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Have I just been the meanest Mum in the world? My son thinks so...

(146 Posts)
OHforDUCKScake Wed 20-Mar-13 16:14:27

This is very trivial. But sometimes I dont know if Im just being too harsh.

My 6 year old does somethinb very frustrating. If we were to treat him to something, he'll smile for a second then ask for the bigger one and humph when we say no. If its a toy, sweets or a lolly for example. Instead of just saying thank you, he'll ask why he cant have the bigger one/red one/one with the extra bit on it.

Its effing annoying. He's not spoilt either, he gets sweets once a week maximum, and we certainly arent buying him toys every 5 minutes we're broke!

This afternoon we go to Tesco. He goes to the toy aisle while I shop. I get to him when Im done and call for him, he holds out a £12.95 Hero Factory toy and I give him the answer I always give him. No. Put it back.

My toddler starts kicking off, Im heading to the till. DS1 asks if he can have 'a little lego man.' I say yes, he found a pound on the floor yesterday he can spend it on that.

He runs off, I start to pay with a shouting toddler and DS comes back with the flipping Hero Factory! Taking advantage of my 'yes' he does what he always does and pushes his luck. I said no, take it back we're leaving now.

He's ended up with no toy. He broke his heart on the way home saying Im hugely unfair. I said its a lesson learnt, Id said yes to a toy and he decided to push his luck and now he has nothing.

Was I being too harsh?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 20-Mar-13 16:17:38

Not too harsh, spot on. He'll learn.


HippiTEEHoppoTEE Wed 20-Mar-13 16:18:01

That's what I would do with my son. If you're a mean mum then so am I!

LastTangoInDevonshire Wed 20-Mar-13 16:19:36

Why are you asking? Surely you know you are not being too harsh??

Do it a few more times and he'll start to get it, honest!

AnyoneforTurps Wed 20-Mar-13 16:20:01

YANBU. Having said that, your DS' behaviour is totally normal in a 6 year old so don't read too much into it.

GiveMummyTheWhizzer Wed 20-Mar-13 16:20:04

Um...everything else aside - you left your 6 year old in the toy aisle by himself whilst you went and did the shopping?! Or am I reading that incorrectly? Or is this a wind-up thing that I never catch on to?

If true - not harsh no. They need to learn they can't have everything they want and where the boundaries are.

YABVU leaving him alone in the shop though whilst you shop, he is only 6 - anything could happen to him.

travellingwilbury Wed 20-Mar-13 16:20:15

I would have done the same so we are both mean .

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 20-Mar-13 16:21:13

Absolutely not too harsh. Actually, not as harsh as I would be blush. My reaction to him asking for a bigger treat than what's on offer would be to withdraw the offer. Otherwise, he has nothing to lose, does he? A couple of times will most likely be enough to make him think twice about pushing it.

True Meanest Mum in the World

OHforDUCKScake Wed 20-Mar-13 16:21:29

Because he's never cried so hard and insisted I 'wasnt listening' and I was 'Sooooooo unfair.' So insistant was my usually very placid son, I began to wonder if Id been to harsh.

Because its been known. blush

MonaLotte Wed 20-Mar-13 16:21:29

No not too mean I would do it.

HippiTEEHoppoTEE Wed 20-Mar-13 16:22:21

I was waiting for the one, GiveMummy.

What, specifically, might happen?

Smartiepants79 Wed 20-Mar-13 16:22:33

Nope, not harsh, fair!
You are correct, it is a lesson learned (hopefully).

OHforDUCKScake Wed 20-Mar-13 16:22:44

Like what GiveMummy? My supermarket is in a town, is yours in Broadmoore?

GiveMummyTheWhizzer Wed 20-Mar-13 16:28:10

Well, there are other aisles he could wander off to for a start with items that can hurt him i.e kitchen implements or cleaning products. Small risk with protected packaging though I admit.

But also the major point that anyone could whisk him away and you wouldn't even know about it until you went looking for him. Unfortunately although most people are harmless there really are people out there that could harm him.

I would never do it, i think its a totally unecessary risk to take with your child when they could be helping with a list or something to entertain them - but each to their own.

oopslateagain Wed 20-Mar-13 16:28:47

I, too, am the Meanest Mum in the World. DD tried this for a bit - my answer was simple: if I let you have something and then you ask for 'the bigger one' or 'the nicer one' or 'the more expensive one', you lose the one I've just given you. Every time.

It was an annoying phase but it didn't last very long! wink

Arcticwaffle Wed 20-Mar-13 16:29:42

I say, "Put it on your birthday list". That's a lot easier than saying No or trying to debate it.
Or if the birthday is a long way off I would give him weekly pocket money and let him spend it or save it, but he'd have to work out whether he really wants each toy enough to save up.

manticlimactic Wed 20-Mar-13 16:32:01

YANBU. But I wouldn't leave him in the toy aisle. Not because of what could happen but because of the way he behaves when you do leave him there.

OHforDUCKScake Wed 20-Mar-13 16:32:35

He's 6 GiveMummy.

Not 2.

Floggingmolly Wed 20-Mar-13 16:33:08

I always leave mine in the comics aisle, they've never been abducted yet, givemummy?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 20-Mar-13 16:33:44


However, I think letting him loiter in the toy aisle has probably created your problem. If he had come round the shop with you then he wouldn't have had time to assess his options and decide he wanted something.

I also think 6 is far too young to be left alone in a supermarket. What if he ended up playing with the knives, or got run over by someone pushing a trolley?

ReneandGeorgetteMagritte Wed 20-Mar-13 16:37:30

Oh I really dislike the "what could happen!?" brigade, you go ahead and make the statistics then, I'd rather avoid being part of them where I sensibly can.

YABVU leaving a 6yo alone in the toy aisle of a supermarket.

I don't care that that wasn't your question.

OHforDUCKScake Wed 20-Mar-13 16:38:17

"What if he ended up playing with the kitchen knives. Or got run over by a trolley."


He wouldnt. Because he isnt 2.

WilsonFrickett Wed 20-Mar-13 16:38:38

Of course you're not mean, but then I also let my 7 yo go to look at the toys so I'm clearly no judge hmm

Kids round here walk to school themselves at 7 givemummy, I think he's fine looking at the lego by himself for 2 minutes.

Although do take Alibaba's point that if he wasn't in the toy aisle he wouldn't want a toy.

::picks splinters out of bum::

CorrieDale Wed 20-Mar-13 16:39:13

Definitely not the meanest mummy in the world. I must be because I make my two come round the shop with me even though they would love to be allowed to wait in the toy aisle. Tell him that perhaps!

hillyhilly Wed 20-Mar-13 16:39:55

I've frequently left mine in the toy aisle while I dash to and for, checking regularly.
I think that you were exactly right and that when he calms down you could explain that if he asks again for the bigger whatever, after you have said yes to one thing then he loses that thing. Ie if you agree to buy A) then A) is what you are buying or nothing.
My dd was very like this too and it's really very annoying!

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