 0, a dot, a 9 and a 9"
"How much pocket money do you have?"
"Umm... zero"
"Well if you can find a toy with a ZERO, then a ZERO, then a ZERO, then a ZERO, you can buy it can't you?"

You are not the world's meanest mum, not by a long shot.

MortifiedAdams Wed 20-Mar-13 18:25:25

You did the right thing in saying no toy at all. BUT, letting him go and look at the toys while you shop is pretty mean - "go entertain yourself looking at all the fab things you can't have"

chubbymomie2012 Wed 20-Mar-13 18:25:43

Im really worried you left him alone. Anyone could have lead him off with promises to buy toys and sweets etc. at that age they are too young to understand the consequences of these things. Especially now he knows he wont get what he wants automatically. I agree with other posters. you can avoid these tantrums by bringing him round the shop with you.
Please dont be leaving him alone he is far far too young.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 20-Mar-13 18:26:35

grin feminine.
That's not to say I gave in all the time, but his wee face when I bought it for him..., it just made him so happy.

thegreylady Wed 20-Mar-13 18:26:35

You behaved absolutely properly.I would have done exactly the same and I am the softest grandma in the world smile

StuntGirl Wed 20-Mar-13 18:26:38

YANBU to refuse the larger toy after you have already offered him one. I would have refused both too. And I would continue doing it every time he tried it on.

If an adult left a child unattended in my shop I would inform security who would escort the child to the security office and call for the parent.

My shop is not a creche. Look after your own children.

zukiecat Wed 20-Mar-13 18:29:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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