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AIBU?

to not expect my 8 year old DS to remember things ...

21 replies

printmeanicephoto · 06/03/2013 16:48

My son is in Yr 4 and has a music lesson once a week at school during lunchtime. He has his sandwiches first on this particular day then has to get to one of the classrooms for his lesson for 12.30.

Sometimes he forgets to go despite me reminding him in the morning. His teacher says she'll remind him if she remembers, but that she's not about at lunch time. She says if he really wants to go he'll remember himself.

Thing is he's only 8 and sometimes just forgets and gets caught up with playing with his friends. He does want to go and seems genuinely upset when he realises he's missed it.

The lessons are actually for Yr 3 but I asked if he could go because the school seems to offer little music provision and it dawned on me that he was never offered any music lessons when he was in Yr 3. So they agreed but made out they were doing me a favour.

Should an 8 yr old need to be reminded to be somewhere at a particular time? I just wish the school would check if he was at the lesson and go and get him if he's not. AIBU?

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/03/2013 16:52

Stick a massive note to his sandwich box on that day!!!

Well, in principle yes he is old enough to remember to go, esp if you remind him in the morning.

However, as the mum of a 10 yo I imagine they forget very easily.

Really though, it isn't for the teacher to remember either so he does need to come up with a way to remember . I am sure the school has enough to do without checking exactly where each pupil should be at a certain time.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/03/2013 16:52

So yes, sorry and in the nicest possible way YABU!:)

Hoaz · 06/03/2013 16:55

Rather than speaking to the teacher, you need to ask the office to leave a note for the head dinner lady. I think then your son will get his reminder.

printmeanicephoto · 06/03/2013 17:02

Yes had thought about the note in his lunchbox this morn! Will def do next time.

Just not sure about whether an 8 yr old should be relied on by the school to remember to be somewhere at a certain time without being prompted at some point earlier in the day.

But I may be wrong.

OP posts:

notso · 06/03/2013 17:12

As the mother of an 8yo DS I can sympathise, DS SHOULD be able to remember things, DD could at his age but DS has different ideas though.
What about a watch with an alarm set to go off at 12.25?

Oblomov · 06/03/2013 17:45

YABU. Ds1 is Yr 4. He does forget things, like his reading book very very occassionally. But right from the start of Year 4, at the parents meeting, in the 2nd week, they asked us, as the objective was to maeke the children more and more independant, to not cotton wool them, to make them responsible for remembering their home work, their this, their that. That's was the schools request to us,as parents.
The fact your ds is regularly forgetting,and more importantly the frightening fact that you seem to consider it their responsibility to get him there, differs from all the things that our school has asked us to do.

Oblomov · 06/03/2013 17:48

"But I may be wrong"
I think you are wrong.
But let's be honest, he's just not that into the lessons is he? If he was he wouldn't forget. One of the little girls from ds's class came round, after school. She bought her violin. She has lessons every week. She never forgets.

printmeanicephoto · 06/03/2013 17:56

Oh ok. Don't think we have had the independence talk from the teachers - but that may underpin what she's getting at I suspect.

OP posts:

MiaowTheCat · 06/03/2013 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2013 18:29

The note is a good idea.

But YABU to think the school shouldn't expect him to take responsibility at his age. If he's in Yr 4 then he'll be getting on for 9yrs old soon.

That's plenty old enough to learn responsibility.

QuanticoVirginia · 06/03/2013 18:30

My 8 year old has flute lesson every week but it is on a different day of the week. He is the one who always remembers and makes sure he has his flute with him so yes YABU.

However I know if it was my 12 year old he wouldn't remember so really it's more down to personality than age??? 12 year old had a particular after school club that he really enjoyed. however for some reason you had to sign up to the club the day before and if you didn't you couldn't go. I think he remembered twice all term and that was with me reminding him on the day!

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 06/03/2013 18:37

I think he is old enough to remember, it sounds like you want him to do it but he's not bothered when it gets to it.

I don't think it is school's responsibility - presumably the other kids remember?

OutsideOverThere · 06/03/2013 18:39

'The lessons are actually for Yr 3 but I asked if he could go because the school seems to offer little music provision and it dawned on me that he was never offered any music lessons when he was in Yr 3. So they agreed but made out they were doing me a favour.'

Seriously? They are! Think from their POV - they've provided a special place for him with another class's lesson, and he isn't coming along.

However you're not unreasonable to not expect him to remember - mine wouldn't either, however much he wanted to go.

squeakytoy · 06/03/2013 18:39

I would expect a child that age to remember.

Yfronts · 06/03/2013 18:44

Leave a note in his lunch box and ask the dinner lady to remind him

Yama · 06/03/2013 18:48

I only have experience (so far) of one primary age pupil and lunchtime activities. She is 7 and remembers to go. She comes home with most of her packed lunch though.

LynetteScavo · 06/03/2013 18:52

I wouldn't expect an 8yo boy to remember....but then I can see how no one is around to remind him to go.

the phrase "a rock and a hard place" springs to mind.

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable.

CloudsAndTrees · 06/03/2013 18:59

Some 8yos will remember easily, some won't. My 12 year old forgets things like that sometimes, but then I know Y1 children that can remember these things easily.

I don't think you can expect te school to remind him, so a note in the lunch box is the best you are going to get.

SanityClause · 06/03/2013 19:09

Sometimes DD1 who is 13 forgets her music lesson, which is bloody annoying.

DS (just turned 9) never forgets his. I asked him how he remembers, and he said "I just do."

Chrysanthemum5 · 06/03/2013 19:24

I had a problem with DS (8) forgetting to come to lessons. I bought him a cheap watch with an alarm. We set it for 15 minutes before his lesson and he's always on time now.

Jinsei · 06/03/2013 19:24

My dd is 7 and in year 3. She could be relied on to remember stuff like this, but some of her friends might struggle.

Our school has emphasised the need for children to take responsibility for their own stuff. They get told off if they say "mum didn't pack my PE kit" etc.

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