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in thinking that I need to be a bit wary of this woman, regarding my DH.

(208 Posts)
Megatron Sat 09-Mar-13 09:57:11

Firstly, I need to say that I am not some jealous haridan that thinks everyone is after my man. smile I will explain a few recent things that have happened and perhaps you good people will give an opinion if my spidey sense is tingling with good reason.

DH and I been together 15 years, 2 children, v happy, no concerns there. We live in a small village and there are normally various social events every month, some of which we attend some we don't. There's been quite a lot on since Christmas, nothing fancy, a lot of them with the children etc but we have been out more than usual recently.

Anyway, at a New Year bash one of the women who often attends these things with her husband was all over DH like a rash (let's call her Rachel). DH slightly mortified, put it down to too much booze and kept moving away from her (she followed) and rested her hand on his backside whilst standing with him. He moved back to where I was, put his arm around my waist and she went back to talk to her DH. I only know any of this because DH told me. A couple of the other women I know said 'oh it looks like Rachel has her sights set on Mr Mega now' and told me that this is now uncommon and that she has 'form' (their words).

To be honest I didn't think too much of it as it all seemed a bit silly, but since then Rachel has made a real effort to befriend me. She very glamorous, high powered career, pots of money and 'used to getting what she wants' according to her. We are poles apart and have very little in common so I have not actively encouraged anything more than passing the time of day. In the last three weeks she has:

Asked when I would be in so she could pop in and borrow a DVD box set. Then came on the only night I said I would NOT be there, went into the kitchen and started to make herself a cup of tea until DH said that he was expecting a mate round, so she left.

Sent DH a filthy text message (which he showed me) then immediately sent another one saying 'Oops, was meant for Y (her DH), wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea'. Apparently she got his work mobile no from Linked In. Not sure why she would look him up.

Sent him an underwear photo the following day, followed by another 'Oops' then made great pains to come and tell me that it was absolutely an accident. Incidentally their names do not begin with the same initial so would not be next to each other on her phone list.

Last night, at a very casual drinks thing at local cricket club, told him she's been dreaming about him. Again, followed him around like a puppy until he eventually planted himself beside me again which we seldom do, we're normall talking to different people. She then said to me 'Oh Mega ha ha, you must think I'm after your husband ha ha ha'. Er well, actually I do.

DH knows I am posting this btw and says she makes him feel uncomfortable. I am pretty chilled about most things but I think this has to stop now.

So dear reader, this has been longer than I anticipated grin what do you think?

tak1ngchances Sat 09-Mar-13 10:01:37

I think your DH needs to tell her that her behaviour is making him very uncomfortable and ask her to stop. If you say anything then she'll accuse you of being jealous and making it all up. But no one can argue with how your husband is feeling.

HecateWhoopass Sat 09-Mar-13 10:02:11

i think she's making a fool of herself and your husband needs to tell her to back off.

You don't have to be wary of her because there is nothing she can do to harm your marriage without your husband's cooperation, which it certainly sounds like she will not get grin

Did he go all wide eyed and rabbit in the headlights when he got the text? grin

Perhaps he should say "my wife and I were surprised to see that picture! You should delete my number to make sure there are no more accidents like that."

It's actually ok for him to say to her "I am very uncomfortable with your behaviour, it is inappropriate and you need to stop it"

Just as a woman should say to a man who was behaving like this.

Megatron Sat 09-Mar-13 10:02:19

Oh an I forgot to mention, there's been a lot of 'accidentally' bumping into him at a few of his regular haunts too.

Teeb Sat 09-Mar-13 10:02:54

Dear god, she sounds like hard work. She doesn't even seem to be clever about it either!

I'm not sure what I would do. I think it's best to show a united front, but also for your DH to be the one who makes it perfectly clear that he is happily married and she makes him uncomfortable. I think if you were the one to speak to her, she would feel like this was proof her plan was working and you're clearly 'jealous' rather than thinking she looks like a desperate old fool.

landofsoapandglory Sat 09-Mar-13 10:03:09

shockI think she wants to get her greasy mitts on your DH

In your position I would be livid and would be telling her in know uncertain terms to leave him the fuck alone. I'd probably threaten to tell her DH if she didn't.

saffronwblue Sat 09-Mar-13 10:03:14

Sounds dodgey and as if it is her style to create a drama centering around herself. Also sounds as if your DH is doing all the right things to tell her to back off. Underwear photo? Perhaps it is time for DH to get a new phone number or to swap numbers with you.

catgirl1976 Sat 09-Mar-13 10:03:19

I think she sounds unhinged and your DH sounds lovely

He should tell her straight it's not going to happen, although if you have a bunny I would keep a close eye on it for a while afterwards

HecateWhoopass Sat 09-Mar-13 10:03:24

He needs to very bluntly tell her to leave him alone.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 09-Mar-13 10:04:50

I agree, your DH needs to tell her to stop behaving as she is.

I am mightily intrigued though, that people actually do this! It sounds like a Joanna Trollope novel!

Megatron Sat 09-Mar-13 10:05:08

Hecate he almost shat himself when he got the text. grin

DH really likes her DH (so do I) and I think he's trying to avoid a 'situation' but I think it's gone past that stage now.

ThingummyBob Sat 09-Mar-13 10:05:58

I agree. Your DH needs to nip this in the bud with a word to her to back off as she's making him uncomfortable.

If she doesn't get the message get DH to mention to her DH about her hilarious 'mistake' with the text message.

glenthebattleostrich Sat 09-Mar-13 10:06:34

She sounds unhinged. I think I would be considering a restraining order or moving.

Seriously though your DH needs to tell her in no uncertain terms to back off.

HecateWhoopass Sat 09-Mar-13 10:06:51

grin I can imagine.

sorry, but he is going to have to be VERY direct.

Leave me alone. Your behaviour is unacceptable. Stay away from me.

Nothing other than that is going to work.

eavesdropping Sat 09-Mar-13 10:07:50

She sounds absolutely barking. Your DH should ask her to delete his number so he doesn't receive anymore of her texts by mistake. She should get the message.

Megatron Sat 09-Mar-13 10:08:14

She's well known for loving a drama and when I think about it, she always seems to be on the periphery of lots of goings on (village life etc!).

It started off with DH and I both finding it mildly amusing but now? Not so much. He's asking if he has to tell her to her face or can he just get his mum to write him a note excusing him from her sexual advances. grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 09-Mar-13 10:09:36

Ooh this would really rile me up! I don't mind people fancying any partner I have, but the complete lack of respect for you and your relationship is vile!

I cannot believe that she would send him rude pictures! That is just shameful.

Does her husband know about her behaviour?

livinginwonderland Sat 09-Mar-13 10:09:44

he needs to tell her, very bluntly, to leave her alone. if she doesn't, i suggest you talk to her husband!

HecateWhoopass Sat 09-Mar-13 10:09:54


tell him no! He's going to have to tell her. Tell him not to be such a scaredy pants.

or he could start to wear a cunning disguise

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 09-Mar-13 10:10:23

He needs to go and tell her quite forcefully to fuck off. maybe not quite in those terms

catgirl1976 Sat 09-Mar-13 10:11:06

He has to tell her to her face..........but maybe in a "Safe" venue like an event you are at

I dont think he should arrange to meet her, she may see this as encouragement

ScentedNappyHag Sat 09-Mar-13 10:11:39

She sounds like an absolute nightmare! Love the idea of your MIL sending her a note though grin

trashcanjunkie Sat 09-Mar-13 10:12:06

this is so not ok! poor you and poor mr mega. Actually it's really sinister! If you told the story again and swapped the genders, how do you think it reads? menacing sexual harassment. Could you speak to her and her husband as a couple? Could you bear it? Not in an all out warfare, but all grown up and civil... (which it sounds as though you totally are btw)

LadySybilPussPolham Sat 09-Mar-13 10:13:00

Well yes, I think you're right to deduce that she's up to something! Some people get their kicks in mysterious ways and it sounds like she likes to play games...
DH needs to tell her to stop acting like a dick and leave him alone.
You could either be incredibly kind and patronising "oh Rachel, you seem very unhappy - are you having problems at home?"
Or laugh at her and point out that everyone in the village thinks she's an arse.
I would also be rattled btw!

ReluctantBeing Sat 09-Mar-13 10:14:15

I agree that your dh needs to say nothing and not be subtle about it.

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