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To be waiting for the perfect proposal

(110 Posts)
Oopsiedaisie Tue 19-Mar-13 11:29:00

Nearly three years ago when I found out I was pregnant it was a surprise but both DP and I were very happy about it. I did say that I wished we were married already though. A year later DP proposed but not in a remotely romantic way (didn't get down on one knee, in a busy public place and hadn't even planned a meal or anything afterwards). I couldn't hide my disappointment and so we had a big emotional discussion and he agreed he would do it again more romantically. Almost two years later and I'm still waiting. (Admittedly in that time we've had another child and moved countries twice). Every so often I bring it up and he says he wants to do it but hasn't had time/ doesn't know what to do/ was hurt after last time etc... Last time we spoke about it he essentially admitted it was his laziness that meant it hadn't happened so far. I am growing increasingly resentful that he can find time for rugby/football/wasting time on a million other things but can't find time to be romantic JUST ONCE. But! Am I being unreasonable and a princess? should I just cut my losses, go down to the registry office and get it over with? 

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 19-Mar-13 12:41:32

You are being daft.

He proposed when the moment took him, what could be more romantic than that?

InkleWinkle Tue 19-Mar-13 12:44:21

I can see that if you're a romantic, even princessy, kind of person then you might have liked that kind of proposal.

But...I think you have probably ruined it now, even if he asked again it wouldn't be right because it wouldn't be the real one. And when people ask in the future and you tell them about the 2nd time you'll still have the 1st one in your head IYSWIM.

And...what if the next time doesn't meet your requirements either - will ou make him do it again??

EldritchCleavage Tue 19-Mar-13 12:47:00

It all seems a bit Hollywood romcom, really (not in a good way). He proposed, and you spoiled the moment in what sounds like rather an unkind and immature response (sorry, but it does).

Apologise to him, I think. Tell him you were wrong to ask him to propose again, you'll take him as he is. And see what happens.

maddening Tue 19-Mar-13 12:49:29

I proposed in a v romantic way (well I think it was romantic smile) - if it means a lot to you then do it yourself smile

maddening Tue 19-Mar-13 12:50:08

Eldritch - it reminds me of chandler and monica in friends smile

CAF275 Tue 19-Mar-13 12:50:44

YABU - and totally ridiculous. My DH proposed in the car park of a ruined castle on the way home from a weekend away. Nowt romantic about it but 15 years and 2 kids later does it really matter? Does it hell! Didn't even matter at the time. I'd rather have a spontaneous, heartfelt and genuine proposal any day than some cringe-worthy public declaration. I would have DIED of embarassment if he'd done anything remotely public! Give the poor man a break.

Madamecastafiore Tue 19-Mar-13 12:54:28

FFS I find things like this ridiculously shallow.

He loves you, wants to spend the rest of his life with you, asked you and you are worried about the details????

Quenelle Tue 19-Mar-13 12:55:04

The first proposal was romantic, in its spontaneity. He's probably too self-conscious to try it again.

I think it would be most romantic if you were to propose now, out of the blue, somewhere really unexpected - like a public place on a wet Wednesday in March...

You can still do the hearts and flowers bit afterwards to celebrate your engagement. The proposal itself is more romantic for not being too 'managed' IMO.

specialsubject Tue 19-Mar-13 12:55:34

I agree. You kicked him in the teeth last time, why should he try again?

yes, you are being a spoilt princess. Grow up. You are bloody lucky he is still with you - clearly he loves you very much.

Purplemonster Tue 19-Mar-13 12:57:42

My OH proposed to me by thrusting an envelope into my hands that contained an engagement card with a ring selotaped to the back. Ok so it wasn't quite what I'd envisaged but I didn't make him 'do it again properly this time' it's just not something you can re-do!

chubbychipmonk Tue 19-Mar-13 12:59:12

I understand your need & want for a big romantic gesture, especially when you hear about other people's proposals. My DH proposed on Xmas morning & I remember afterwards thinking, 'why did he not gave champagne chilling in fridge, or flowers or background music etc etc

However. . We planned a lovely wedding day & he pulled out loads of romantic gestures on the day, no longer give the proposals second chance.

Why just go to a registry office & 'get it over with' ? You can still have a lovely romantic wedding, honeymoon & happy ever after? Stop focusing on proposal & move your energy into wedding planning. . It's far more exciting!!

Absy Tue 19-Mar-13 12:59:56

YABU - on the one hand, I can see how you'd want romance, a fabulous story etc., but after 2 children and a couple of countries together, I would say you're quite devoted and there are other ways to be romantic/thoughtful.

and honestly, a fancy pants proposal means shag all. A friend planned a very romantic proposal: wonderful ring, hired a three piece orchestra to play in the background, surprised his fiancée in a romantic setting with a beautiful view and then ... 10 days before the wedding she freaked out and cancelled. She was saying yes to the idea of a big fancy wedding and a romantic proposal, but clearly hadn't thought that it would lead to a serious commitment.

sherbetpips Tue 19-Mar-13 13:00:50

If this is the man you want to marry then I would imagine there are many other things about him that you love and make you want to share your life with him. As many posters on here have said. How about you take some time to remind him of why you want so much to marry him, how lovely he makes your life, etc. then ask him. Its still a romantic proposal doesnt really matter who it came from x

MorrisZapp Tue 19-Mar-13 13:01:06

I find the whole concept of 'proposal' utterly daft and pointless. To have to do it twice due to romance failure on the first attempt is so far beyond daft and pointless it's frankly bizarre.

Get married, or don't get married. You're an adult. Do what you want.

wigglesrock Tue 19-Mar-13 13:07:03

Hmmm you're being a bit princessy tbh. He has proposed, just not in A romantic enough way. Surely the fact that he wanted to marry you is romantic enough. When my husband proposed he got down on one knee and remembering the mangy old carpets in our first house that was romantic enough grin Although I didn't realise what he was doing and I told him to stop dicking about and put the tv on blush In my defence I was very young.

HolidayArmadillo Tue 19-Mar-13 13:08:11

My DH proposed to me after I came home from the pub wearing his ratty old dressing gown. I'd gone out and had a few sherbets after spectacularly burning a tea of chicken kievs and chips and he said he was sat at home picking through the ruins of tea and he realised I wasn't safe to be left alone and he had to marry me grin. Once he had decided to do it he just had to ask as soon as he saw me even though in his head he had planned to do it while we were on holiday a couple of weeks later.

I wouldn't have dreamed of saying him getting done on one knee in our living room slightly exposing himself as is dressing gown fell open wasn't good enough. He would never have asked me again that's for sure.

bedmonster Tue 19-Mar-13 13:11:26

YABU and a fiancee-zilla.

EldritchCleavage Tue 19-Mar-13 13:14:10

maddening, I loathe Friends, so I wouldn't know!
Oh God, I'll probably be hounded off the forum for that confession!

EuroShaggleton Tue 19-Mar-13 13:17:54

I think you have been rather silly. The man you want to marry proposed to you and you turned him down!

My own proposal was somewhat underwhelming (I had a banging headache and we were about to go out to a nice restaurant to celebrate my birthday; he popped the question as I was halfway through doing my make up (one eye in) so I was all lopsided). We joke about it. I said yes because I wanted to marry him. And I'm very glad that I did. He's lovely. <soppy>

chocolatesolveseverything Tue 19-Mar-13 13:21:52

OP, if it's hugely important to you to have big romantic gestures in a relationship, you probably have the wrong man. But given that you've been this long together, and been through so many stresses and wonderful moments as a couple, maybe romance isn't quite as important to you as you think it is?

FWIW, I too spent years dreaming of the perfect proposal. But in the end me and DH got engaged by accident after some late-night coupley banter went in an unexpected direction. He was watching TV and I was checking my emails at the time!

And you know what - looking back I wouldn't change that moment for the world. It was us at our most relaxed, most authentic of moments. There was no romance or drama, just two people completely comfortable together and wanting to stay like that for the rest of our lives.

StuntGirl Tue 19-Mar-13 13:22:28

YABU. You were quite cruel to your partner the way you handled it, and its no wonder he's never done it again. He knows whatever he does won't live up to the fantasy in your head.

Propose to him, and tell him you love him to bits and you were daft for thinking the proposal meant more than the marriage, his was perfect the way it was, and give him a big kiss. If you're lucky he'll say yes.

DeepRedBetty Tue 19-Mar-13 13:22:28

Just because Darcy proposed to Elizabeth twice doesn't mean you should turn the first attempt down on principle grin.

2rebecca Tue 19-Mar-13 13:23:00

Agree with others that a proposal shouldn't be seen as an event in itself. It should be a discussion between 2 equal adults about whether or not they wish to get married. The wedding is the romantic event, not the proposal, although I think even weddings are just a hurdle to jump through to get the social, legal and financial advantage of being married.
The "being married" is the real thing at stake here. You're getting hung up on trivia.
My husband and I just discussed getting married, no fancy meal or romantic fuss just a discussion of the pros and cons and practicalities.
If you'll only marry him if he makes a fuss about proposing then you can't be that bothered. If he is the main wage earner he benefits from the current unmarried situation.
I'd have sorted out getting married quickly before having a child with a man once I knew I was pregnant if I intended to live with him for the foreseeable future.

Badvoc Tue 19-Mar-13 13:27:31


Badvoc Tue 19-Mar-13 13:28:50

Oh, and dh proposed to me by a lake.
Sounds great, right?
Except it was pissing it down, he had forgotten the ring, I was wearing a very nasty cagoule that made me look like nora batty and was being harassed by a swan!
Didn't matter one bit.

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