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I want one more baby, DH doesn't, AIBU to be furious?

(99 Posts)
YouBastard Sun 17-Mar-13 16:38:59

I wouldn't leave him over it, but bloody hell, how unfair. Why does he get the final say? AIBU to be very pissed off?

rhondajean Sun 17-Mar-13 16:40:18

No, but, conversely, why should you get the final say?

MrsHiddleston Sun 17-Mar-13 16:40:37

Would you feel the same if it was the other way around?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Sun 17-Mar-13 16:41:08

YABU to be 'furious' - YANBU to be sad.
Nobody gets the 'final say' - it's a joint decision.

piprabbit Sun 17-Mar-13 16:41:32

I don't want another baby, DW does, AIBU to be furious?
It's so hard - but you do need to talk about this together (maybe over quite a long period of time) until you can find a way of making your peace with your joint decision as a couple.

happyhorse Sun 17-Mar-13 16:42:35

Why should he have to have another child just because you want one? YABU.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 17-Mar-13 16:43:45

Why would you be furious?

Of course the parent that doesn't want the child gets the final say. Otherwise you have an unwanted child being born, whose feelings are more important than yours.

dadofnone Sun 17-Mar-13 16:45:30

Did you not have 'the talk' before you settled down together and discuss how many kids you both wanted and you expectations and values to make sure you were compatible over the long term?

HildaOgden Sun 17-Mar-13 16:45:42

He doesn't get the final say.You could,of course,have a baby on your own (through IVF) or with another man.He is not stopping you having another baby,he is stopping you having one by him.

That sounds snappy/dismissive of your feelings,it really isn't meant to.It's just the blunt truth.You still have other options.

If,on the other hand,you win the 'argument',then he is forced to have a baby that he categorically does not want.How is that fair?

I know it's bloody horrible not to agree on such an important issue,but on this one you have to respect his wishes.For both his sake,and any child that would result.

If your wish to have another baby is unquenchable,then you will have to accept that it won't be with him.

Groovee Sun 17-Mar-13 16:46:53

YABU it takes 2 to make a baby, both parties have to be in agreement.

zwischenzug Sun 17-Mar-13 16:47:12

Yes you are. No child should be conceived unless both parents want them, otherwise it is unfair to the child. Yes you can be upset, but that's just life.

YouBastard Sun 17-Mar-13 16:47:31

He does get the final say, and this grates. I understand what you are all saying, and I know that to a certain extent, IABU. It's just such a non-discussion though. He just closes the conversation down.

Bobyan Sun 17-Mar-13 16:47:57

I want
Children aren't possessions, you sound incredibly demanding about what you want.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 17-Mar-13 16:48:13

He gets the 'final say' because it is really unfair and wrong to bring a child into the world that you don't want.

He has as much right to not want a child as you do to want one.

It's one of those awful things where there's no way to compromise. But when both parties can't agree - it really is better to not have a child. Imagine being that child that one parent didn't want to have?

I think really all you can do it talk about how much this means to you, discuss how it could work, see what his objections are, see if there's any way to solve them.

But in the end, you may have to decide just how much you want another child, and if he doesn't want one, think about what your options are.

idshagphilspencer Sun 17-Mar-13 16:49:00

Nice choice of name OP hmm

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 17-Mar-13 16:49:11

xpost. Now THAT'S really unfair. He really owes you a serious conversation about it. You have the right to understand why he feels the way he feels.

slatternlymother Sun 17-Mar-13 16:49:17

Did you talk about how many you wanted before you had children?

What did he say then?

AThingInYourLife Sun 17-Mar-13 16:49:31

I would not be happy if my husband wouldn't talk to me about something so important.

YouBastard Sun 17-Mar-13 16:50:24

Actually dadofone, I was adamant I didn't want any children. He very much did, so I gave in. So it kind of sticks in the old craw that now I want one more, he say's no.

StuntGirl Sun 17-Mar-13 16:52:24

Sorry, YABU. It's a joint decision but ultinately the one who doesn't want the baby should get the final say, to save bringing an unwanted child into the world.

You still have options, you just have to decide if you want your marriage or a baby more.

Did you discuss having more children?

HeySoulSister Sun 17-Mar-13 16:52:37

How many have you got? Can you afford more? What state is your marriage in? How big is house/car?

In other words, what's his reasoning?

YouBastard Sun 17-Mar-13 16:52:54

idshagphilspencer - Remember the thread about Discworld usernames? YouBastard is the name of a camel.

BackforGood Sun 17-Mar-13 16:52:55

Agree with others - "furious" is a strange emotion for this situation.
Sad - yes
Disappointed - yes,

but furious ?

janey68 Sun 17-Mar-13 16:53:52

To put it in simple terms OP, he gets the final say over HIS sperm. Just as you get the final say over YOUR body. Why should your desire to have another child trump his right to not father more children?

YouBastard Sun 17-Mar-13 16:54:52

HeySoulSister - we've got 2. We could probably afford one more. Marriage is strong. House/car is tiny(ish).

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