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AIBU to think that if a midday assistant at school feels it necessary to shout at my 6 yr old, I should have been informed?

(252 Posts)
laluna Fri 15-Mar-13 15:54:38

DS came out of class crying saying he had been yelled at by the MDA and he didn't understand why.

He explained to me that there had been a bit if a falling out in his group of friends and she shouted at them.

If my child does something wrong, I am not precious about him and the situation should be death with accordingly by the person in charge. No issue with that. But AIBU to think that yelling is not really appropriate and if the situation is really that bad, I should be involved?? Am a bit cross and have asked the school to clarify the position.

LaQueen Sun 17-Mar-13 16:20:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueen Sun 17-Mar-13 16:31:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FryOneFatManic Sun 17-Mar-13 21:46:09

LaQueen, keeping the boss's diary isn't a menial task, it's part of all the organising and stuff. I may not be a grauduate, but I have certainly kept a boss's diary in the past..., along with the filing, coffee making, managing junior staff, finance and data input, etc grin

Wonder whether your graduate still thinks she's better than diary keeping and filing...

exoticfruits Sun 17-Mar-13 22:27:13

The graduate will no doubt find that she is doing most other graduates are doing- working in department stores and coffee shops.

OnwardBound Sun 17-Mar-13 23:54:33

I am a little surprised that so many here are falling about laughing and smugly declaring the marvellous resilience of their own offspring hmm

Is it not possible that maybe, just maybe, OPs child was unfairly treated and spoken to harshly in a way which wasn't warranted?

I remember a thread not too long ago where posters were describing their unhappy experiences at the hands of their own teachers in childhood. Unfortunately not all teachers act professionally or reasonably or compassionately, at all times. It then actually isn't fair or right to always uncritically believe the adult who holds the authority over your child due to fear of being labelled "that parent" in the staffroom.

OP you know your child best. If you feel this is out of character for your son or you wonder if his version of events might actually be correct you do indeed owe it to him to speak to the school on his behalf, if only to seek clarification.
You don't have to go in all guns blazing, but rather have a calm and rational discussion with your son's teacher.

I think this sort of approach might be more beneficial to your son's wellbeing in the long term [even if you discover his version of events was a fabrication] rather than an automatic dismissal and belittling.

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 07:55:42

That is life Outwardbound - far worse will happen than getting shouted at by a lunchtime assistant. The parent should help the child deal with it and get over it. It was nothing important otherwise the teacher and/or Head would have been involved and OP informed.
Children need to deal with unpleasant people. As a member of the public I could shout at OP's DC and I could be totally unfair. There is nothing that OP could do if I haven't touched the child- other than have a slanging match with me. From the DCs point of view she would be better to walk away and just explain that there are some mad people in the world and to ignore!

TantrumsAndBalloons Mon 18-Mar-13 08:05:06

If the school phoned me to tell me that a MDA had shouted at my child I would wonder why the actual fuck they were phoning me for?

But I am, according to some, a horrible parent. Because when my DCs get into trouble at school, and get punished, I do not go flying to the school demanding to know why precious mini tantrums was told off.
Because, after hearing the story, I generally find that they were misbehaving. And we dealt with.

They do not bother to cry every time they are told off as it has no effect on me, if you are told off for talking, or get detention for not having homework/PE kit, clearly you deserve it.
And if you don't want it to happen again, don't do it again.

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 08:08:39

I think you would start an AIBU Tantrums with 'the school phoned me because DC was shouted at in the playground- what the xxxx am I supposed to do!'

LaQueen Mon 18-Mar-13 08:57:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory Mon 18-Mar-13 09:05:50

Surely there is a difference between thinking that ongoing problems between a teacher and a pupil need to be resolved and thinking that every single incident of a child being told off should be reported back to the parent?

What kind of administrative staff would a school need to employ to put this in practice?

And how much good would it do a child to have every single incident treated as of major importance? Wouldn't that be reinforcing the idea that being told off is a terrible, terrible thing?

TantrumsAndBalloons Mon 18-Mar-13 09:05:59

exotic I would do exactly that grin

I have 3 DCs, if the schools phoned me every time one of them were shouted at, they would never be off the phone.

I don't need to know, tbh.

Feminine Mon 18-Mar-13 09:23:23

What a weird boasting thread this turned out to be!


TheOriginalSteamingNit Mon 18-Mar-13 09:28:34

Yes, it's odd, isn't it!

I wonder what will happen with the OP, anyway. If I were her, and I really felt I needed to know, I'd be very much making sure I phrased this as 'it sounds as though there was an incident on Friday where DS was behaving badly, and I'm not quite sure what he was doing, but is there anything I should be aware of so that I can discuss this with him?'. As opposed to 'MDA SHOUTED AT MY CHILD WHY WASN'T I TOLD'.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Mon 18-Mar-13 09:38:36

Dh currently has a recent graduate working for him. He will not be kept on after probationary period because of his aversion to actual work. I think he was under the impression that you graduate and walk into a job with managerial salery. This will be another in a long line of "Sorry,I don't think you are suited to this area of work".

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 10:03:15

I wonder if these graduates live in the real world! They don't seem to understand that they are incredibly lucky to be starting on the career path while most are washing up in restaurant kitchens or volunteering.

MoYerBoat Mon 18-Mar-13 11:13:38

Don't believe for one moment that LaQ's DH has the parents of his employees ringing to complain if he won't give them time off for a festival hmm I know you like to spin a good yarn, LaQ, but you do get carried away sometimes with your own whimsy smile And why can't he get his own coffee - my DH is a company director too and wouldn't dream of demanding someone do that for him!

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 11:24:53

I believe her entirely-you only have to read MN for examples-you can find them every day. You have to be prepared to start at the bottom-people at the bottom make coffee without making it an issue.
I get very upset watching DS go off to interviews looking all smart, all clued up having done his homework, come back enthusiastic that it all went well (or cast down if it didn't) and then wait and wait for a result, to just get an email saying he didn't get it. As his mother I would love to phone them up and tell them how brilliant he would be if they gave him a chance-BUT -I know that I can't possibly!!! He has to do it all on his own. Just as well he started aged 6yrs by coping with the odd dinner lady shouting at him, without his mother going in to find out whether it was justified!

MoYerBoat Mon 18-Mar-13 11:27:22

Nope - company director can make his/her own coffee.

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 11:34:11

Of course they can-but if you are a graduate in today's job market you would be particularly stupid to tell them so! I really don't think that people realise that you can have a good degree from Oxford and be working as a sales assistant in M&S these days.

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 11:36:31

Lots of graduates are not only making the coffee-they are doing it without any pay because they are so desperate to get a foot in the door-and free internships are one way.

Scholes34 Mon 18-Mar-13 12:19:43

Of course the graduate can get the MD a coffee, no doubt they'll be wanting a drink for themselves at the same time too. Making coffee for each other is what happens in an office environment.

Admin staff need to be particularly good at multi-tasking. I remember taking minutes in my boss's meetings and being sent out to make more coffee whilst the meeting continued. I just had to be resilient enough to ask my boss to fill in the gaps for when I'd gone out to get the coffee. I've also in the past put a major report on fraud in the organisation to bed and then gone to do the washing up.

Didn't mind making the coffee, as I made it best and had first choice on the biscuits to put out.

Anyway, OP, your DS needs to understand that some people are quite shouty - out Akela was - and that sometimes you deserve being shouted at and that sometimes the person in charge has had to make a quick decision and they might not always identify the culprits correctly. If it's the former, accept you were being naughty and avoid behaving like that in future, and if it's the latter, don't hang out with naughty people.

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 13:08:01

Those that get on are the ones prepared to make the effort.I remember going to a talk by someone who had gone very high in his career (he went to university in 1950s) and he got the job because he was prepared to start at the very bottom and work through all departments- and then he had a thorough knowledge of the whole business-the other candidates thought they should start at a higher level. It is much better for all if MDs have had their stint of making the coffee IMO.

Sparklyboots Mon 18-Mar-13 13:13:53

If my child came out of school crying, I'd want to understand why. I would also recognise that he may not have told the whole story or he may be 'overreacting' or whatever. But if a situation came up at school in which he was overwhelmed for whatever reason, I'd want to know what it was so that he and I could work out ways for him to handle future similar situations for himself. Obviously, OP's DS felt overwhelmed and that warrants investigation so she and he can work out together how he will respond in future situations, or learn to recognise whether or not he should take so personally the 'shouting,' or work out strategies for resilience if he is being unfairly treated, or see where he went wrong if it was all justified. None of that is about mollycoddling him but preparing him well for the future. I think it's always important to treat a DC's perspective seriously while acknowledging that he's got the wrong end of the stick - in this case, he may have misinterpreted what being shouted at implies (usually it is that the other person is very cross, rather than they hate you or you are irremediably awful). I think it would be proper to help him understand that rather than simply brush his upset off as childish, unwarranted, attention-seeking or stupid.

LaQueen Mon 18-Mar-13 13:17:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueen Mon 18-Mar-13 13:23:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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