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...when receiving a CRAP mother's day gift (from the husband)...

(187 Posts)
OvenReady Sun 10-Mar-13 10:53:15

I cried.

We've had a tough couple of years (PND, social services, 2 miscarriages yada yada yada) so I kind of hoped this MD would be special. My DS is 2 so has no say in the card and gift giving.

The gift? "Hairy Dieters Cookbook".

I cried, and slowly pushed away the pancakes from breakfast.

notnagging Sun 10-Mar-13 12:01:50

I hope I don't come across as self indulgent.hmm

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:04:12

Yes it is fab you have lost lots of weight!Dont you think that deserves congrats?

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:04:57

Ha ha no the OP notnagging!

yousankmybattleship Sun 10-Mar-13 12:05:07

I think it is a lovely present and as a) you are NOT his mother and b) your child is too young to understand what mother's day even is, I'd say you should feel grateful that he has made the effort to do anything at all.

notnagging Sun 10-Mar-13 12:05:22

Oh few ike! Thanksgrin

ike1 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:06:34

S'alright! That's mum's day for ya!

Bogeyface Sun 10-Mar-13 12:06:58

I can understand why the OP feels the way she does if she has issues with her weight. 2 year old refusing food is normal, just keep offering a good variety of food and 99% of the time they do grow out of it.
I bought H that book for Xmas because he loved the series and has been trying to cook more since he lost his job, I didnt really think about the title but both of us are overweight so it wont do us any harm!

I would say to not bother with the leek lasagne recipe. It is a right royal PITA and frankly isnt worth the bother!

specialsubject Sun 10-Mar-13 12:07:16

you got a present, and you burst into tears?

sorry, but to me that is really childish.

Bogeyface Sun 10-Mar-13 12:07:53

All the "He isnt your mother" commenters, presumably you wont do a thing for your childrens fathers come June?

somuchforanindiansummer Sun 10-Mar-13 12:08:32

I really don't get this 'you are not his mother' thing. When DC are too small to make a card/pressie why wouldn't you want to do something nice for your DP 'on their behalf'? confused

SauvignonBlanche Sun 10-Mar-13 12:09:08

I can't see what your DH has done wrong.
I'm sorry you're feeling so down.

Sparklyboots Sun 10-Mar-13 12:11:15

Oh dear, OP, I think people are being unnecessarily harsh here.

The present is a bit "Get the dinner on, and lose some weight, woman!" I doubt your DH meant it that way, though? If you think he did, then that's a different thing... I don't think my DP has a clue about how awful I feel about weight, it's just a practical issue for him. When DS was about 4 weeks? old, he 'helpfully' noticed that that woman (we had just walked past) had a tiny baby but 'didn't seem to have put on a lot of weight' (I had). I was still bleeding from the tear in my vagina at this point. I sincerely think now that he was just wondering aloud whether weight gain was an inevitable consequence of pregnancy and post-partum baby care, but at the time, I was gutted. Retrospectively, 'choosing' to be gutted about 'what it said about me' was less helpful for me than I think choosing to be amused about how socially incompetent he was would have been.

I think it sounds like your DP was being socially incompetent rather than saying something about you. Specially if you've been sharing your concerns about losing weight - he was probably trying to be all supportive and prove he was listening. Which doesn't mean he hasn't been a bit of an idiot. But you could all have a laugh about his idiocy rather than wander round hurt and isolated all day. For Father's Day, can I suggest a nasal hair remover or similar? Meanwhile, get the pancakes on and milk the faux pas for a massage, grovelly dinner being made, etc, for the rest of the day.

yousankmybattleship Sun 10-Mar-13 12:11:21

Because Mothers Day is about children thinking of their mothers. I didn't expect anything when mine were tiny and would have thought it slightly silly if my husband had got something 'on their behalf'. It is lovely when children are a bit older and they make a card themselves, but all this nonsense of poor husbands thinking they need to buy something is just a waste of time and money in my opinion.

facedontfit Sun 10-Mar-13 12:12:13


My crap gifts when pregnant with daughter, roll of sellotape, ball of string, marker pens, sellotape dispenser, 99p bubble bath! All wrapped individually. I am still scarred by the experience. smile

curiousgeorgie Sun 10-Mar-13 12:13:16

I think crying is a bit melodramatic. Even my toddler doesn't cry at unwanted gifts.

It's just another day and if anything it's about the thought, getting a card from my 2 year old was more than enough for me and I'm completely over the moon with it.

curiousgeorgie Sun 10-Mar-13 12:14:37

And actually, I feel a bit sorry for your DH. What were you expecting exactly??

CitrusyOne Sun 10-Mar-13 12:14:55

I read the op and some of the responses but not all of them so sorry if I'm repeating what's already been said, but I think your problem was posting in aibu. There are always people here who think everyone is bu regardless of the question. Tis mumsnet rules.

aldiwhore Sun 10-Mar-13 12:15:00

YANBU to be upset, BUT YABU to be angry at your DH... often a thoughtful gift pushes the absolute wrong buttons.

You're obviously very down, and have been for a while, so YANBU to be affected like this.

Even though I love the Hairy Dieters Book and it was a gift from DH and I am sensitive about my weight and go on and on about it, I can see how it would upset you if you're already feeling shit.

ZumbaZara Sun 10-Mar-13 12:19:04

I want a sew your own badger kit, please pretty please!!!!!!!!!

AudrinaAdare Sun 10-Mar-13 12:22:37

My "crap" gifts were from DD and the best, most memorable Mothers Day so far. She was almost three and had made me breakfast all on her own, with daisies from the garden all on a tray.

I was a lone parent then so it consisted of what she could reach from the fridge and prepare safely.

Beaker of milk, lettuce and olives grin

RatPants Sun 10-Mar-13 12:22:53

Sorry you were upset and sorry you are getting a hard time.

It sounds like you've been through the mill and the gift is acting as further proof of how rubbish things are at the moment. If you were in a better frame of mind, I'm sure you would have been able to laugh or thank your dh for trying regardless. Things will get better, you've come through so much.

Pickles101 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:34:42

Bogeyface I am one of those people and no I won't be buying anything for my OH for FD. He hasn't for me today, which I'm happy about - I am definitely not his mum shock

captainmummy Sun 10-Mar-13 12:37:43

I dont get the 'gifts' thing either. 'Mother's day' IS a hallmark-card day.

MOTHERING SUNDAY was/is a day in the religious year when the members of staff in the Big Houses would get a day off to go back to their MOTHER CHURCH; ie where they were christened. If they stopped off to visit mother, even better.

This is a religious day,not another opportunity to spend money on gifts.

Having said that, it's nice to have a little appreciation on one day. My ds1 phoned from uni. Ds2 and 3 are with exh, but will prob have got/bought/picked some flowers or got a card. I love them and they love me and that's all that matters.

Fathers Day on the other hand, is completely Hallmark-card made, as is Grandparents day etc.

NoRoomForMeInMyBed Sun 10-Mar-13 12:44:56

The hairy Dieters cook book is my fave cookbook at the mo, I havent lost weight or dieted, but its just simple everyday recipes all made with stuff you have at home. No silly crystallized walnuts in port surup horrible weird stuff. The tangle pie is divine, so is the spivy veg stew. Yum. Double yum.

I got mrs browns boys dvd in a tesco bag. Obvious thing DH bought for himself. I cant stand the show (am foreign so dont understand the accent hence cant follow it. ) I cried. Loudly. Miserable all day.

Thank you for posting here, i feel better not being the only sad mummy.

All I wanted was a pack of M&S walnut whips. (Wails)

ll31 Sun 10-Mar-13 12:52:21

think you've completely overreacted op and crying.... really? i'd be unimpressed with a 4 yr old having that reaction. and i know you've both had bad yr...
think really, talk to people if you want to communicate properly

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