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To feel like a failure!

(181 Posts)
upndown Sat 09-Mar-13 22:53:43

Basically my daughter - 6, is very overweight. She is in 10- 11 year clothes and carries the most weight on her tummy, but is visible overweight all over.

She was a very skinny toddler, but her weight crept up over the years from around the age of three. I honestly don't know how I've allowed it to get this way but I'm struggling to get her weight down. I eat a healthy diet in general. But I have a love for all things sweet too. I guess I've allowed my daughter to too.

She always seems to be hungry and over the past few weeks I have ensure that five days of the week she has no sweets/chocolate. at the weekends - I allow her some treats. She fills up in between meals on fruit.

Why haven't I seen a loss? I know these things are gradual, but she looks exactly the same size! I'm careful that she doesn't pick up on this, but she is already concious of her weight because she said 'I wan't a flat tummy like my friends at school" I am SO angry with myself for letting it get this bad. I know there are friends in her class that live on crap and fast foods. They are bean poles!

The types of food she eats are listed below. I never fry food or cook in grease and use healthy spread for toast.

Weetabix/rice crispies
granary toast
low fat cream cheese
lots of fruit
most veg
fish fingers (yes I know!)
pasta with pesto
new potatoes
rice cakes/breadsticks
skimmed milk

mcdonalds is the only fast food she would eat and that is on average a handful of times a year.

chocolate was most days until the last 6 weeks.

is anyone in asimilar position. I want her healthy, but not feeling her weight truly reflects what she consumes??

btw, she is not very active, but I think that's mainly due to her size...

Whoknowswhocares Sun 10-Mar-13 00:08:24

Just for your own benefit, you could track what she has for a few days and work out her calorie intake. A six year old girl needs approx 1200 calories (according to google anyway) a day to maintain weight, perhaps a bit less if she is very sedentary
Have you had any dietary help from the gp? Due to her growing, it's really not as simple as cutting her intake and I'd not be happy to do so without a little advice, as she might need a different balance of nutrients
Track and record her food in a dietary for a week, then discuss it with your doctor.
Oh, and let her moan about walking! Just make sure she does it anyway.

minouminou Sun 10-Mar-13 00:08:59

Agree with Worra there - except I do have to point out that if you've got a cholesterol prob, exercise won't sort it if you eat too much lard!

squeakytoy Sun 10-Mar-13 00:09:54

Many parents live in the grip of a culture of fear.. terrified that if their little darling is out of sight for more than five minutes they will be snatched.. it just isnt the case.

Even kids that are not overweight are unfit these days because they dont get enough exercise.

larks35 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:10:05

Ooh just a thought what about you both do the Geocache thing? I don't know much about it but a friend at work does loads of it with his son. It's kind of like a treasure hunt and loads of fun. I'll google a link.

larks35 Sun 10-Mar-13 00:12:13 that was easy. I think it'll something I'll start doing with my DS in the next hols.

minouminou Sun 10-Mar-13 00:13:15

Just out of interest, OP, what scooter has she got?
A Mini Micro or Maxi? it's just that if she's still got a Mini, it might be a bit restrictive for her now (apols if it's neither!).

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Mar-13 00:13:31

I also think from reading all the diet threads etc that constantly pop up on here...

People often put far too much focus on cutting out certain foods and far too little focus on getting down and sweaty with full on exercise.

We can bump our gums til the cows come home about carbs and breadsticks and rice cakes etc...because that's the easy thing to do.

The hardest thing?

Getting off our arses and working at shifting the pounds.

minouminou Sun 10-Mar-13 00:14:29

I think as well, squeaky, it's the fear of censure from other parents/rest of society if they're not seen to be helicoptering.

upndown Sun 10-Mar-13 00:14:44

I do find that opportunities for exercises depends on where you live and other factors. I wouldn't feel safe letting my daughter out to play. It's a personal thing I guess, but I'm not ready yet. We live in a nice area, but there is no where I'd feel safe letting her out. So, it lies with me, and I work until six, so pick her up from school, and go home until I clock off at 6.

If I'm being completely honest though, I could squeeze in a bit of park time, but I never feel organised enough. Something else I have to work on. We have a local park but I'd feel under pressure to get back home. I do work for myself and don't have as much quality time with my daughter as I'd like. When I've taken her to parks at the weekends, she will go on something a few times, complain she's tired and sit down! Even with friends to play with and encourage her, she doesn't have the stamina.

lambinapram Sun 10-Mar-13 00:17:10

I agree with reducing fruit and carb heavy foods. Make sure she actually gets enough good fats - it satifies and helps reduce cravings and snacking. Things like salmon, cheese, olive oil, nuts, natural yogurt etc

minouminou Sun 10-Mar-13 00:17:20

That's a good point, Worra, but if you do tweak your diet to get shot of stuff that you don't need, then it's a big bonus...and dead easy to do.
It's just that you should reduce junk AND shift yer arse!

upndown Sun 10-Mar-13 00:18:42

minouminou She has a Maxi Micro (3 wheeled!)

minouminou Sun 10-Mar-13 00:20:05

Could your daughter go to an after school club for two or three days? My two are at nursery and school/ASC, and DS in particular is running around like a loon at pick up time.

minouminou Sun 10-Mar-13 00:21:29

Ah well (re scooter) it was worth a thought. I just wondered if she was uncomfortable on a Mini Micro and would benefit from a Maxi. I know DS went even more bonkers on his Maxi when we upgraded!

Cotapaxi Sun 10-Mar-13 00:21:33

What did we used to do in the good ole days on a freezing night in November? I do remember playing out a lot after school but clearly for a good part of the year that wouldn't have been possible?

OP I guess you can't get a dog as you work ft? Relative or neighbour with a dog? Is she interested in animals? I say that as dog walking, horse riding, mucking out ponies at the local riding school etc is a great way of exercising but not realising you are as it is fun. Trampolining? Could she do a gym class or dance class after school? Something that could become a passion but do her good at the same time.

Well done for taking action, sure you will crack it together.

lambinapram Sun 10-Mar-13 00:22:44

Also diet is more important than lack of exercise:

TheSecondComing Sun 10-Mar-13 00:22:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy Sun 10-Mar-13 00:24:37

I was raised on a typical 1970's northern diet.. spuds with almost every meal apart from breakfast, sugary cereal, fizzy pop, home made meat and potato pies, lots of white bread.. but the portion sizes were small. We had pudding almost every day at dinner with school and at home each night.. again usually home made.

But I can only remember one child in my entire primary school being very overweight. The majority of kids were skinny and the rest were average .. I can look back at class photos and the bigger girl is the same size as the teacher.. she never rode a bike, didnt swim, and she had a dreadful time at school due to the kids who relentlessly teased her.

I think that a lot of the problems with food is that we have far more choice now, fussier kids because of that, and parents who dont have the time or ability to cook from scratch so use ready meals, processed food, etc.

Cotapaxi Sun 10-Mar-13 00:25:06

Yes it's 70% diet and 30% exercise.

upndown Sun 10-Mar-13 00:25:37

minouminou - I've tried! She shows no desire to unfortunately! Also, money is pretty tight at the moment. This is one of the reasons I haven't set her up with swimming lessons. Although swimming lessons will be the first thing I'll do for her once I'm financially able. She will need one on one for that, and that cost approx. £30 per half hour sessions!

Ruprekt Sun 10-Mar-13 00:25:42

I would give her a big breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon.

This will get her through the morning without snacking.

Chicken and salad for lunch.

No snacks.

Lots of water or milk to drink.

Meat and veggies for dinner.

So you are cutting out sugar and carbs, upping the fat and protein which will ultimately stop the snacking. smilesmile

teatrolley Sun 10-Mar-13 00:27:15

You've had some really good advice. For children the target isn't to lose weight but to not gain it and grow taller IYSWIM. You sound like you've got the plate size sorted but it might be worth checking out the split of veg, carbs and protein on the plate so she's getting the right proportions. Beyond that, plenty of water so she doesn't confuse thirst for hunger and being active. Really, really active. Lack of activity leads to boredom/sitting around which can lead to more snacking. Children need loads of running around every day. The more she walks, the happier she'll be to do it.

Toss out the scales and focus on making sure that what she eats is healthy and in the right proportions and that she gets back into doing a lot more. It shouldn't be seen as 'a diet', just a healthier way of living for everyone in the house. If you have a Wi try dancing games that you could have a go at too. Find out if there are any parent and child based exercise classes in your area that you could do together. Try to get her skipping. If you find yourself using food as a treat or reward for her good behaviour try to change that to something else she likes.

I'd explain that people come in all different shapes and sizes and that her body will change shape a lot as she grows up so it's not something that she needs to worry about.

upndown Sun 10-Mar-13 00:27:26

minouminou Ha! She is a whizz on her scooter!! and for the extortionate cost, I'm grateful she gets use out of it! :-)

teatrolley Sun 10-Mar-13 00:28:22

And ignore that ^. You don't low carb a 6 year old hmm

minouminou Sun 10-Mar-13 00:29:42

I know - some older relatives nearly died when they found out how much the buggers cost! However, DD is on DS' old Mini, which is 3.5 years old, and she'll inherit his Maxi in a couple of years....good value for money.

What was the prob with the ASC?

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