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For not wanting my parents to take DS on holiday?

(105 Posts)
Somermummy1 Sun 17-Mar-13 22:41:16

I know this sounds ungrateful but parents want to take 5 yo DS on holiday with them

If he goes this will be his first holiday abroad, first time on a plane etc etc

AIBU to want to be there when he does those things rather than just hear about it later?

We can't afford summer hols abroad this year which DM keeps reminding me but would you let your parents take your DC on their first foreign holiday ?????

littlemonkeychops Mon 18-Mar-13 17:50:00


5 is far too young for a child to go abroad without either of their pardnts IMO. And your DM reminding you that you can't afford a hol is just mean, they can afford to take DC surely they could take you too? Seems a big tight to me.

I don't get this sense of entitlement from GPs, of course they can ask but you are perfectly entitled to say no if you're uncomfortable with it, and you are not saying no out of spite you have what seem fair reasons to me to say no.

KatieScarlett2833 Mon 18-Mar-13 17:02:50

I did it. TBH it's not something I even think about now, 12 years later. I think denying them of a nice time together might still be rolling around now, though wink

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 18-Mar-13 16:58:59

I have skimmed the thread but I'm not sure if you have stated how much involvement your DGPs have in your DS's care currently.A week is a long time for a 5 yr old.

It's the age thing that would bother me. My parents are 75 and 79 and too frail to travel by themselves never mind taking DS away with them.

It sounds like your DF really wants to show him Italy before they are too old to travel Could you suggest that they tag along on your holiday next year?

Somermummy1 Mon 18-Mar-13 16:53:49


What a can of worms I've opened!

Didn't intentionally 'change my story' my OP was about missing 'the firsts' but when I was asked questions I explained the background

Partly what my OP meant was that he's not used to travelling abroad, being in a different country, not being in familiar surroundings etc etc

Of course if it was just about ' the firsts' I'd grin and bear it.

Of course I'd give up being there to see his face if I thought he'd love it without either of his parents AND be safe and happy.

I'm his mum and I want what's best for him not for me.

That'll teach me to post hurriedly late at night without a full explanation of all the background

Now if someone could pass me a fire extinguisher for the flames that would be lovely

ThePlEWhoLovedMe Mon 18-Mar-13 16:47:46

Due to my agoraphobia both of my children have had all their holidays without me. Oldest DC went to the USA for a month with my parents when he was 7. There was no chance I would let him miss out on the opportunity what ever the reasons for me not going were.

bangwhizz Mon 18-Mar-13 16:14:51

The Op has changed her story quite considerably.First she said she didn't want him to go because she wanted to be there for all his 'firsts'. Which is unreasonable and selfish.
But then she threw in about her parents not being able to look after him and him missing her etc.Why didn't she say that to begin with.Is she seeking out reasons to say no because she does not want her PFB experiencing things without her?

EldritchCleavage Mon 18-Mar-13 15:03:12

No, I wouldn't. He's too young, it's too far, for too long.

Mandy21 Mon 18-Mar-13 15:00:08

It depends. The points to consider are whether he regularly spends time with them (weekends or a few days in the holidays, not just overnight), how independent your little boy is, whether you feel your parents can adequately look after him (don't mean to be rude but I would have reservations with an 83yr old being able to keep up with a 5 year old boy) etc.

My parents have had my 3 children in the summer holidays for the last couple of years. I think my youngest was 2 the first time (she went to their house - 100 miles away - with her 2 older siblings (both were 6) for a week). Last year when she was 3, they all went to Devon for 2 weeks. This year (she'll be 4, the other 2 will be 8) they're going abroad for 2 weeks. I was really nervous to start with just because its a long way to get to them if anything happens. But I agree with what others have said - I have 100% confidence in my parents and they're actually going to their own house (my parents live abroad for 6 months of the year) so the children are familiar with the place (we've all been previously), my parents know it well, have friends there, familiar with the driving etc etc. And most importantly I know the children will love it, we'll probably Skype most days, speak on the phone and they'll have the time of their lives.

MamaBear17 Mon 18-Mar-13 14:57:27

I wouldnt let my dd go on holiday without me either. YANBU.

Cockadoodlequack Mon 18-Mar-13 14:47:02

I wouldn't, YANBU.

HazleNutt Mon 18-Mar-13 14:45:24

Your DC, do what feels right for you. But your reasons do sound selfish. You don't want GP to take DC because you want to be there for his first trip. What would the DC want though? As AThing said, will he enjoy himself, be happy and safe? If yes, I would let him go.

TimothyClaypoleLover Mon 18-Mar-13 14:38:53

I wouldn't let a 5 year old go abroad without parents as think 5 is too young. I wouldn't have a problem if the child was 7 or 8. The age of the grandparents would also concern me and their health i.e. would they be able to cope with a child full time for a week or two.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 18-Mar-13 13:49:07

It would be a no from me, I'm afraid. My DS is 6 and sees a lot of my parents (early 70's), plus stays overnight at theirs every few months. I'm a single parent and when he was 5 I was very ill and he stayed with them for 5 days, including 3 where he didn't see me at all as I was contagious. Different circumstances to a holiday I admit, but when he came home he was clingy, tearful and sad. When pressed further he sad he'd missed me too much sad. Of course that's my DS, not yours, so only you can make that call.

I would tell them you'll come with them next year as a family when you've saved enough.

thebody Mon 18-Mar-13 11:44:53

Lots of different opinions on here and none are the right ones.

For me it would be a definite no no at 5 as see that as far too young to be away from mum and dad.

However it really is up to you op, not your parents but you.

TooYappy Mon 18-Mar-13 11:40:22

Mine may be going this year, I do feel slightly narked by it but only because I would like to go too but have to stay home to watch 'the animals' meh...


EricNorthmansFangBanger Mon 18-Mar-13 11:37:23


My parents mentioned looking at taking 5 year old DD1 to Mexico in summer and were hmm that I said a flat out no. I wouldn't let any of mine go abroad without me until they were much older. PIL have just bought a caravan in Wales and they're already on about taking DD1 and possibly 20month old DD2. I want us to go as a family first before DD1 goes on her own with them but it would be a no for DD2 for a while longer as I don't believe they would be able to cope.

ChristmasJubilee Mon 18-Mar-13 10:36:56

I work full time and have done since the ds's were little so I fully accept that other people will be the ones to witness many of the "firsts" and I don't have a problem with that.

Neither my parents or PIL's are living so I imagine that skews my view a bit but I wouldn't let ds3 (6) go abroad without me. Neither he or ds2 (15) have been abroad (ds1 went with the school) and are not likely to go until they go under their own steam. They have not suffered because of it.

Go with your instincts.

DorisIsWaiting Mon 18-Mar-13 10:01:19


I wouldn't want any of my dc's t go abroad without me at that age.

So they won't be.

Sod the oh it'll be a missed opportunity stuff. He's 5 he can have fun anywhere and If you think you'll be able to afford it next year (and share the experience with him even better).

No is a complete sentence, he's your ds not your mum's.

Fakebook Mon 18-Mar-13 09:46:48

I sent my dd abroad when she was 4 for 3 weeks to stay with dsis. I don't have a problem with this because I trust my dsis with my whole heart. If you don't think your parents will cope then don't do it. Personally I think 5 years is a good age as he'll have an amazing memory of his first time abroad with his loving gps.

BlueberryHill Mon 18-Mar-13 09:36:38

I think 83 yo is too old to look after a 5 yo for a week or more, especially just in a hotel room. If he is anything like my 6 yo, who has so much energy DH and I have trouble keeping up. We have to make sure that he gets out each day and runs some steam off, often all day.

My PILs have suggested that they take DS1 away, to their own apartment abroad. I have said no for a number of reasons,
- FIL is nearly 80 and finds the trip itself tiring, let alone looking after a child, MIL would say that she could do it, but she over estimates what they can do and they under estimate how much effort it required. They are exhausted looking after DN for a weekend,
- they have had him over night a lot and he has stayed away from us for 2 nights, but a week is too long at the moment,
- I don't trust their driving, DH is with me on this one, getting stuck on a train crossing with a train coming is not my idea of safe and they are crap at getting car seats fitted correctly.

APipkinOfPepper Mon 18-Mar-13 09:36:26

Personally I wouldn't be happy letting my (almost) 5yo go on holiday without me or DH - but that is because he still sometimes wakes in the night and wants me or DH, and he's not spent a night without one of us being there yet, even with gps. But that is my DS - if your parents regularly have your DC for days out / overnight stays already then that is different. However, as other posters have said, it does depend on how long it is for - I wouldn't want to go from the odd overnight stay straight to two weeks abroad I don't think!

wordfactory Mon 18-Mar-13 09:29:49

None of us have to do anyhting for our DC. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't.

AThingInYourLife Mon 18-Mar-13 09:28:23

"Sommer doesn't have to let her parents take her son abroad for a fortnight. It's not exactly their grand parental right is it?"


Here's a clue: it's not about what is best for the parents or the grandparents, it is what is best for the child that should inform this decision.

Will the child enjoy himself?
Will he be happy away from home for so long?
Will he be safe with his grandparents?

There are good reasons to decide this is not going to work, but "waaaaah, I don't want him to have fun unless I can witness it" is not one if them.

angeltattoo Mon 18-Mar-13 09:26:07

YANBU OP, follow your instincts

at 5 I would have hated it, and not understood where mummy was

INeverSaidThat Mon 18-Mar-13 09:10:16

OP has not said how long the proposed holiday would be. There is a big difference between a long weekend and a two week holiday.

(Correct me if I am wrong grin )

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