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AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

(483 Posts)
manicinsomniac Sun 10-Mar-13 18:51:26

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.


MarinaIvy Thu 14-Mar-13 22:56:09

FWIW, it's not my intention to 'sacrifice everything' for my DS, and if this were my situation, I would have wanted something resembling 'Make a Fuss of Marina Day', say, the Saturday or the previous weekend.

But that's not the point: keeping your word is paramount.

CAF275 Wed 13-Mar-13 17:36:57

your previous post sounded suspiciously like I SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR MY CHILD

I can assure you I don't and that's certainly not what I meant Fillyjonk75. I really just meant that depriving a child of something they've committed to and were (presumably) looking forward to for the sake of a family lunch is a shame for the poor kid. Yes it's nice to have a day where we can all show our DMs how much we appreciate them. But sacrificing this poor boy's place in show isn't going to be very conducive to him appreciating his DM now is it?

I don't sacrifice everything for my kids, but equally I wouldn't expect them to sacrifice something like this for me either. Cup of tea in bed and early dinner after the dress rehearsal would have done the job without the heartache.

On the other hand, maybe he just couldn't be arsed and used the MD lunch as an excuse to get out of it.

cjel Wed 13-Mar-13 14:55:18

My comment wasn't about whether the teacher and volunteers are angels or not - if you want to compete in who volunteers the most I can hold my head up high and not just to do with school. My comment was about the fact that this was seen as part of the'higher standardsthat parents pay for' WTF, does that mean if you pay for something it is better and are you paying for these volunteers or not?

Fillyjonk75 Wed 13-Mar-13 13:57:24

Sorry Fillyjonk75, but whilst I agree that you'll be better parent if you are in good mental and physical health, depriving your child of something this awesome just because it's MD really isn't going to achieve either - it's just plain selfish.

I wasn't specifically talking about Mother's Day, but your previous post sounded suspiciously like I SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR MY CHILD and I'm always kind of hmm about parents who say things like that.

^"Fair enough if they missed a few early on and showed a general lack of committment."

From the OP's posts he did. ^

Ok but why repeat my post when I had already agreed with the OP?

And I have much more sympathy with teachers doing extra hours than people running a business and making extra money out of shows etc. I run a lot of events in my own voluntary time for the school though and we take great care not to have clashes so that fewer people could go to something. That's what I meant by event organisers taking responsibility. It's not rocket science.

claudedebussy Wed 13-Mar-13 13:39:43

agree, jenai.

JenaiMorris Wed 13-Mar-13 12:59:49

this kind of thing = teachers going beyond the call of duty by giving up their weekends. Big productions, sports fixtures and so on.

The annual ski trip is at February half term - would that be unacceptable to you too bloody/cjel? A voluntary activity outside of school hours? Run on a voluntary basis by teachers? Who volunteer? Voluntarily? Or would this be another case of bloody teachers taking decisions about how your children spend all their time ? <boggles>

JenaiMorris Wed 13-Mar-13 12:53:46

Bastard teachers and their friends, giving up their free time to make a school play as good as it can be.

How DARE they?



Look, jel/bloody/whoever-you-are. If you don't want your children to get involved in activities that might take place on mothers day/fathers day/pancake day/insert-fairly-minor-annual-day-of-choice then feel free to stop them.

Check the dates of any rehearsals/fixtures/performances and if you don't like them, stop your children from signing up. They probably won't thank you for it, but hey ho. Those children with parents who do give a stuff will be grateful for the freed up place and for not having to be let down at the last minute by fairweather team mates.

fwiw ds goes to a comprehensive and they do this kind of thing all the time. They're fortunate to have a pretty supportive community of parents, which I fully appreciate isn't the case everywhere.

exexpat Wed 13-Mar-13 12:23:31

And it's not about the school deciding how children spend all their time - taking part in the show was a voluntary thing. No one forced this boy to be involved, but he chose to take part in a major, high quality production involving a lot of time and effort. Families had to sign a commitment to be there on key dates, and this family, despite signing the agreement, decided to break the commitment for the most crucial rehearsal.

exexpat Wed 13-Mar-13 12:16:34

I don't think we are talking about a boarding school here, are we? In that case all the children would be there all weekend anyway.

cjel Wed 13-Mar-13 12:08:33

wouldn't class taking decisions about how my children spend all their time as being higher standards. mental health consultant in childrens mental health once said to me that boarding schools are social services for the rich.

exexpat Wed 13-Mar-13 11:44:25

My DCs are at fee paying schools and I would absolutely support a teacher who did the same as the OP. Private schools have much stricter rules on many things than state schools, which can be a nuisance sometimes, but higher standards are part of what parents are paying for.

And I would have no problem with rehearsals on mother's day given the various circumstances the OP has explained.

stealthsquiggle Wed 13-Mar-13 11:43:54

bloodyschool - my DC's school had an all day rehearsal on MD - a lot of the cast then went straight to choir practice and on to chapel so they were at school for 9 hours.

I spoke to several parents and not one complained. They said the DC were tired, and that they were really enjoying it, and that they would be "doing" MD the following weekend, but not one said, or even implied, that the rehearsal should not have been scheduled for MD.

bloodyschool Wed 13-Mar-13 11:29:35

'How about the parents of the other 70 children?
yes.i bet they were less than impressed with scheduling the dress rehearsal for md too!!!

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Wed 13-Mar-13 11:25:04

Is this still going on?


OP good luck with the production.

JenaiMorris Wed 13-Mar-13 11:18:00

hmm bloody

How about the parents of the other 70 children?

Your name says it all, really. I bet your a delightful customer.

Still18atheart Wed 13-Mar-13 09:57:49

Also, can I just say i feel for the poor lad. Bet in a million years wouldn't he think that missing one rehearsal would course such opposing views on Mumsnet

Still18atheart Wed 13-Mar-13 09:55:38

Can I ask you, who told you that he wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal, did the boy or did the mum write a note?

If his mum had written a note woukd it have made a difference.

I know you will probs say no but my dm wrote a notes for every event at school and I think that part of this was to put of gravitas into the situation.

I think I've said what I wanted to say, but finding v. hard to explain.

bloodyschool Wed 13-Mar-13 09:23:30

It is an independent school?
I think the OP needs to keep in mind who pays her wages!!!!

Thumbwitch Tue 12-Mar-13 19:38:22

for TomArchersSausage - a spoof, but a very entertaining one! grin
My only sadness is that it doesn't seem to have been updated in years.

Thumbwitch Tue 12-Mar-13 19:36:44

YANBU at all.
It's not like the boy just missed the dress rehearsal (not just any old rehearsal, the big one) - he'd also missed previous ones too.
It would have been unfair on all the others who did turn up to allow him to keep his place.
His parents are at fault for not prioritising their son's commitment to his activity, how selfish of them!

Imagine if this was a sporting fixture, and the boy was a key player - I bet people wouldn't be so keen to tell you you're being unreasonable if he'd missed that and let the whole team down, would they.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 12-Mar-13 19:18:13


"Fair enough if they missed a few early on and showed a general lack of committment."

From the OP's posts he did.

comingintomyown Tue 12-Mar-13 19:08:39


EvilTwins Tue 12-Mar-13 18:55:55

Hope lots of legs are broken OP grin What's the show?

CAF275 Tue 12-Mar-13 18:41:37

LOL starrystarrymole - great minds! Started my comment about 20 mins ago but DD has an extremely annoying habit of wanting a "chat" every time I sit down to type anything!

CAF275 Tue 12-Mar-13 18:39:38

Have been watching this one with interest. I have the distinct perception (just a perception - haven't compiled a spreadsheet) that there was a bit of a shift yesterday in the number of YANBU compared with YABU since Sunday - much more in the YANBU camp since yesterday morning. Just struck me a bit odd that more of those saying "MD is sacred - YABU" seemed to be spending MD........ on the AIBU board of MN. Or maybe I'm just being cynical grin

FWIW YADNBU. I was dancing mad as a child/teenager and I would have sulked for years if my parents had ever caused me to miss out on a show because "lunch with Granny" was deemed more important.

Sorry Fillyjonk75, but whilst I agree that you'll be better parent if you are in good mental and physical health, depriving your child of something this awesome just because it's MD really isn't going to achieve either - it's just plain selfish.

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