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to think the health visitor this morning was a cheeky old bat?!

(115 Posts)
lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 12:50:46

So my very lovely health visitor is off on maternity leave and I had a stand in this morning for DDs 6 month review. She was a total bitch to me. Here are some of the things she said-

'Two babies and your only 24? You have been busy, whats the rush?'

'Do both your children have the same father?'

She told me I should not have a dog- that babies and dogs are not a good mix and I should either keep him outside or 'get rid' of him. (FWIW dog is an 9 year old westie, who has grown up with kids since we got him when he was 8 weeks old. I would maybe understand if he was being boisterous but he was lying in his bed like a slob the whole time she was in'

I should not have a flat screen TV on a stand on the floor- they are extremely dangerous if toppled and it should be put on the wall immediately.

I am foolish for having a toybox and small childs chair infront of the window in living room as children might climb out the window, and she 'hopes to God I dont have my toddlers bed pushed against a window upstairs' Of course I dont!

When asking about 6 month old DD'S sleeping said recently she had been getting up a few times through the night crying but was easily settled with the dummy and stroking her head. She told me I need to let her cry it out, as by going to her and stroking her head and giving her attention I am 'rewarding' her for crying

AIBU in thinking she was really rude or am I just being over sensitive?

Buzzardbird Fri 08-Mar-13 13:57:03

lumpy don't take it to heart. It was just a gentle hint that ladies over 50 don't like to be called "old bats", you would have a right battering if people were really angry at you grin

You have had enough patronising for one day. Take no notice of HV's opinions. The young ones I had were absolutely shite but the more mature HV I had was absolutely brilliant and helped me get some help with my physical problems that were making being a mother very difficult. That woman was well into her 50's, I wish there were more like her around.

sannaville Fri 08-Mar-13 14:00:49

Hv are a jobsworth sometimes! My last one told me that my tortoises were a danger to my kids as they can spread salmonella and may bite the kids!! I had to tell her tortoises don't carry salmonella as they eat weeds not meat and they don't bite as they have no teeth! Stupid cow!

We did have our tv on a stand until dd2 and her sticky fingers came along and we reconsidered and wall mounted it! More floor space less tv marks, didn't even consider the hazard tbh!

scoobydooagain Fri 08-Mar-13 14:06:53

Wellslapmythigh - I am a HV and weekly I tell parents to put their babies on the floor grin

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Fri 08-Mar-13 14:16:14

Scooby, he would have been trodden on by his brother for sure. He was definitely safe on the bed.

midori1999 Fri 08-Mar-13 14:20:51

Actually sannaville, tortoises can carry salmonella, as can all reptiles.

ILovePonyo Fri 08-Mar-13 14:27:14

Excuse my ignorance, why can't you put a child's bed by the window? We are moving 2year old dd from cot to bed soon and it will only fit by window. Or radiator. Hmm confused

Oh yanbu op grin

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 14:30:50

ILove I assume it would be no problem if window was locked, and there was no way for your child to access keys? Just make sure it's not your fire escape window as they cannot be locked! Oh and If you have blinds though please make sure the blind cord is well put up out of the way!

ILovePonyo Fri 08-Mar-13 14:38:07

Thanks lumpy, that all makes sense and was what I was thinking, I wondered if I'd missed something obvious! blush

ilovecolinfirth Fri 08-Mar-13 14:39:56

It's not a good idea to put a baby in the middle of a bed, even if they're a some point when you least expect it they do learn to not get into the habit. I put a stair gate on one room so that I could keep my 3 year old away from my newborn, until I felt confident they would be ok together. There's nothing wrong with putting a baby on the floor. Why did you not hand baby to hv to hold, and how did she know you put baby on bed? Surely she didn't follow you into bedroom.

Tortoises do carry salmonella.

Casing visitors actually do know what they're on about, and some mums just don't like the fact someone knows better than them


worldgonecrazy Fri 08-Mar-13 14:53:52

Tsk! Two children and you don't know the response to any question regarding how your child is sleeping is "Like a baby" grin

Yes, she was rude, out of order, patronising and you did well to stay calm.

SankPorter Fri 08-Mar-13 14:57:04

She was certainly being rude. YANBU

And, in late 50s, will add to the chorus that 'old bat' is offensive.

HerLordship Fri 08-Mar-13 14:58:36

I'd complain to the head of health visitors in your area. She sounds awful. Very rude, and very judgemental

HerLordship Fri 08-Mar-13 15:00:33

I do think too that some HVs look for things to pick at. I have 3 DCs, and even at my youngests' 2 year check the HV was asking question after question to try to find something that I was doing wrong. HVs are a waste of space, in the majority IMO

MrsMushroom Fri 08-Mar-13 15:01:20

I complained when my HV tried to make me put a religion on DDs forms...."Oh go on...just put CofE instead of none...none sounds sad."


Raum Fri 08-Mar-13 15:06:41

Complain to your GP practice manager and senior partner in writing. That's not professional and not acceptable. YANBU

Tubegirl Fri 08-Mar-13 15:14:46

<nothing useful to say but laughing at Pagwatch's suggested alternative wording>

LtEveDallas Fri 08-Mar-13 15:20:06

The one and only time I saw the HV she was catsbummouth all through the visit because I had come back from work to see her and was in my uniform. She commented that the clothes I was wearing would 'unsettle the child' and I shouldn't wear them in front of her.

She also insulted my neice who had stepped in to provide childcare for a week when my nanny quit:
"What makes you think you can look after a baby?"
"Umm, my 7 year old"
"Where is your child then, was she removed?"
"No, she's with my mum"
"Why have you abandoned her, do you do this often? I suppose you go out all the time"
shock angry

"OK, fuck off now and don't come back"

PopeBenedictsP45 Fri 08-Mar-13 17:29:10

LtEveDallas - "She commented that the clothes I was wearing would 'unsettle the child'"

Do you work as a scary clown?

<stubbornly ignores clue in username>

WestieMamma Fri 08-Mar-13 17:31:54

She told you to get rid of your Westie? shock

Kill her.

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 17:42:25

Why is everyone so vile about HV's? Like all professions there are good and bad.
I am hoping to do my training to become a HV but it really puts me off the way people speak about them as if they are all crap/evil/interfering

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 17:45:47

I don't suppose people start threads about the good ones Fut.
My HV nearly 18 years ago was lovely, and just on retirement age.
She was very kind and motherly.

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 17:47:31

And how come your child was having a 6 month review? Most areas do 9-12 month reviews, never heard of 6 month reviews. (sceptical whether this actually happened and if its just an excuse for a bunfight emoticon needed)

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 17:48:39

It just seems on most threads about HV's everyone seems to wade in about them being 'old bags' 'useless' or basically just slating an entire profession. Its weird.

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 08-Mar-13 17:48:51

Fut there ae sone good ones, I just haven't met any yet. All of the ones I've had so far have been childless and there bfing and general advice was misguided at best and downright wrong most of the time. Hope you buck the trend smile

FutTheShuckUp Fri 08-Mar-13 17:51:01

I must say all the ones I work with are a)normal b)nice and c)not 'old bats' at all!

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