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AIBU Mother vs MIL

(54 Posts)
AdmiralData Sun 10-Mar-13 13:28:55

In a nutshell, I am 38 weeks pregnant and am going to have a c-section tomorrow (Monday 11th). I see my dm every week and have done at least twice a week all through this pregnancy. I see my pil very rarely due to mil having two jobs that clash with husbands job. My dm told me that she would be too tired to see me yesterday as she works hard. Therefore the mil made us a nice dinner last night.
There was a small mix up with the mothers day cards, the mil got my dm and my dm got my mil. I switched them round last night but my mother (who KNEW whose cards she had) read the cards intended for mil.
She phoned me this morning, screaming at me because I apparently worship my mil and treat my own dm with no respect whatsoever because ... get this ... I UNDERLINED THE VERSES IN THE CARD A BIT DIFFERENTLY.

I bought them the exact same cards with the exact same verse and added my own little equally touching finishes to both. My 'dm' read the card deliberately and makes digs about mil whenever she can. (This behaviour is nothing new for my 'dm' she has kicked off like this throughout my pregnancy over trivial matters).
It has ruined my day and potentially tomorrow as I cannot stop blaming myself for being a vile human being. Have I been unreasonable for any of the things my 'dm' is annoyed at me for?

CocacolaMum Sun 10-Mar-13 13:31:39

Tell her to grow up. What a shitty thing to do to you especially when you are riding the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy too.

FiveGoMadInDorset Sun 10-Mar-13 13:32:16

Your mother soounds unhinged and very jealous of your MIL.

NynaevesSister Sun 10-Mar-13 13:32:59

It depends on the verses underlined BUT no YANBU. No one should talk to another person like that esp the day before giving birth. She is out of order to treat you like that even if she did have grounds. You are not a bad person. She was clearly looking for something. She sounds insecure

ChasedByBees Sun 10-Mar-13 13:33:00

Of course not! She sounds horrible to do that to you today when you'll be having a baby tomorrow. Try and forget about it and focus on how exciting it'll be to have your new baby soon thanks

Trills Sun 10-Mar-13 13:34:19

YABU to have bought cards with verses in and underlined them.

AdmiralData Sun 10-Mar-13 13:35:18

You have all saved my sanity <3 I really appreciate it. Tyvm. x

LimboLil Sun 10-Mar-13 13:39:50

ffs I hope I am not so pathetic when my kids are grown up. Even if your mum felt a little bit hurt or insecure that you value your mil more than her, she would have been better to keep quiet and let it go. Forget about it and concentrate on tomorrow, congratulations and wishing you a safe, happy birth.

PrimrosePath Sun 10-Mar-13 13:43:42

How did your mother know the cards were underlined differently?

Your mother is acting a little strange, though. But it won't matter a jot tomorrow, have fun. [

Maggie111 Sun 10-Mar-13 13:45:12

You dm is a cowbag - you ignore her today, and know that the next time you have to deal with her you'll have a beautiful bouncing baby xxx

DeepRedBetty Sun 10-Mar-13 13:47:41

grin trills

Yes your dm is BU, hope all goes well tomorrow.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen Sun 10-Mar-13 13:48:04

Bollocks to her.

Tomorrow you get to sniff new baby smell envy life's to short to blame yourself for someone else's pettiness

ratspeaker Sun 10-Mar-13 14:01:32

I'd be tempted to tell your mum that it wont happen next year as you will not buy her a card.

But thats not really going to help.

I'd get your DH to buy and send his own card to HIS mum next time and you stick to doing your mums card

Ignore your mum, sounds like she's being a drama queen. Have a calming cup of tea, focus on tomorrow

AdmiralData Sun 10-Mar-13 14:41:53

PrimrosePath, my 'dm' knew they were underlined differently because she phoned me to tell me she had dmil cards and opened them anyway smile Then she opened her cards today.

AdmiralData Sun 10-Mar-13 14:42:26

Hotpink - LOL @ new baby smell. That has made my day x

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Sun 10-Mar-13 14:43:36

Best of luck tomorrow OP.

Sounds like the beginning of competitive grandparenting. Best ignored. Don't dwell on it.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 10-Mar-13 14:45:22

Good luck for tomorrow. YOur DM does not deserve you!

DonderandBlitzen Sun 10-Mar-13 14:46:42

Can we know which bits you underlined on dm's and dmil's card?

Cuddlydragon Sun 10-Mar-13 14:47:20

Aww. Life is to short to let her upset you. She's being such a drama queen. The very best of luck tomorrow. This time tomorrow you will have ickle new born cuddles. Too precious to be worrying about your selfish mum.

whiteandyellowiris Sun 10-Mar-13 14:48:08

best of luck tomoorow op. please dont wate a moments worry about this, if your mother wants to act like a brat, let her

Booboostoo Sun 10-Mar-13 14:48:39

Your DM sounds completely unhinged and unreasonable. Put her out of your mind.

Concentrate on having a lovely experience tomorrow and welcoming your new baby to the world!

Iggly Sun 10-Mar-13 14:50:13

You mum sounds mad.

Although why buy exactly the same cards? confused

AdmiralData Sun 10-Mar-13 15:22:40

iggly - I realise how bad it sounds but my MIL/dm situation is so awkward I thought that if they have the same neither could say the others was better??? They do see each other occasionally and mil (bless her) would NEVER say 'Oooooh mine was FANTASTIC' but my 'dm' is underhand enough to enquire about type of card etc. I really realise how bad it sounds but I felt It was the best choice?
As for underlining, it was just underlining the usual bumpf they put on cards like 'nicest day for you' and all that smush. I now hate Mothers Day.

leeloo1 Sun 10-Mar-13 17:04:33

MIL's card "You're the best Mother in the world."

DM's card "You're ^ not ^ the best Mother in the world."

mmmm, I can see why your DM would be upset. grin

ps Put all of this rubbish out of your head. Good luck with the c-section tmrw and remember next year you'll be the one getting lovely Mother's Day cards from your precious baby. smile

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 10-Mar-13 17:17:12

Ignore it, and carry on, whining over a bloody card, how pathetic, and especially in your condition and have section tomorrow, how dare she!!

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