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to think it's bloody rude to send your DC to a birthday party with NO card or present for the birthday child?

(290 Posts)
ScaredyKnickers Fri 08-Mar-13 10:44:14

This has happened a few times now with different parties for my DC where one or two of the invitees have turned without even a card. On one occasion, the parent had not even replied, DC just turned up empty handed. These parents have never struck me as struggling for money and card can cost only 50p anyway. I would never send my DCs to a birthday celebration without a card and a present. Smacks of 'can't be bothered' to me and complete arrogance.


Dannilion Fri 08-Mar-13 10:48:14

YABU. 50p can be the difference to whether those children ate breakfast that day or not.

YouBrokeMySmoulder Fri 08-Mar-13 10:48:15

A little bit U yes. If it was compulsory you should have said so on the invite. Its uncommon to do it but it does happen.

Of course not responding and then just turning up is bloody rude but turning up empty handed isnt rude, or did you only invite them to get pressies?

beenhereayear Fri 08-Mar-13 10:49:40

It's never happened to me but I would probably be relieved as most kids turn up with a load to tat we don't really want.

beenhereayear Fri 08-Mar-13 10:49:50


RobotHamster Fri 08-Mar-13 10:50:57

Of course it's rude.

MammaTJ Fri 08-Mar-13 10:51:12

I had someone turn up to my DSs party without a present. I had been told by the mum that she was skint, so knew not to expect one. My DS had quite enough presents anyway!

livinginwonderland Fri 08-Mar-13 10:51:27

you shouldn't be inviting kids just so your DC get presents...

wonderingsoul Fri 08-Mar-13 10:51:47

a card and a bar of chocolate can cost less then a £1.

Greensleeves Fri 08-Mar-13 10:52:20

Oh gawd it's the "empty handed" thing again.

No I don't think it's rude. Unless your invitation specified an entry fee. I think it's vulgar to expect something tbh. There could be all sorts of reasons why somebody hasn't managed it and I wouldn't be judging my guests, just pleased to see them.

There will be posters along to say "even a bag of Maltesers would do". I find it genuinely ridiculous.

Catsdontcare Fri 08-Mar-13 10:53:07

I would be a little surprised but would assume they couldn't afford it and would certainly prefer them there and empty handed.

Greensleeves Fri 08-Mar-13 10:53:20

Ah, there we are grin

ChaosTrulyReigns Fri 08-Mar-13 10:53:38

I don't think it's rude.

It's not obligatory, you know.

FannyFifer Fri 08-Mar-13 10:54:32

No need for a pressie, don't think OP was moaning about that, but to turn up without even a card is just bad manners.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 08-Mar-13 10:55:23

YABU just because people dont "seem" to be strapped for cash doesnt mean thats the case.

My DC have never turned up to a birthday party empty handed so far but one time I had to raid DD's piggy bank to buy a present and card (I paid her straight back when DP got paid!) as I had no money to buy the birthday boy something.

leobear Fri 08-Mar-13 10:55:51

I would genuinely be relieved. Children get overwhelmed by too many presents.

BigRedBox Fri 08-Mar-13 10:56:26

I think it's rude but be prepared for a flaming about how you're hideously entitled/rude/wealthy as Croesus etc etc

Shinyshoes1 Fri 08-Mar-13 10:57:27

Maltesers .... Ridiculous ??

Oh don't say that , it's my done thing now thanks to MN, it's a small box though not a bag

Like someone said above you dont know the situation and I'd rather my dd's friend was there and empty handed than not turn up at all because the parents couldn't afford a card and felt embarrassed

georgedawes Fri 08-Mar-13 10:58:11

Why not sell tickets instead? Then you definitely know you're getting something beforehand.

Crinkle77 Fri 08-Mar-13 10:58:15

Not all parents can afford a present but to turn up without even a card is rude. Even if they could not afford to buy a card they could make one

GetOrf Fri 08-Mar-13 10:58:20

I hate cards. I think they should be banned. What a waste of time and effort and paper.

I don't think I would notice if a kid turned up without a present - the start of parties are normally so tumultuous.

I think though that if this happened and I did notice I would be at pains not to make the child in question feel bad. I grew up in skintness and often the presents I took to parties were a bit ropey, I remember distinctly some frosty mothers pursing their lips at me because they thought the presents were not up to scratch.

It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things does it. Kids don't really need all the tat they get at parties anyway. One or two missing won't make any difference.

CockyPants Fri 08-Mar-13 10:59:42

Can't people even be bothered to make a card? Child draw a picture etc? Ask the child to draw a picture of the birthday girl or boy?

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 08-Mar-13 10:59:44

I think it's rude. I've done it before but gave massive apologies and then ended up spending more on pressie and card because it's so late.

To do nothing is crap. We got some kid drawn pics for DS 5th birthday. I liked that. And home made cards.

claudedebussy Fri 08-Mar-13 10:59:52


they could make a card out of anything. at least the effort would be made.

i had a child turn up with a handmade card and no present. it was lovely and by far the nicest card because time, effort and thought had been taken.

KirstyJC Fri 08-Mar-13 11:00:48

We have only had this happen to us once, and although I don't know the mum personally I do know they were struggling as their dad had just buggered off. I was pleased that we able to help her little girl have some fun time away from the difficulties at home and my DS didn't exactly go short of presents.

Another child turned up once with a small packet of chocolate buttons as a gift - DS acutally prefered this present to all the others as it was chocolate! He certainly wasn't bothered that it was cheap.

OP - I think YABU. You can't tell a family's financial circumstances just by looking and if a family is struggling then going to a friend's party may be the only treat the child gets for a while. And if it is just them being tight then so what? It's not the end of the world, is it?

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