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OMG - I have just had a massive shouting match with my mum and I feel so much better for it!

(18 Posts)
FeelAwfulNow Tue 19-Mar-13 14:39:10

About my childhood and the way she made me feel/things she did. I really was fucked up.

She was NOT happy and tried to turn on MY parenting which I told her I learned from her but was aware of that now and had completely changed it.

She hung up on me and said she would never speak to me again.

AIBU in not really caring at this point?

ffswhatnow Tue 19-Mar-13 14:41:35

YANBU at all - trust your gut, if you feel better for it then there must be a good reason why you do

dontoutmyselfthistime Tue 19-Mar-13 14:47:39

Good for you.

CookieLady Tue 19-Mar-13 14:47:52

YANBU. Well done for standing up to her!

Dawndonna Tue 19-Mar-13 14:49:22

Well done, enjoy your new found freedom. I don't miss my mother one little bit.
Just a warning, she probably will be back in touch, these people need feeding, emotionally.

CocacolaMum Tue 19-Mar-13 14:50:03

I don't know whether YABU.

WorraLiberty Tue 19-Mar-13 14:51:37

I have no idea whether YABU or not with such little information.

But your name does seem to be at odds with how you say you feel?

FeelAwfulNow Tue 19-Mar-13 14:54:51

I did feel awful because I could not bring myself to send her anything for mothers day.

There is a lot of back history, one of the main things being all names I was called as a child and physical abuse. I thought it was normal until I went into therapy now I see how awful it was.

FeelAwfulNow Tue 19-Mar-13 14:59:02

Need to change my nn. Still feel a little bit bad for upsetting her day. I have withdrawn for her recently and I had a urge to tell it how I saw it AGAIN. The 1st time I confronted her, I was left feeling that I was unreasonable, that I was making it bigger than it was, that I was horrid as a kid etc, but she told me that I was always a quiet little girl, was'nt bad etc so I HAD to ask why I was treated so terribly. It stopped when I left home but there have still been things that have really upset me even as an adult.

JustinBsMum Tue 19-Mar-13 15:06:22

I totally loose it on occasions due to repressing feelings and thoughts for years and years then it suddenly spills out. Only do it with one person btw not random passers by!!
Yes, it does feel much better afterwards and saying it in a nice reasonable tone would have meant it was not taken on board.

JustinBsMum Tue 19-Mar-13 15:08:23

Drat, lose, not loose.

ffswhatnow Tue 19-Mar-13 15:09:11


Agree with Dawndonna - emotional feeding is a brilliant way to describe it.

Have you been onto the Stately Homes thread? It was recently recommended to me - not posted on it yet but really helpfulto see that there are behaviour patterns to look out for

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 19-Mar-13 16:12:54

Yanbu, you must feel some relief to finally come out and say how things really were. Well done - that must have taken guts smile

BerthaTheBogCleaner Tue 19-Mar-13 16:20:09

Well done! Enjoy the peace.

Whats your bet on how long it will be before she phones and complains that you haven't called her?

Dahlialover Tue 19-Mar-13 16:33:04

Did this with my mother.

No regrets.

It had to be said.

MsAkimbo Tue 19-Mar-13 16:37:27

I do this often with my mother. I don't like it but it has to be done sometimes.

FeelAwfulNow Tue 19-Mar-13 16:42:09

Thanks all. Just done the school run and some shopping and have finally stopped shaking! It was not really shouting on my part, just trying to make myself heard over her as she did not want me to get a word in towards the end. That woman used to terrify me, not anymore. I feel more grown up now - totally weird!

itshothere Tue 19-Mar-13 17:02:56

Yanbu. It's a good feeling when you've let it all out. I've had to do it a couple of times in the past. After the initial euphoria I felt, I must admit I then started to feel terribly guilty. I can't explain why because all that was said shouted was true and not imagined (which I was accused of).
Anyway good luck and stay strong, hopefully some of what you said will go towards making for a better relationship.

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