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AIBU to not want to meet up with my old friend because he's too fabulous??!

(13 Posts)
williaminajetfighter Sat 16-Mar-13 10:35:40

Would appreciate some honest advice about a situation with a friend.

We met at University, really clicked, had a fab time together and were great friends for about 6 years. Then had an argument and drifted apart. At the time I also found he was becoming increasingly self-centered and it really started to grate on me.

That was seven years ago. We recently got back in touch and are planning to meet up but I'm worried it may not be a good thing. Over those seven years his career has really exploded and he's writing books, doing speaking engagements and generally living a bon vivant life! It's no surprise - he's talented but also very social and, dare I say, good at self-promotion. The latter bit hasn't changed and every day is a new announcement on his FB page about something fabulous he is doing or going to.

I'm not unhappy with my career but it's been much more low key and much of the last seven years has been raising kids. We had so much fun together and part of me would love to see him - he's great fun and very charming, one of the reasons I think he has so many friends and has been so successful.

However I fear if we meet that I'll walk away feeling (a) crap because I've not been traveling around the world over the last 7 years and generally being fabulous and (b) irritated by the endless stories about him. I know that I do carry a bit of jealousy too and I don't want to feel moreso after meeting him.

Should I meet up with him or should i just call it a day recognizing that our friendship was at a particular time in my life that is now over? BTW he's gay so there's no underlying sexual tension or possibility of a relationship.

edam Sat 16-Mar-13 10:42:53

Oh, go and see him, sounds like you'll have fun. Just choose a mantra and practice it beforehand - something like 'My life is fine, I've got X no. of beautiful children...' and whatever else makes you feel good.

I appreciate why you are worried but you'll regret it if you don't see him. Also, he may be having a wonderful life in public, but one of his old muckers is thinking of cancelling because he's done too well - how miserable is that? Talk about the downside of success. Facebook won't be the full picture of his life, people don't tend to post all the shit stuff on there.

And if you do see him and it makes you cross, at least you know you are best off letting the friendship die.

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 16-Mar-13 10:45:22

maybe he feels the same way about you?

whiteflame Sat 16-Mar-13 10:49:42

I vote meet up with him. He might feel the same about you and your family.

As someone who has been dropped by friends for similar reasons, it hurts. As long as he's not rubbing it in your face, it's not something to hold against him.

williaminajetfighter Sat 16-Mar-13 10:59:12

hi everyone - thanks so much for your thoughts. Someone once said that 'you should always go to a party and if you don't like it you can always leave.' I suppose the same goes...

yaimee Sat 16-Mar-13 11:02:57

A night out with him might inject a bit of the fabulousness that you feel you've been missing out on back into your life! Go and have fun!

JackieTheFart Sat 16-Mar-13 11:03:53

I vote go too.

I have a similar situation (without him being gay though), I am embarrassed to meet up as I have no career and have put on a lot of weight. There is and never was any sexual tension between us and we were great friends - I don't really know why I feel like this?

I am going to bite the bullet and meet him though smile

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 12:53:36


He may well be really jealous that you have children and a happy relationship for all you know. Grass it always greener and all that

It sounds like you will have fun even if he does blather on a bit about how marvellous his life is (which I often think means it isn't really, but that's just me)

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 12:57:14

YAB very silly - go meet him!

maddening Sat 16-Mar-13 13:17:04

I always wonder what it would be like to be massively successfully and a you say generally fabulous and at the pinnacle of a fantastic career - but I also feel exhausted at the idea of being constantly fabulous - I would prefer a cosy night in in my slippers to constant parties and jet setting!

He might enjoy being with a friend who wasn't friends because he is fabulous but because he is him.

I think it's normal to worry as you have - it's like a school reunion - not had one yet but dreading it if there ever is one!

Montybojangles Sat 16-Mar-13 13:22:41

I second what cat girl and add maddening say.
Maybe he shouts so loud about his wonderful life because it is actually very unfulfilling and empty, and he is working hard to convince everyone it's not.
You started out as great friends, you should go and see if you can still be that way. You lose nothing by attending. Have fun.

x2boys Sat 16-Mar-13 13:24:35

I have an old friend who i met aout 20 years ago when we were training to be nurses and shared a house with her and others we lost touch a few years after we qualified and i always wanted to get in touch again found her again on face book a couple of years ago and she is increasingly irritating about her fabulous life ,marvellous house in the country, her wonderful Dr husband she had her first child a year ago and of course there is never a day goes by when she does nt post something on fb about his fabulousness and genius tendencies either I find her come across as condescending to us mere mortals with are not so faulous homes and ordinary children so i dont thinki will meet up with her but you may have fun

SirBoobAlot Sat 16-Mar-13 13:25:37

Meet him, have a few drinks, have fun, catch up. If he really gets on your tits, you don't have to meet up again.

I caught up with an old ex recently. Was lovely, so glad we made time for the chat.

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