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to think the health visitor this morning was a cheeky old bat?!

(115 Posts)
lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 12:50:46

So my very lovely health visitor is off on maternity leave and I had a stand in this morning for DDs 6 month review. She was a total bitch to me. Here are some of the things she said-

'Two babies and your only 24? You have been busy, whats the rush?'

'Do both your children have the same father?'

She told me I should not have a dog- that babies and dogs are not a good mix and I should either keep him outside or 'get rid' of him. (FWIW dog is an 9 year old westie, who has grown up with kids since we got him when he was 8 weeks old. I would maybe understand if he was being boisterous but he was lying in his bed like a slob the whole time she was in'

I should not have a flat screen TV on a stand on the floor- they are extremely dangerous if toppled and it should be put on the wall immediately.

I am foolish for having a toybox and small childs chair infront of the window in living room as children might climb out the window, and she 'hopes to God I dont have my toddlers bed pushed against a window upstairs' Of course I dont!

When asking about 6 month old DD'S sleeping said recently she had been getting up a few times through the night crying but was easily settled with the dummy and stroking her head. She told me I need to let her cry it out, as by going to her and stroking her head and giving her attention I am 'rewarding' her for crying

AIBU in thinking she was really rude or am I just being over sensitive?

TheChaoGoesMu Fri 08-Mar-13 13:22:47

Keep the window locked. Both my dc's beds are against the window because theres nowhere else to put them.
Your hv was very rude.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 08-Mar-13 13:22:53

Hmm, I'm in my 50's too.
I hate the term old bat.

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:24:28

Sorry lady, didn't mean to offend anyone but I hated the way I was spoken too

FeckOffCup Fri 08-Mar-13 13:25:07

About the tv, if you want to keep it on the stand there are safety devices you can get to stop it toppling. See here for some, we have one as our tv would look stupid on a wall in our living room due to the room shape.

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:27:22

Thank you feckoffcup, will look into those as we are tenants in this house so aren't supposed to be drilling walls!

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 13:28:36

smile it's alright lumpybumps. She was an arse and she shouldn't have upset you.

It's just irritating. Midle aged women really are looked down upon as worthless and yet most people on this board would hope to be one one day... Think of it as self interest grin

midori1999 Fri 08-Mar-13 13:30:25


I always wish I would meet one of 'these' HV's, but they never say a peep to me...

FeckOffCup Fri 08-Mar-13 13:30:31

We have the stabilis one which clamps the tv onto the stand and it seems pretty steady, no drilling required.

Pandemoniaa Fri 08-Mar-13 13:31:18

I'm in my late 50s too so have also winced about the "old bat" comments. She' was bloody rude and I suspect her age has absolutely nothing to do with it. However, I dislike seeing all of us in this age bracket being so casually labelled. It is attitude, not age that is at issue.

However, I do wish these rude and judgemental HVs would recognise that their behaviour dilutes any reasonable comments they might have. Because it is important to secure your TV - you can get kits for strapping them down - but this helpful message is likely to get lost in an otherwise patronising stream of consciousness.

sarahtigh Fri 08-Mar-13 13:32:38

she was very rude, you do not have to put up with rudeness from health visitor she has no right to be in your home, you can say, I think you are being very and unnecessarily unhelpful and rude please just leave now ignore threats to tell SS they are not interested unless there is loads of other stuff

please do not move the key far from window someone might need to unlock in a hurry if a fire by all means out of reach but not in the kitchen drawer or another room, many windows can be locked open at just 3-5cm no child can get through a 5cm gap

TV just needs to be secured not on wall, as loads of people tenants and simply would not be allowed to place on wall

eggsandwich Fri 08-Mar-13 13:33:24

she must of got out of bed the wrong side! I remember when I had my ds, my hv asked how I was, and I said to her that motherhood was alot harder than I thought it would be, her response was did we have him as an accessory. If my dh had'nt of been sitting next to me at the time, I would of thought I had misheard her.

Buzzardbird Fri 08-Mar-13 13:34:08

Jesus, I was hoping to be at least 80 before anyone called me "old" and unless I can fly around in the dark with my eyes shut and not bump into anything I will never be a "bat"

Oh, and YANBU (except for the helpful safety advice obv.)

HecateWhoopass Fri 08-Mar-13 13:35:09

You know you don't HAVE to see a health visitor, don't you? And you don't have to have them in your home.

Simply refuse to see her again. If asked, say you found her rude and patronising and that she appeared to look down on you as a young mother.

Startail Fri 08-Mar-13 13:36:33

TVs are very heavy and unlocked windows can be dangerous, BUT she was very rude and off hand and you are totally within your rights never to see her again.

DF has a bonkers Westie and Grandchildren of all ages, he's lovely with them and with my DDs. DD2 takes him for walks. (DD1 is scared of him. Not his fault, DD1 is a teen and knows better, she just doesn't like dogs.)
The HV was VUR!

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:36:43

It's nothing to do with her age and im certainly not labelling anyone in that age bracket!

FlowerPotMum Fri 08-Mar-13 13:38:06

She was completely out of order. I would complain about her to he HV team. The next mother she speaks to like that may not be confident enough to do anything about it.
New mums can be vunerable, they need support. Yes, some of her advice was valuble ( the tv on the wall), but it was hidden amoungst some total crap.

Buzzardbird Fri 08-Mar-13 13:38:28

And yy to sarah's advice on keeping the key in your windows (firemen rarely lock windows).

We bought a very tall cabinet (Hi-Fi unit I think?) to put TV on until she was older.

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 13:38:35

Ok. Then maybe find a different insult than old bat for future smile

I like twat, arse, knobber and cockmonkey. <<helpful>>

NotSoNervous Fri 08-Mar-13 13:39:57

She was being rude! I would phone and complain about her and refuse to see her again

ilovecolinfirth Fri 08-Mar-13 13:43:41

Yeah, she sounds very rude. However, I really don't agree with some of the comments from other people about HVs being on a power-trip, and needing to be re-trained on how to speak to new mums properly. Like all professions, there are those who aren't great, but some people are generalising.

I'm not suggesting you're over-sensitive, as she was bang out of order but I suspect some mums take umbrage over HVs as they don't like feeling as if they're being judged, and don't like the suggestion they're not doing things completely right.

Pagwatch Fri 08-Mar-13 13:45:10

It might be worth feeding back the info to your surgery that she was rude and patronising. You don't have to see her again but she might upset a new first time mother in the early months.
Someone being critical like that would have upset me when I first had DS.

ceramicunicorn Fri 08-Mar-13 13:46:00

Yanbu she was being rude.

My hv wad rude too. She came round when my baby was a few days old. She asked me if I was depressed as I clearly hadn't felt up to cleaning or looking after myself for the last few days! My dh was there and just burst out laughing.

TheFallenNinja Fri 08-Mar-13 13:46:11

She would have been shown the door

lumpybumps Fri 08-Mar-13 13:49:45

Thank you everyone for helpful advice, I hadn't actually realised you didn't have to see them, I always thought it was compulsory! They aren't due back now for another 6 months so my own health visitor will be back by then!

To me the phrase 'old bat' is just a phrase to describe someone who's itritating and patronising! If she had of been mid 30's I still would have described her as an old bat, it's nothing to do with her age. My mother is in her 50s too and I would be lost without her advice. I really didn't mean to offend anyone.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Fri 08-Mar-13 13:55:33

I had a HV visit when DS was a few days old. I badly needed a wee, so placed him in the middle of my double bed.

"Oh my, really? Oh gosh. Oh dear!"

Me -"eh? What?"

"What if he rolls off?" All coupled with OTT hands on her face and 'looking away, I cant look!'

I just rolled my eyes, left him on he bed and had my wee.

Where did she expect me to put him?
I still have no idea? He had no cot. Did she expect me to hold him? Put him on the floor?

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