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To hope some would move on a train for my sleeping baby in pushchair.....

(24 Posts)
Jezzabell Sat 16-Mar-13 09:55:45

I got on a small train the other day with DD asleep in her pushchair, not a massive one just a stroller. I purposely got in the door where I knew the disabled/bike/pram area was. I struggled onto the train -although am pretty well practiced at getting on and off by myself now - and found there were people sat in the fold up seats where I could put the pushchair. They were plugged into music and ignored me so I was forced to stand blocking the aisle and the door. There were plenty of other seats on the train, but may have meant sitting next to someone. I thought I should ask someone to move, but then thought why should I have to ask? The guard came to check my ticket and didn't comment that I was blocking the aisle, or ask anyone to move etc. AIBU to hope someone would offer to move or at least for the train guard to ask them. I'm thinking of writing a letter of complaint to the train company.

Then to top it all off, when I got to my destination and was struggling to get the pram out of the door backwards over the largish gap, people behind me on the train were itching to get out and get on, not a single person offered to help....I went extra slowly.

I'm not a shy person so I think in the future I'm going to speak up loudly, but feel sorry for someone in the same position who'd feel more uncomfortable than me about speaking up.

LibertineLover Sat 16-Mar-13 09:59:08

Well, it would have been nice wouldn't it, but I know from experience, you can't rely on people to be nice smile I got on a busy train, I was 8 months pregnant with a 2 yr old, a buggy and a suitcase, I had to stand for 1 and half hours, so did my poor 2 yr old. It's not against the law to be a selfish twat unfortunately.

Forgetfulmog Sat 16-Mar-13 10:00:05

What's wrong with staying by the exit door? That's where I and my pram stay. Sorry but YABU

emsyj Sat 16-Mar-13 10:00:40

I think it is a shame that nobody helped you on and off the train with your buggy - I have been very lucky that I've had offers of help every time I've used the train with a pram or buggy. But you want people to move from a seat and stand so that you can park your pushchair, when there is space to park it somewhere else?? confused Sorry I think YABU.

EmmelineGoulden Sat 16-Mar-13 10:06:13

YANBU to hope someone would move for you. YABU to think "why should I have to ask?", asking isn't a hardship. It would have been nice if they'd noticed and offered, and it would be selfish of them to turn you down if you'd asked and they did't have good reason.

Jezzabell Sat 16-Mar-13 10:06:40

I have stood by the door before and the guard has asked me to move as I was blocking the exit, so thought that was a h&s rule, but perhaps not. If it's ok to stand there it doesn't bother me that much. I wouldn't expect them to stand as they were on the train first, but there were plenty of other seats. It just annoys me as even before I had a baby I'd always move for a pram and always offer to help people on/off train, steps etc. I suppose many people just don't notice or care.

Jezzabell Sat 16-Mar-13 10:08:40

The worst thing is when people push past you to get on or off, sometimes this is dangerous. I saw a mum with a toddler being pushed out of the way so people could get on and the poor child nearly got pulled out of her hand. The train wasn't even that busy.

eggso Sat 16-Mar-13 10:17:17

Yanbu to expect people to be nice. Yabu writing to the train company though.

Sheshelob Sat 16-Mar-13 10:20:32

YABU to expect to be given a space without asking. If this is London we're talking about, you have to ask. There is no point writing a letter to the train company. They aren't going to have special pram police patrolling because grown women don't think they should ask for help/people to be courteous.

This is a bit like wearing one of those badges when you're pregnant. How come we suddenly expect strangers to magically emerge from their commuter bubbles just because we've procreated? Some people are nice, but many need a nudge.

Yakshemash Sat 16-Mar-13 10:26:33

Sorry OP, it's a YABU from me too. You have to ASK in these situations. And ask nicely. And not get all sulky if people decline to inconvenience themselves for you. And not expect the train guard to do what you're not assertive enough to do on your own behalf.

badguider Sat 16-Mar-13 10:27:35

On a busy train i'd expect people with buggies to want to stand near the door anyway (if not really long distance)... it wouldn't occur to me to ask if they want to move further into the carriage if they are standing in a decent space already.
It would be nice if people were more helpful at getting on and off time, but again sometimes it's not obvious how to help - did you want somebody to lift the front of the buggy as you would on stairs? Most mum's with pushchairs look like they know what they're doing and I just tend to give them space to manouver rather than getting involved.

CloudsAndTrees Sat 16-Mar-13 11:57:16


It wouldn't occur to many very nice people that it might be slightly better for them to sit in a different seat and allow the space in front of the fold down seats to be used for a buggy. Pushchairs are always going to take up a lot of space no matter where they are positioned, I can't really see that it makes a huge amount of difference.

rubyslippers Sat 16-Mar-13 12:01:04

if you would have asked, i bet someone would have moved

YABU to write a letter of complaint - there is nothing to complain about

i do agree it would have been nice had someone offered

TantrumsAndBalloons Sat 16-Mar-13 12:06:04

I don't know what a letter of complaint to the train company would do? What do you want them to do, force people to move on the off chance you get on?

If you don't ask, you cannot really complain that people didnt move.maybe they thought you were happy where you were?

MajaBiene Sat 16-Mar-13 12:07:37

I don't think standing by the door matters at all to be honest. It's shit that no one helped you off the train though.

DeskPlanner Sat 16-Mar-13 12:11:24

I agree YABU.

Sunnysummer Sat 16-Mar-13 12:13:48

YABU. Why should people be under an obligation to stand up to make way for a child who is already comfortably asleep where he/she is already? And if you really needed help, especially in a situation that wouldn't always be obvious to people without kids, why didn't you ask for help before confirming all their worst prejudices about mums with pushchairs being annoying/space hogs by passive-aggressively taking ages to get off the train?

Like other posters have said, it's totally reasonable to ask for a seat or for help with a pushchair, and I usually find that if you do, someone will happily step forward - people are often just in a commuter bubble, and/or don't want to interfere, it doesn't make them mean.

BackforGood Sat 16-Mar-13 12:21:47

YABU to write to the train company - what exactly are you complaining about ? confused.
If you wanted a seat, and there were the fold up seats on that train that a buggy can go in to, and there were other seats available, then I don't understand why you didn't just ask if anyone would mind moving. confused
You can't expect people to read your mind.

Helltotheno Sat 16-Mar-13 12:23:03

Not seeing the issue here tbh confused. Were you worried about standing by the door with the buggy from a safety point of view?

Viviennemary Sat 16-Mar-13 12:29:24

I totally hate pushchairs on crowded trains. They are a menace. Sorry if this sounds selfish but it's my opinion.

BrianButterfield Sat 16-Mar-13 12:30:09

People are twats on trains. I commute by train every day with a pushchair (albeit a fairly empty train) and the same people push past me daily - ffs there are loads of seats and the train waits at our station for a couple of minutes so you can spare the extra two seconds it takes me to get on.

I can get on and off perfectly well on my own, so it's amusing rather than annoying to notice that the only people who EVER offer to help with my buggy are a) women getting off with pushchairs, b) teenage boys or c) the roughest-looking men you can imagine. Shame on all the 'nice' middle-class commuters as they never help me or even make conversation, but the guys with missing teeth and loads of tattoos will run up the platform to give me a hand and will always talk nicely to DS too, especially if he's being whingey ("What's up, mate?")

DoJo Sat 16-Mar-13 16:18:04

YABU if you didn't want to ask, people probably assumed that you were only going one stop or similar and didn't need the space or didn't need a hand. People aren't going to offer a seat unless you seem to need it, and standing there and not asking for someone to move or help with your buggy doesn't really convey that. It might be nice if people ask, but whilst plenty of people are happy to help, they probably aren't staring around them seeking out an opportunity to help as they travel home from work.

NotTreadingGrapes Sat 16-Mar-13 16:21:25

Why should you get to sit down? The baby was fine, in the pushchair, no?

I can understand you thinking you deserved a seat, sort of, if you were holding a sleeping baby, but I don't get why a (presumably fit) mother should get a seat in preference to other people who got on the train first.

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 16-Mar-13 16:22:29

YABU. Why on earth didn't you ask? How would those people know you wanted to sit down? If I'd seen you, I would have assumed you were standing with the pushchair because you wanted to, I'm afraid - and this is because I am an ignorant childless woman who only knows what she's seen people with children do. My SIL usually prefers to stand with the pushchair because DN likes to be rocked back and forwards if she's sleepy - so that's what I'd assume you were doing.

If you'd bothered to ask, I'd have given you my seat, but you can't expect people to be mind-readers.

I try to offer help with a pushchair if I see someone with one, but you've got to realize there are a lot of people in the world who don't have kids and aren't versed in your personal preferences. Sometimes they will not be super-sensitive to exactly what you wanted them to do. This doesn't mean they're bad-mannered or lazy, just that they don't know what to do.

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