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to think SIL is being tight & a bit bonkers

(34 Posts)
wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:21:55

We are due to go away over Easter with my in-laws. Maybe IABU (or stupid) for doing that in the first place!

There will be me, dh, ds (4), dd (4 months), SIL, BIL, dn1 (13), dn2(11), MIL and FIL. The deal is that PIL are paying for the accommodation and then between SIL and us, we would arrange and pay for food & drink. We have done this before, arranging a big online shop, though previously split food & accommodation 3 ways (us, SIL and PIL).

SIL reckons that we should pay for dd's food separately from the big shop because that won't be "communal". Dd will be 5 months old and is being mixed fed so her "food" will consist of a few small cartons of formula (plus we will bring a tub of powder as we get through one every 2-3 weeks so will robably have one open to use up), so probably cost around £5. We will be ordering all sorts of other items that are more suitable for her kids than the rest of us, and I will be drinking very little as am bf, I think she is being really tight. Particularly as in the past she has benefited from only paying 1/3 of the accommodation cost, yet taken half the rooms for her family.

I have offered to pay extra for the formula btw, but she said she "doesn't want it to go on the communal shop". I guess I will just have to bring the cartons along, but AIBU to feel a bit confused and think she is being overly tight?

Cassarick Sat 16-Mar-13 11:25:02

This sounds strangely familiar - someone posted exactly this last year.

Yes, she's being tight. Tell her.

CocktailQueen Sat 16-Mar-13 11:26:25

Yes, she is being insane. Tell her you won't pay for her wine, or any snacks for her dc if she's going to be so petty. Is she usually like this? And it's not up to her to decide what goes on the communal shop or to. Why not each do a separate shop for formula, drink, snacks for kids etc., then buy together for communal meals?

doublecakeplease Sat 16-Mar-13 11:27:01

She's being tight and out of order. I would just explain calmly that its swings and roundabout, her kids will be getting things in the deal and that you don't want any silliness over a fiver or so.

FiveGoMadInDorset Sat 16-Mar-13 11:27:01

But she is happy for you to pay for her two children who will eat more than your 4 year old?

fuzzywuzzy Sat 16-Mar-13 11:29:28

Say good idea, you're so glad she won't include her kids treats or her alcohol in the communal shop either. As nobody else benefits from it.

What does your husband think?

wannabedomesticgoddess Sat 16-Mar-13 11:29:32

This is so familiar.

Does SIL have a coke (of the cola variety) problem?

Sugarice Sat 16-Mar-13 11:32:01

She's being an arse!

Her two are going to eat way way more than your two unless they have very small appetites.

Tell her your stuff is going on the list and to take that cork out of her backside.

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:35:22

Thanks, I am glad it is not just me who thinks she is being odd. Yes I have seen previous threads about communal family holidays & rows over the bills but not posted. I think this may be the last one we do as neither me nor dh is looking forward to it, though day is beside himself with excitement as we live a long way from family & he loves spending time with them.
I think I will just pack the Damon cartons and relish in the glow of being the bigger person...

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:36:08

Day? Should say ds

fryingpantoface Sat 16-Mar-13 11:37:03

I'd just say that you each bought for your own snackwise and treats. You'd only share the costs of the main food

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 11:37:24

Say that you'll but DD's food separately but that the rest of the food bills should be split 4 (her+DH+2DC) : 3(you + DH + 1DC) : 2 (PILs)

TidyDancer Sat 16-Mar-13 11:37:30

Gosh how ridiculous. She's setting herself up for laying out more money here, since her lot will cost more to feed. I would agree with her but ,are it clear you are not paying for alcohol or her DCs food.

Thumbwitch Sat 16-Mar-13 11:37:56

Yeah, she's odd. And mean.

cozietoesie Sat 16-Mar-13 11:38:13

Yes she's being tight and yes she's a bit bonkers but Easter isn't far away and for the sake of the PIL and general harmony in the group I'd probably play along with it rather than have bitching day to day and meal to meal on the holiday.

Then I'd deal with SIL and her 'little problems' later.

ENormaSnob Sat 16-Mar-13 11:39:41

I think you should say that you'll buy your dc and she buys hers.

Or is she expecting you to sub her two elder children?

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:39:43

her 2 children will eat more than your ds not necessarily, he has a pretty good appetite and likes to make the most of the available fruit shoots, cheese strings and other things that I never normally buy

Pancakeflipper Sat 16-Mar-13 11:42:34

Your SIL has really been thinking about this... Would never have occurred to me to think that way.

In fact most people would say you get a reduction as you have 1 child in your immediate family who won't be munching on the food 3 or 5 times a day.

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:42:56

No coke problem, in fact she's gone on a super healthy kick in the last couple of years -- which doesn't extend to her kids' jam sandwiches for lunch every day habit --

oldraver Sat 16-Mar-13 12:09:23

Yes she is being a tight arse... if she wants to exclude food for one of your children then tell her she will have to buy food for one of her DC's seperatly. She is super bonkers

Iamsparklyknickers Sat 16-Mar-13 12:35:46

Tight and bonkers definitely.

Are you up for the challenge of playing her at her own game? Portion up all the cereal and bread into seperate named bags when you get there and then just smile serenely at her. Bonus points if you use scales. She will then do something even more wacky, to which your answer is that you mark up the wine bottles and milk with portions per person and insist everyone initials what they've took.

At this point she will self combust. Problem solved.

Or you could be the bigger person and just snigger at her behind her game is much more amusing.

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Mar-13 12:38:09

As a baby has specialist foods, I wouldn't expect that to be in a communal shop - but everything that everyone else eats would be. In the same way I wouldn't expect the communal shop to cover nappies and wipes, but I would expect it to cover loo roll and fairy liquid IYSWIM.

Iamsparklyknickers Sat 16-Mar-13 12:44:06

Holly I would take the view that an 11 & 13 year old are going to be eating adult sized portions pretty much and the OP isn't drinking alcohol so it all evens out (actually a bit skewed in the SiL's favour).

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 12:44:30

Tight and odd

I like sparklyknickers game smile

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Mar-13 12:46:12

Ah these things get complicated really. People are very funny over money and have some very peculiar ideas.

On the other hand, I wouldn't expect my alcohol to come out of the communal budget either.

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