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To have told my mother to mind her own business?

(48 Posts)
storminabuttercup Wed 06-Mar-13 16:17:28

I probably was, but she is driving me crazy.

She is constantly telling me what I 'ought to do'

'you don't want to buy a carpet cleaner you want to get so and so in they only charge x' 5 times last week, I want a carpet cleaner as they need doing a lot with a two year old. Same reason given to DM, so she started telling DP.

'You should go to x and buy new dining room set, there is a sale on, yours is old now' it's old but fine, we can't afford it and see above we have a two year old, when I buy a nice new one I want it to stay that way, no dints where ds has 'crashed' his trucks. Told her we will buy one when we can afford to and we need one, she went to x at the weekend and called DP to tell them they had some lovely ones in.

'You need a shoe rack next to this door, you can buy them for next to nothing' not ones that actually fit and allow the door to still open, it's a narrow space, I've been looking for one but they are all two wide. Phoned DP, there are shoe racks on offer at x.

Im on the 5:2 diet which I explained in detail, 'what are you having for tea' oh I'm having x and x, which is met by a smirk and 'I thought you were on a diet?' With a look that says 'storm has failed again I knew she would'

She called in twice today, went on about fuirnature and her new thing which is getting someone in to wall paper (were having it painted, I don't want wallpaper) I was up to my eyes cleaning, I'd mopped the floor and put the shoes that are usually by the door outside. She called in the second time and I'd replaced the shoes, and I got a 'oh storm, you'd made it look so nice, you don't want to be putting them back there'

I'm afraid I saw red, before she started banging on about the pissing shoe racks in bleeding tescos that are too fucking big I said 'please can you mind your own business, the shoes aren't doing any harm, they don't look messy, they are at the back door, no one else seems to mind, I am getting tired of you constantly telling me what I should do, I'm 30 years old, I have a job, a mortgage and a child, please let me make my own decisions'

To which she stormed out, slammed the door and said she won't be offering me any advice again, ill end up apologising tomorrow, but I need to get it written down.

maybe ill have wine, I'm on a feast day

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 16:19:05

YANBU she is being overbearing and needed to be told. Let her have a little sulk and don't back down.

I love your username smile

JackieTheFart Wed 06-Mar-13 16:21:35

YANBU. My own mum can be a bit like this, offering up 'advice' all the time.

I tend to thank her for her opinion and say I'll take it under advisement. Mum knows this means I'll file it away and not change anything grin

Good for you!

storminabuttercup Wed 06-Mar-13 16:23:29

Thanks green

Overbearing is the word I've been looking for.

How does she react to that jackie? My DM will sulk about this for days, ill be accused of treating her like crap, making her ill etc... hmm

NeverQuiteSure Wed 06-Mar-13 17:33:45

I think you were remarkably restrained. YANBU.

You will be unreasonable if you apologise to her though. Perhaps "I'm sorry it came out so unexpectedly, but I stand by what I said" if you really, really feel like you must say something.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Wed 06-Mar-13 17:34:41

I think you're very brave to have spoken out like that. My DM is very similar and I have yet to have the guts to tell her to MHOB.

Don't let her make you feel guilty - you've done nothing wrong!

Explain when you next speak to her that it wasn't your intention to upset her, but that she must understand there's a line between helpful advice and overbearing 'you must' phrases.

And definitely have some wine!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 06-Mar-13 17:37:24

Do not apologise. She will back down if you hold your nerve!

Chelvis Wed 06-Mar-13 17:49:39

I get this from my dad and my inlaws ... all I hear from them is 'what you want to do is ...' - no, it's not what I want, it's what you think I should do. I have started replying 'thanks, if I want to do that, I'll definitely do it'. They don't listen closely enough to realise I'm just ignoring them grin

HecateWhoopass Wed 06-Mar-13 17:50:10

If you apologise, I will hunt you down and slap you until your face falls off.

She needed to be told.

don't backtrack.

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 17:53:05

Or if I were you I would..... But your not me so do fuck off dad!!

Sympathies op totally xx

Aspiemum2 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:53:46

Don't apologise, she's told you she want offer you advice again. This is what you want!

She'll be a little miffed for a while but she'll get over it. You weren't rude, you were assertive - that's ok smile

lurkedtoolong Wed 06-Mar-13 17:53:59

Do not apologise, you did exactly the right thing and sound remarkably restrained in the circumstances.

Well done. Have that wine to celebrate and relax.

Aspiemum2 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:54:16


Longtalljosie Wed 06-Mar-13 17:54:22

To which she ... said she won't be offering me any advice again

I'd call that a result!

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 17:55:48

'I will hunt you down and slap you until your face falls off' excellent hectate..

newgirl Wed 06-Mar-13 17:56:01

You've stood up to her - it's fine - she was interfering - if she was fabulous she could have laughed and said 'sorry I do love my opinions!' and made light of it but she's had a tantrum.

mrsXsweet Wed 06-Mar-13 17:59:16

Wish I had the guts to say something to my mother, well done-
My mother even tries to get me to pass on her advice/suggestions to my friends! She is also a sulker.

digerd Wed 06-Mar-13 18:01:38

Another GOOD FOR YOU!! Your DM has been infuriating and you got a result as she said she won't be offering you advice again - good.

Do not apologise, she should to you if she ever realises how intolerably overbearing and critical she has been.
Feel relieved you told her, at long last, not guilty.

Shellywelly1973 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:05:53

You know your in the not apologise!!

My Dm is awful. Last week i had a miscarriage. Dm was horrified, no not because i was going through a miscarriage but the thought of me having another baby!

She's told me on a number of occasions i should have been sterilized after the birth of my second child.

Before our conversation was finished she made sure she got yet another recommendation for sterilization into the conversation. Most people even if they didn't agree with someone having another child, would have the manners to sound sympathetic.

I can't be bothered to answer the phone now. Thank god for caller I.D!

Shellywelly1973 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:07:30 your Dm,my Dm?!??

StaticSockMonster Wed 06-Mar-13 18:10:42

Another one whos mother can not mind her own bloody business here. But mine is also full of nasty put downs aimed at me in full ear shot of DS who now thinks its ok to talk to me like shit.
Good for you Storm.
As everyone else has said don't back down.
I make my mother ill too. She is going to kill herself because of me.
I've been having that threat for a good ten years now.
Ah the joys!

KindleMum Wed 06-Mar-13 18:17:19

Good for you!

Dawndonna Wed 06-Mar-13 18:20:11

I don't speak to my Mother, it's heavenly. She decided she wouldn't speak to me when I told her that I didn't make her ill, she managed that all on her own!

Beamur Wed 06-Mar-13 18:24:13

What you said was perfectly reasonable. Your Mum needs to learn to treat you like an adult. (Don't apologise!)

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