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To post on here instead of punching a wall.

(40 Posts)
peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:16:40

Ex has not paid anything towards DD1 for 7 years after he became self employed. The CSA have tried but always return a nil payment due.
He sees her 3 times a year to fit in with his work and that is non negotiable ( on his part not mine)
DD is 13 and has been having a terrible time at school with bullying including cyber. I have been in constant touch with the school and pastoral care team.Three weeks ago she admitted to self h&arming and we hav been to the GP and are waitng for a referral to CAHMS?
She wants to move next term will be Yr9 to a School 20 miles away. TH council do provide transport at a cost of £25 a week or public transport involving two buses would be £18 a week.
I explained that much as I would love to move her, we already live on a very tight budget ( I work full time) and moving to the town of the new school would mean my job was no longer vialble.
So she asked her Dad for help, opened up about everything and his answer was " Tell your Mother that if she wants money to think of a better excuse!"
She now wants nothing to do with him and I am one glass of wine away from ringing him or his wife to ask how they would feel if in ten years time their Daughter needed something.
Sorry far too long just needed to have a huge vent.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:18:20

Apologies for spelling errors, typing in a fury.

WorraLiberty Sun 17-Mar-13 21:21:52

What an utter bastard! shock angry

I think the only 'silver lining' here is that he's at least been honest from the start (and a wanker obviously) but it would be much worse if he'd agreed to help out and then didn't. That would put you in a worse position because your DD would already have moved schools.

I'm sure you know you can't rely on this twat so it's best to stop trying to.

Is there no other way of pulling your belt in and raising the money? sad

Hassled Sun 17-Mar-13 21:25:39

Fucking hell. Your poor DD, and poor you left picking up the pieces. What an absolute wanker.

Are there any other closer schools? Or does she need that geographic distance?

Hassled Sun 17-Mar-13 21:28:13

Actually - rather than calling, can you send the wife (not him) copies of all the documentation you have? Reports, the actual cyber-bullying (if you have screenshots)? With a letter asking her how she'd feel if it were her DD? You don't have anything to lose - I'd just bloody do it.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:29:14

We are living on the absolute minimum as it is. I could maybe pull in another £20 a month but that is it. Have started to look into an ironing service but as I don't drive and most clients want it delivered have not got too far. I am working full time and also have to cleaning jobs. I re use all left overs in soups/ stews and we hardly have the heating on. I work in a minimum wage job and thank God get Tax Credits. Am looking at moving to a two bed with the new bedroom tax.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 17-Mar-13 21:29:18

What a oxygen theif.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 17-Mar-13 21:29:32

Him not you

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:29:47

* two cleaning jobs

Ullena Sun 17-Mar-13 21:32:39

Could you get a lodger?

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:32:46

HASSLED we have screen shots calling her an ugly cunt and telling her to kill herself. Their DD is not even two yet so she may find it hard to understand but if she is happy with someone who doesn't pay for their child would it make a difference?

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:35:11

Ullena in Social housing thankfully after a very long wait but not past the magic two year slot where you can let out a room. My Mum is thinking about selling up and moving into our box room and I would share with dd2.

Ullena Sun 17-Mar-13 21:38:44

Or especially given the bullying, would she qualify for a free bus pass? I used to have one to get to and from school, and I think I travelled roughly that distance. Was about twenty years ago now though.

Ullena Sun 17-Mar-13 21:41:07

Ah, what size is the boxroom? As apparently it must be 70 square feet or more to count as an extra room with regards to the bedroom tax.

But, if your mum moved in, could she help out with the travel costs perhaps?

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:42:01

The Schools are in different Counties so the bus pass is not possible but I have a very close friend who is a councillor so will ask him if there are any special circumstances that would qualify for a cross county pass, Thanks.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:44:19

That is why Mum wants to move in, fewer fuel bills and less council tax. My Mum worked 3 jobs to afford her own very small house and I don't see why she should sell it to fund an arsehole. She will if needed though.

sleeton Sun 17-Mar-13 21:47:26

peppapigmustdie, I am so sorry to hear about your DD1. It can be so hard for young people to cope.
I can't make any practical suggestions to get her father to step up to the mark, he sounds a seriously nasty article, but I do have another idea that was used by someone in my family.
Is it okay to PM you? (If I can work out 'how' to PM ... I'm new here, and still finding my way about).

yaimee Sun 17-Mar-13 21:51:13

Completely agree that you have nothing to lose now so ring/email, send them what evidence you have.
What an utter cunt.
Remember you catch more flies with honey than vinegar though, so try again to approach him reasonably first, if not I'd go in all guns blazing and start ringing his family etc
I know that sounds unhinged but there's no way he should be getting away with almost actively showing sustain for your dd who is having a hard enough time as it is.

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:51:44

Of course sleeton

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 21:54:09

yaimee he doesn't speak to any of his family because they have told him in no uncertain terms that him not paying for dd whilst living the life he does
is disgusting.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 17-Mar-13 21:58:12

My ex is like this. Ds is disabled and needs orthotic boots. I asked his father (who hasn't paid maintenance for months and now owes us 2K) to help him and he hasn't bothered to reply. Get onto the council and see if there's more that they can do. If not, try a charity, anything! Bus tickets can be cheaper if bought in bulk, although unhelpful as you need the cash upfront. sad

Parents like him should be publicly flogged IMO, there's no excuse for making a child suffer. It's neglect.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 17-Mar-13 21:59:15

Don't bother with his family, they will back him up (even if he is clearly a tosser) sad

peppapigmustdie Sun 17-Mar-13 22:03:55

Lady his family is brilliant and they are my next port of call. I have no idea how he came from such a decent and loving family and still turned out to be such an arse.

Seabright Sun 17-Mar-13 22:08:25

If his family are onside, maybe you, your mum and two family members from his side could each contribute one week per month of bus fares?

Not fair, of course, that he doesn't pay, but i'm just trying to think of ideas that might work.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 17-Mar-13 22:10:25

I thought that. I got every excuse possible. I wasn't grateful for his maintenance, he was under the threat of redundancy (for 4 years), the exchange rate problem, I didn't send him enough pictures, he didn't speak or email ds for 6 months because ds corrected his father's grammar. confused I approached his father's sister who was always reasonable (no joy), then his wife and begged (pointless), then his mother who wouldn't confirm where he lived so I couldn't start court proceedings (thank god for google). In the mean time he's been happy for ds to suffer whilst I run myself into the ground to make ends meet. I also have MS and am off work sick (no surprise there). You need to sort this out yourself and see anything you can get off him as a bonus. sad

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