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Dh has just announced he is going out tonight and tomorrow night. I have a week old baby and 2 other children under 5. AIBU to feel mightily pissed off with him

(227 Posts)
Mugglewhump Sun 10-Mar-13 16:34:03

i have just arrived home from visiting my Mum on mothers day with all 3 children. As I walked through the door and just as DH's parents arrive at the house he announces to me "by the way I forgot I am going out tonight and also tomorrow night" He brought tickets for 2 comedy nights a few months ago (and would have known full well we would have had a newborn baby)

His will be going out just before bath and bedtime so i will have to bath 2 under 5's and get them to bed whilst the newborn screams as it will coincide with the time newborn ds normally cluster feeds.

Aibu to feel pissed off about this? I will have to sit on my own this evening with a baby plugged into my boob who i can't put down feeling pissed off, upset and knackered and to top it all its bloody Mothers day. I am fuming. Dh went out only 1wk ago to see Harry Hill (this was when i was 8 days overdue and could have gone into labour at anytime) but I was fine with this as thought I would be v miserable to moan and make him stay at home with me.

In 1wks time he has to go to Prague for a week with work so he will get rest and sleep whilst yet again I am left literally holding the baby! Am i being a miserable cow as Dh has just told me?

dreamingbohemian Sun 10-Mar-13 16:43:42

Also: unless the kids are filthy, skip the baths for tonight. No one will notice.

Convert Sun 10-Mar-13 16:44:36

Why not show him this thread?

Magimedi Sun 10-Mar-13 16:45:57

What a selfish prick.

I am just amazed that any adult thinks they can behave like that - and to call you a miserable cow.

I would be laying down some serious markers re the marriage if I were you.

Magimedi Sun 10-Mar-13 16:46:30

Love Convert's idea - brilliant!

OTTMummA Sun 10-Mar-13 16:47:10

I would be feeding him those fucking tickets for dessert.
YADNBU,, who the fuck does he think he is?
Can his mum have a word about how ridiculously selfish this is?

INeverSaidThat Sun 10-Mar-13 16:50:46

YANBU confused

He is being extremely unfair and unreasonable.

YouTheCat Sun 10-Mar-13 16:50:47

I presume you will be all tucked up by the time this selfish arse comes back from his night out?

Leave your key in the lock, put bolts on and tell him tomorrow that if he goes out that night as well, to find somewhere else to sleep.

You need some support and a rest.

C0smos Sun 10-Mar-13 16:51:35

Totally selfish, he shouldn't be arranging anything for at least a month or so until you are a bit more settled. He should also not be going to Prague for a week, shouldn't he be on paternity leave anyway?

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Mar-13 16:52:23

He sounds incredibly selfish. Didn't his mother say that? I'd be ashamed of my son if he behaved like that.

Doha Sun 10-Mar-13 16:52:42

I would take newborn out somewhere to parents friends etc now and leave him to look after the 2 under 5's.
He will miss his comedy night unless his DP's were prepared to babysit.
No way would l accept this "by the way". Time to throw a strop in front of his parents. He probably told you in front of them so that you wouldn't kick off but l am surprised at them id they didn't think this was unreasonable

Mugglewhump Sun 10-Mar-13 16:53:21

He told me about a minute before his parents arrived and said he had forgotten he was going out and had just remembered. I stormed off upstairs in a huff and that's when he told me I was being a miserable cow. he didn;t say anything in front of his parents.

I have just pulled myself together to go and say hello to them as they had no idea what they were walking into! They thought I was annoyed that they had come round to see us which of course I am not , but I have told them why I am upset and his Mum is not happy with him either!

He really does have to go away for work and says he doesn't have any choice which is fair enough and I will be able to get help on the school run from both my parents and his. It's just this sudden ,totally last minute announcement he is going out that has given me the rage. Perhaps a fair compromise would be for him to forgo the tickets for one of the nights but I can't see it happening.

LittleBearPad Sun 10-Mar-13 16:53:25

I am astounded. What an utter arse. Is he an agent for stand up comics? I presume not so why the need to go out three times in two/three weeks.

What did his parents say?

HecateWhoopass Sun 10-Mar-13 16:56:47

I assume that he takes equal care of his children, does his share of the housework and takes time with the baby to let you rest and recover from having given birth? or is it more a case of 'if i want to do it, I'm doing it, when I want to do it and sod you.'

You are not being a miserable cow. He is behaving as though he doesn't have a newborn child and a wife who has just given birth and a couple of pre-schoolers and that it isn't up to him to take equal care of his children.

He is wrong.

I mean, who the hell thinks ooh, there's some shows on, I will buy tickets for two nights, one after the other, we'll have a newborn baby, but who cares, my wife will have just given birth, she can deal with a newborn baby and two small children for two nights on the trot, and whenever else I feel like it.

It's just the attitude that is wrong. Going out is not automatically wrong. It depends on so many things. Telling the other person beforehand and making sure they'll be ok for one! But I'm going screw you - that's not fair.

dreamingbohemian Sun 10-Mar-13 16:57:11

Can his mum talk some sense into him?

This really isn't one of those things you have to compromise on. It's absurd for him to go at all.

Lizzylou Sun 10-Mar-13 16:58:10

What Alibaba said, every word.
Is he usually so selfish? What did his mom say?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 10-Mar-13 17:00:01

Why do some people not understand the concept that two people have had a baby together? Two parents have a new baby and two parents have to look after that baby. Two parents have to plan and work together and support each other and their other children. Why does your DH (and I use the D ironically) think it's OK to swan around acting like a single bloke as you look after three children, one of whom is 1 WEEK OLD?

HecateWhoopass Sun 10-Mar-13 17:00:07

He forgot.

Yeah, course he did.

And I am a 25 yr old, 5ft9 leggy blonde.

He deliberately didn't tell you until now so that you wouldn't have time to get cross with him.

Tell her and leg it.

Forgot. pah. How stupid does he think you are?

Bobyan Sun 10-Mar-13 17:00:18

Flush the tickets down the loo and then tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Mugglewhump Sun 10-Mar-13 17:02:28

I have no idea why the need to go out to see so many comedy nights! He actually doesn't go out that often, perhaps once every few weeks to the pub with mates. It seem a lot of comedians are doing warm up gigs at a local theatre, so cheap tickets and a chance to see some well known comedians before they start their big tours.

He will have had 2 weeks paternity leave, then he is away in Prague for a week. I was 2 weeks overdue when Ds was born a week ago so if he had arrived on time he would have been a month old.

He is a pretty hands on Dad and does bath the kids every night but is not very helpful on the housework front. I am just astounded by his total lack of understanding why I am upset.

Cherriesarelovely Sun 10-Mar-13 17:02:47

Errrr.....right! What a selfish git! Of course Yanbu, how completely inconsiderate. Hope you are able to make it clear to him just how unfair his arrangements are. Sorry you are on your own on Mother's Day evening having been busy all day with your children too.

JethroTull Sun 10-Mar-13 17:04:10

YANBU & how incredibly thoughtless & rude of him to call you a selfish cow. I'd let him go & then next weekend tell him at 6pm on Friday that you 'forgot' you we're going away for the weekend then leave for a friends house. He'll soon remember how hard it is looking after 3 children.

Cherriesarelovely Sun 10-Mar-13 17:04:18

It doesn't really matter if he got the tickets but the forgot or whatever, he knows exactly how hard you are working looking after your Dcs and your newborn, he needs to give the ticket to someone else and to do it in good grace!

Inertia Sun 10-Mar-13 17:05:20

Yanbu. Your H is being an arse.

I'd be asking if his mum can stay later than planned to help with bath / bed for the older children as h is going out and you are struggling. With a bit of luck she'll bollock him for you.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 10-Mar-13 17:05:45

What Hecate said (isn't there an icon for that yet? smile

He's behaving like an irresponsible teenager. Does he switch his phone off too? Blame you when things go wrong? Find honest apologies difficult?

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Mar-13 17:06:09

OP, he seems to take care of himself, booking himself three nights out in a month when you've just given birth.

Does he take care of you? Do you feel loved by him?

Today was Mothers' Day. You took the children to your mum's - he had time to himself then? Then his family were coming round - who was cooking the meal?

Did you get any kind of rest today? A nice present? A lie in? Anything?

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