WIBU? Party etiquette.

[100DaysofSummer]

It's ds birthday party soon, he's in reception. There venue I've booked allows up to 35 children. But realistically I think that the venue would be more comfortable with around 20-25 children maximum.

So in a class of 30 there's 12 boys including ds, and of course the rest are girls.

It makes sense to invite all the boys as there's so few. Then there are probably 8 girls who ds really likes and mentions, that would of course mean leaving 10 girls out out of the class which I'm not completely comfortable with and not sure if that's bad form to leave a third of the class out.

Then there are 5 children out of school we want to invite and some of the parents also have babies and siblings who would have to be considered in. So this would bring it up to and possibly over the 35.

I'm fairly sure that not everyone would be able to make it but what to do?

Do I invite everyone including the whole class and pray that 10 don't show up? Leaving 10 girls out seems mean but it would also be mean to leave an even smaller number of boys out.

Help!

[DeskPlanner]

I think leaving a third out is fine. For me I think that's probably the cut off. I wouldn't bank on 10 guests not coming.

[sausagebaconandtomatobutty]

Leaving 1 or 2 out would be mean, leaving 10 out is fine

[FeckOffCup]

I would probably just invite the boys from school and the children from outside school plus siblings, that would keep it around the 20 children mark and be manageable.

[Buzzardbird]

I wouldn't emit 10 girls. I would invite all or none at all. To be fair I would be very surprised if you got more than 2/3 show up/reply anyway.

[mrswoz]

Sounds fine to me, can't see the problem with leaving out ten girls.

We did almost exactly as you've described for DS' 6th birthday last year, all the boys and a few girls. I remember being told by DS that he didn't want to invite any girls at all, "cos they're rubbish" ha ha.

[givemeaclue]

Leave 10 out. Its enough that the uninvited 10 are not being singled out, have a great party

[SarkyPants]

Does he only play with boys?

We had problems at this age with the DC being excluded from parties of good friends because their parents went for all girls or all boys.
It caused lots of upset.

[adeucalione]

As others have said, I think it's fine to leave a third of the class out - it would be mean to leave 2-3 out, but 10 is an acceptable number imo.

But I don't think you can assume that some won't come, so you might be better advised to invite all of the boys and leave out all of the girls. Saying it's 'just boys' won't offend anyone, and make the numbers more manageable for you.

[WorraLiberty]

Leaving 10 out isn't mean at all.

[100DaysofSummer]

Thanks for replies so far, seems to be majority think it's ok not to invite 10.

Ds plays with all the boys, but I think he plays with some of the girls too. I know that there are two girls that he is very fond of (even named his teddy after them) and definitely wants them there. He definitely wants girls there but he's probably less bothered about some children. There are a couple of boys who he's not too fussed about but it would seem mean to leave 2 boys out of 11. Less mean to leave 10 girls out of 19 iyswim?

[SarkyPants]

"Saying it's 'just boys' won't offend anyone"

I couldn't agree more.
Having had to explain to DS1 3 times why his 3 best friends didn't invite his to their parties because they were 'just girls' was heartbreaking.
He went to no parties that year :(

I think that the most important thing is to make sure that all of your DC's actual friends are invited. Then figure out the numbers so that there is no meaness in terms of which of the more peripheral friends get an invite.

[SarkyPants]

your plan sounds fine BTW :)

[100DaysofSummer]

We'll definitely be inviting a mixture or boys and girls. I think ds would be really annoyed if I said no girls at his party.

Although I am hoping that they don't get put off by the Ben 10 invitations. The party is going to be Ben 10 theme but I was going to get some Hello Kitty party bags and plates for the girls. But don't want to presume, just because they are girls they won't like Ben 10, am I overthinking?!

[SarkyPants]

Personally I'd get the same for all guests.

But I'm probably in the minority

TBH has long as there is cake in there they don't really care :)

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

Just stick with Ben 10. I have never differentiated with party bags etc, always done unisex, no reason why girls can't have Ben 10. Equally, not all the boys will be into it, my DS never was, he would still have been fine with a Ben 10 party.

I wouldn't count on many dropping out, we've done about 10 birthday parties now and never had more than one or maybe two drop out I don't think.

[JenaiMorris]

It's your son's party. Stick to Ben 10. I never differentitated between boys and girls when ds was having parties, there's no need.

I'd invite all the boys from his class, the two girls he likes to play with and the friends from outside. No siblings.

[100DaysofSummer]

Thanks, perhaps just stick with the theme then.

In terms of siblings, I've just noticed a pattern in parties where there are babies and siblings and no childcare, the parents bring the siblings. They won't be on the invite, but I can't rule out that there may be people who can't leave siblings at home.

I'm sure I'm overthinking it all. I'm longing for the days when it will be 2 friends and a cinema trip and some food out.

[redplasticspoon]

I think its good manners to invite the whole class, bearing in mind lots won't be able to turn up.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

It depends, are you intending on passing out the invites in the playground making a big song and dance about it or will they be handed out outside the playground tactfully

[imnotmymum]

I think that your DS should comprise a list of his actual friends and you negotiate if that is the whole class. I never get invite the whole class thing ? but yes 10 or so not invited is fine.

[MrsMushroom]

The venue caters for 35....so I don't see the problem.

[MountainOrMolehill]

Are you expecting parents to stay?
Drop and run at all parties I've held and dc have been too. Though with a few nervous dc parents have asked to stay which was fine by me.

Re siblings I wouldn't invite them unless you want them to be there and assume they won't be coming. I've never had siblings turn up too an I wouldn't take siblings who were uninvited. I certainly wouldn't plan that they were going to be there.

We've had mixed parties and the only difference is I did boys and girls party bags. But each to their own.

On the invites I would ask parents to let you know by xyz day so you can plan. I've had some no replies and they've turned up!

And re inviting all the class, I would just invite those who ds wants to invite. Ten is fine to be left out. Like others have said had it been 2/3 then is invite them all.

[imnotmymum]

100DAYS. Why can you not do that now? I have never had birthday parties en masse for my DCs

[100DaysofSummer]

I did consider it imnotmymum, but it seems to be that parents stay at parties and as they're quite little I thought this was a better option.

[MountainOrMolehill]

I'd ask if they are planning on staying. I'd hate 30+ mums to entertain at a party as well as the kids