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to think that children should buy presents out of their own money?

(217 Posts)
Dromedary Thu 14-Mar-13 01:10:10

My DCs are 10 and 8. They receive very little pocket money, and small amounts of cash at birthdays and Christmas if they're lucky. If it is a family birthday, or Christmas, I expect them to use some of their own money to buy presents, and to really give some thought to the gift. If they had no money (but they should really hold enough back), they could make something. They sometimes also buy little presents for friends' birthdays, eg a packet of sweets. This makes the giving and the receiving really mean something. I have been really put off by seeing my, much older, nieces give no presents, or give presents which they have at best chosen at speed, with their mum doing the buying. They simply prefer to keep their money for themselves, and their mum goes along with this. At the same time, they don't bother to say thank you if you give them a present. It just feels like take take take.

SneakyNinja Thu 14-Mar-13 21:51:13

Haha MN is full of em today!
'disposable income' for an 8 yr old? >snigger<
"How is your childhood going daughter?" >giggle<
" After ALL I do for them" .....Bahahahahahaha!

Someone please make it stop grin

SoniaGluck Thu 14-Mar-13 22:01:32

For what it's worth, the other day I asked my 8 year old how she was enjoying her childhood so far. Her answer was "Really great!".

Actually, that is a pretty daft question to ask an 8 year old. I mean what sort of answer does the OP expect?

A mother is all in all to a child of that age. No child is going to risk saying the wrong thing. And what has she got to compare it with, in any case?

Sorry, OP, you sound more and more like my mother the more you post. She had very high standards for her children and we never measured up no matter how well we did.

She was wont to ask questions similar to "How are you enjoying your childhood so far?" hmm and we knew the correct answer and gave it. Anything else would have been foolish. I have rarely ever been totally honest about anything with my mother; I know what she wants me to say and I say it.

We aren't close.

TeaMakesItAllPossible Thu 14-Mar-13 22:23:31

Are you my DS's father? I've just spent 20 minutes discussing the same topic with him.

YABU still, DS's DF - He's 10. He's very kind and generous in his actions and spirit. He's a lovely boy and spending his own money on a present does not mean he loves you more. And it doesn't mean he's selfish. As I said earlier I spend about 0.5 % of my income on presents and i'm generous. When his income goes up he will do it naturally. At the moment he has enough money, just about, to buy a couple of treats a month. There is time when he gets a job.


gordyslovesheep Thu 14-Mar-13 22:31:59

goodness - I just couldn;t do that to my kids - sorry - I have one who does save money and buy gifts for me and her mates but I tend to replace the money in her piggy bank or treat her to something

I buy the gifts for parties etc

they have plenty of time as adults to worry about money poor sods!

RatPants Thu 14-Mar-13 22:37:31

They're your children, they don't have an income so you cover their expenses and that's just how it is. If they were 17/18 with jobs you may have a point.

PeppermintPasty Thu 14-Mar-13 22:47:35

Coming back to this, things haven't improved. OP, you claim people upthread agree. I saw two people who were trying very hard to see your angle, and were supportive of some of your views. But the majority on the whole thread think you're unreasonable. (As opposed to the weirdos in a parallel world hmm at the end of the thread).

You're deluded. I'm another one who's reminded of her own mother. Gives me the shivers.

ArbitraryUsername Thu 14-Mar-13 22:48:40

Im loving the image of the OP sitting her 8 year old down to do an annual review of her childhood. Are you going to ask her to submit her personal development plans for the coming year too?

Anomaly Thu 14-Mar-13 22:51:06

YABU it really isn't teaching them much at that age.

I just don't expect children to buy presents, it felt really strange when DH's cousins 16 and 18 with weekend jobs bought our kids presents.

I hate this idea of measuring how people feel about you by their presents. My Mum is terrible, she seriously gets upset if someone doesn't successfully read her mind and buy a vase or other gift exactly to her taste. But she then buys me things she likes!

Startail Thu 14-Mar-13 23:07:39

My two are 12 and 15 and I'm only just suggesting presents come out of pocket money and even then only because DD2 has way more friends than DD1 so I tend to cap how many people I'll subsidise.

I stickily forbid Mothers day presents (DH ignored me and I got flowers and chocolates). I'm trying to aconomise and if the DDs buy presents for me thats simplt a book each they'll blag in the future rather than using their own money.

They are experts at avoiding using their own money DD2 has grade A in purse forgetting. DD1 has grade A in being generous and still me ending up paying her back somehow.

Startail Thu 14-Mar-13 23:09:09

aconomise- pooh sticks that s such a beautiful bad spelling I;m not going to say sorry.

LadyPessaryPam Thu 14-Mar-13 23:32:32

Yes you really don't know how much they really enjoyed it till they leave, don't need you any more, and can tell the truth OP.

shewhowines Thu 14-Mar-13 23:52:51

I think the OP is having an unfair bashing.

The children volunteer to buy extra things for their friends. They obviously enjoy giving presents that they have carefully chosen and paid for out of their own money. The Op said she buys their friends proper presents. She has encouraged them to think of others. They are not being marched down the shops with their arms tied behind their backs and a shotgun to their heads.

Give her a break. I'm surprised any of you ask your kids to do any chores or anything to help others. After all they are only kids and should be able to enjoy their childhood without doing anything nice to help others even if they get obvious enjoyment from it. Shame on you for ruining their childhood.


Yfronts Fri 15-Mar-13 00:11:22

I buy all the gifts on a budget and with lots of thought and planning as we are skint. I mostly bulk buy them and have various things for various interests/age groups.

We also send thank-yous but only ever by email or text.

My kids have little interest in money and don't get pocket money but they quite enjoy being given 10 pounds and let loose to buy Xmas gifts for their siblings. They also make gifts when inspired.

My friends kids are very money aware and know about saving/spending and have great financial sense already. I think it's a great skill but at times they do seem slightly obsessed by their piggy banks!

Dawndonna Fri 15-Mar-13 07:33:04

Giving is nice. Making them keep back some of their Christmas and Birthday money to give to others is tight.

Sirzy Fri 15-Mar-13 08:26:50

the OP has made it very clear she EXPECTS her young children to go out and buy her presents.

Expecting children to help around the house (to a reasonable level) is fine. Giving children money for those jobs is fine. Expecting them to use that money to buy you a present NOT FINE.

I would be pissed off if I gave a child money for their birthday which they were then expected to keep back to buy presents for other people.

imnotmymum Sat 16-Mar-13 08:41:00

with regards to birthday money my parents slip some in a crad and Grandma outs some in not that uncommon for adults to get money.
However would you OP? Save it?
Anyhow what ever the majority says and you asked the question AIBU and I can safely say yes!

StanleyLambchop Sat 16-Mar-13 11:18:13

Are you Ned Flanders, by any chance? Poor Rod & Todd <shakes head in pity for children>

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