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Dh has just announced he is going out tonight and tomorrow night. I have a week old baby and 2 other children under 5. AIBU to feel mightily pissed off with him

(227 Posts)
Mugglewhump Sun 10-Mar-13 16:34:03

i have just arrived home from visiting my Mum on mothers day with all 3 children. As I walked through the door and just as DH's parents arrive at the house he announces to me "by the way I forgot I am going out tonight and also tomorrow night" He brought tickets for 2 comedy nights a few months ago (and would have known full well we would have had a newborn baby)

His will be going out just before bath and bedtime so i will have to bath 2 under 5's and get them to bed whilst the newborn screams as it will coincide with the time newborn ds normally cluster feeds.

Aibu to feel pissed off about this? I will have to sit on my own this evening with a baby plugged into my boob who i can't put down feeling pissed off, upset and knackered and to top it all its bloody Mothers day. I am fuming. Dh went out only 1wk ago to see Harry Hill (this was when i was 8 days overdue and could have gone into labour at anytime) but I was fine with this as thought I would be v miserable to moan and make him stay at home with me.

In 1wks time he has to go to Prague for a week with work so he will get rest and sleep whilst yet again I am left literally holding the baby! Am i being a miserable cow as Dh has just told me?

Softlysoftly Sun 10-Mar-13 17:08:30

Its fine just say very very calmly "if you choose to leave this house you are showing just how little you care for the DCs and I. I'll be unable to forget that but its your choice".

Then walk away and bloody mean it.

Don't give him the benefit of being emotional or having to be the one to "ban" him going out.

Nanny0gg Sun 10-Mar-13 17:10:06

It's not only that he's thoughtless and inconsiderate, it's also weird(to my mind) that he actually wants to go out at this stage. I know not everyone finds newborns that interesting, but when it's your own...

Dirtymistress Sun 10-Mar-13 17:11:07

Tell him he's welcome to go...and that he will find the charred remains of everything he owns in a small, smoking pile in the garden when he returns. Oh and could he leave his door key on the way out. My dp is far too terrified of me to contemplate such ridiculous behaviourgrin

loubielou31 Sun 10-Mar-13 17:12:00

I'm glad his mum was cross too. He is being an arse and I suspect he knows this which is why he got defensive, not an excuse for calling you names though.
He should really give away at least one of the nights tickets.

nickelbabe Sun 10-Mar-13 17:15:59

the very least he can do (leaving aside that he's a knobhead right now) is to make sure that before he leaves, the 2 older children are bathed, pyjamad and tucked up in bed with you and the baby. he should also make sure that he has made you a big flask of tea, sorted you out with a jug of water, family bag of crisps, pizza and chocolate. if you have a tv in your room then get that on and have a duvet evening with the kids.
he can sleep on the settee when he gets in.
then tomorrow yoy can stay in bed with the baby while he looks after the itger 2 (and you of course) and repeat tomorrow evening.

ENormaSnob Sun 10-Mar-13 17:19:35

He is a selfish cunt.

theidsalright Sun 10-Mar-13 17:28:11

I would throw a strop. They are his children too and its painfully inconsiderate.

Skygirls Sun 10-Mar-13 17:28:51

I am [shocked] at his behavior! What a total DH! Find the ticket for tomorrow when he's in the loo or out of the way and conveniently lose it/ destroy it. Then if he asks where it is/ have you seen it, you just shrug and don't know anything!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 10-Mar-13 17:30:08

How dare he call you a miserable cow!

Skygirls Sun 10-Mar-13 17:31:28

DH meaning d**khead. Even my hubby raised his eyebrows when I showed him this thread and said it's not on.

Yama Sun 10-Mar-13 17:39:06

Of course YANBU. He is treating you like shit just when you are at your most vulnerable.

Why isn't he worried that you won't forgive him?

frostyfingers Sun 10-Mar-13 17:44:55

He might, just might be allowed to get away with it if your baby had been a firstborn and he didn't really "get it", but he knows what's involved with small children and I think his behaviour is well out of order. How you get round it I don't know but the one being unreasonable here is most definitely NOT YOU.

Tailtwister Sun 10-Mar-13 17:48:05

Another YANBU! He should be at home with you, pulling his weight.

I remember these early newborn/toddler days well (although I only had 1 toddler not 2 under 5!) and bedtime was the most difficult point of the day. Can he at least stay and help until the children are in bed?

Mugglewhump Sun 10-Mar-13 17:48:46

I did get breakfast in bed and a card and present which he had bought for the children to give me. He has also cooked tea (roast lamb) and says he will get the 22 month old bathed and in bed before he goes out. I didn't really have to do anything today as when I visited my mum we ate cake and my parents entertained the children. Dh stayed at home to get on with jobs (DIY stuff)

He honestly doesn't seem to think it is unreasonable to be going out tonight and tomorrow as apparently the tickets were bought months ago and he told me at the time [hmmm] He certainly did not! His parents have just left and his Mum gave me a big hug whilst I blubbed on her shoulder and offered to stay this evening but she doesn't drive and they have to take Great grandma home.

I feel terrible that they got caught up in our domestic as it was the first time Great Grandma had seen ds and only the second time they had seen him. I spent most of their visit in a huff upstairs trying to calm myself down. My Mum is not his biggest fan and when she finds out about this she will be v cross. He has reacted by saying "so I am not allowed to go out now then and have to stay at home until you say I can go out?"

I am not so petty as to forbid him to go out but he needs to be under no illusion that I am not happy and feel let down and upset. I am not going to just brush it under the carpet to assuage his guilt. If I was bottle feeding I could just go out if I wanted but I choose to breastfeed and am happy with this and the fact it does tie me to ds. I do not want to go out at the moment and am too bloody knackered as I am up in the night feeding.

Thank you all for your comments and support, I need to calm down and have a think about how I will discuss this tomorrow with DH in a more rational and less tearful, hysterical way.

noblegiraffe Sun 10-Mar-13 18:03:28

I was thinking I'd have said 'no you're not' but I wouldn't have to because my DH isn't a complete twat and would have realised himself that it wasn't on and not bought the tickets in the first place.

My DH checked it would be ok for him to go out next week, and we only have a 7 week old and a 3 year old.

CockyPants Sun 10-Mar-13 18:11:04

Cut his balls off.
Or change the locks and leave his shit outside on the drive...

Twattybollocks Sun 10-Mar-13 18:18:07

He is being a selfish twat. I would take rather a dim view of my dh doing this and my older kids are 6 and 8 so well able to get themselves ready for bed, and dc3 is 5wo so I'm pretty much back to normal and she is more predictable (allegedly anyway)
At 1 week old I would have had a complete meltdown if he had suggested leaving me for more than a couple of hours for his own entertainment.

Crawling Sun 10-Mar-13 18:27:14

OMG im just shocked he is being a grade A twat.

Coconutty Sun 10-Mar-13 18:34:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReluctantBeing Sun 10-Mar-13 18:37:52

I would not be happy. Did he not want the last child or something?

Lambzig Sun 10-Mar-13 18:38:30

He is being unutterably selfish. I have a four month old DS and DD3 and am a bit miffed that DH is going out twice next week (very unusually), so he is on duty this afternoon and bathing the kids while i have my feet up to make up for it. Also, at least he had the decency to ask a couple of weeks ago if those dates were ok with me.

Your DH is being ridiculous. I know he probably cant help the Prague thing, but he ought to be putting in extra time right now to make up for it.

I agree with skipping a bath one night out of the two, but I do think that you need to tell him its not on.

olibeansmummy Sun 10-Mar-13 18:51:27


ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Sun 10-Mar-13 18:52:52

"so I am not allowed to go out now then and have to stay at home until you say I can go out?"

For that manipulative piece of shit I'd be replying "I won't ban you from going out but if you do I will lose a lot of respect for you."

Oh, and I'd insist he bathes and puts to bed both older DC too.

doctorhamster Sun 10-Mar-13 18:54:38

With a week old baby you can legitimately rip his bollocks off and blame it on the hormones. No judge in the land would convict you as long as the judge is female.

He's bang out of order.

Branleuse Sun 10-Mar-13 18:59:45

harry fucking hill??? HIBU

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