Advanced search thinking DP should be able to decide a date to get married without consulting his brother first

(38 Posts)
IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:24:35

So, we are sat here having an 'OK, when shall we do it?'' conversation, to which he replied 'I would just need to see when x (DP's brother) is free this summer.' Eh? shouldn't it be the other way around? Don't you decide a date and then hope/assume important people can try hard to make it? confused Am supremely irritated by this. Off to get a glass of wine!

Cherriesarelovely Fri 08-Mar-13 23:40:03

Yabu but only because it is short notice, by that I mean that we have had our holidays booked for a month or so already. Congratulations!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes Fri 08-Mar-13 23:18:17

You could be putting them in a very awkward position if they had booked holidays, would you expect them to cancel? Or just accept that they couldn't come.

lollilou Fri 08-Mar-13 23:18:11

If your date is not set in stone I think it's nice to be able to check with important family to make sure they can be there. Our best friends didn't go to a Festival so that they could make our wedding but if we had checked with them first I would have moved the date.

simplesusan Fri 08-Mar-13 23:06:58

Ordinarily I would say just set a date. However, given that it is very short notice,I think your oh is being sensible.

Most people have things planned months in advance, holidays etc and can't always alter plans.
I know for certain that my dh cannot change his summer holidays now that they are booked.

DialMforMummy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:56:41

I don't think you are that unreasonable. If you try to find a date when everybody who matters to you can make it, you'll never get there. IME people who want to be there make it. Having said that, it's a tad short notice.

MrsSparkles Fri 08-Mar-13 22:17:21

I think it's quite normal to check with people you really want to be there( I know I did). DH's brother didn't check with us (for wedding next year) and is now sulking because we can't make it, after saying he'd checked with "all the important people" - errr if we were that important you should have checked!

apostropheuse Fri 08-Mar-13 21:02:19


apostropheuse Fri 08-Mar-13 21:01:55

If you were planning a weddng two years from now you would not be being unreasonable, but becuase it's only a few months away you are being unreasonable.

People will already have made plans for this summer.

ArbitraryUsername Fri 08-Mar-13 20:57:36

I'd've thought it was quite usual to check with immediate family before deciding on a date to get married. You don't want your mum having to turn down her invitation, generally.

Adversecamber Fri 08-Mar-13 20:55:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche Fri 08-Mar-13 20:53:53

It's short notice, seems reasonable to check.
The first thing I checked was there wasn't a 5 Nations rugby match on! grin

ArbitraryUsername Fri 08-Mar-13 20:52:22

Would it have been better to choose a date and then discover than no one could make it? Is his brother going to be best man?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 08-Mar-13 20:51:28

Perhaps he has always wanted his brother to be his best man?

DontmindifIdo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:50:24

this summer??? Yes, that's short notice. Lots of people will already have holidays booked and be booked up with other events, it could well be his DB has already got various things booked that your DP knows about and really wants him there.

do you have a venue you want to use? If so, you might be worth finding out when they can do (if they are fully booked for the summer, then you'll have to rethink), then decide who on your guest list is a "must be there" and then check which of those weekends they can do. Start with both sets of parents if I was you.

scrablet Fri 08-Mar-13 20:49:20

Oh I was just thinking about this today.
When me and DH decided to get married, my DFather kept saying, you need to set a date cos DS is so busy and gets booked up so fast.
I was trying to sort out venues and got really stressed.
D (D) BIL told us it was our day and no matter what , they would be there,
Still wish I had said to DF was my day, and not about DS (Just this once Dad, eh?...) Hmmm, maybe still issues....

CheeseStrawWars Fri 08-Mar-13 20:49:10

YABU. Relatively speaking, you are wedding-planning at quite short notice. Loads of people will have already booked their summer holidays at this stage.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes Fri 08-Mar-13 20:44:45

Does he want his brother to be best man? Then I could understand why he is the most important to check dates with.

EverybodysSootyEyed Fri 08-Mar-13 20:44:24

Well he clearly wasn't elevating him above you so not sure what the problem is

(you do sound a tad bridezilla - sorry!)

IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:43:14


IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:42:45

Think perhaps it's the elevation of his brother as 'most important person to check with' that has annoyed me.

Will endeavour to chill...

livinginwonderland Fri 08-Mar-13 20:42:26

yabu, i wouldn't want to get married if my family couldn't be there.

ImperialBlether Fri 08-Mar-13 20:39:08

OP, I hate to say this, but you are showing bridezilla tendencies. Please don't go down that road - everyone will hate you!

IThinkIDo Fri 08-Mar-13 20:38:57

OK. Either I am now enlightened, or the wine has worked. Feeling much more mellow now smile

browniebear Fri 08-Mar-13 20:38:14

What does his brother do? Is it really hard for him to get time off?
I think YABU really if they're very close

EverybodysSootyEyed Fri 08-Mar-13 20:36:49

Pick all your free weekends

Call up people in order of importance and cross out te ones they definitely can't make

Stop when you only have one date left

Or book your wedding at least a year in advance so most people won't have booked anything and get them to save the date

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