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I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

(1000 Posts)
WhenIsBedtime Wed 06-Mar-13 09:59:01

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

BabyRoger Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:20

Just what everyone else says. If you get there on time - problem solved.

Maybe if you were only very occasionally late the teacher would wait but he probably doesn't want to wait if you are late often.

BeerTricksPotter Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SavoyCabbage Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:23

You should try and get there 10 minutes before the bell goes so she an have a little play with her friends. I wouldn't wait if I was the teacher.

GinAndaDashOfLime Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:35

YABU lateness does not just "happen"! You are in control of your time - if my dd was as upset as yours is by something I could so easily fix, I'd fix it. Simple.

momb Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:41

Your daughter's distress is your fault, not the teachers I'm afraid.
YABU. Get up 10 minutes earlier and get her to school in time to join the line.

HollyGoHeavily Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:41

Get her there on time - it's your job to do this. You are causing her to be upset when she misses her class, not her teacher.

WhenIsBedtime Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:43

Okay, pretty unanimous answer.

We're late for a whole host of reasons i suppose, just like other people. Spilled cereal down herself, drawed on herself, throwing a fit over uniform, refusing to go to school etc etc.

I can't guarantee i'm going to be there before 9am. I can't predict what my daughter's going to be like every morning.

My issue is that the teacher knows what dd gets like when she sees her class walk inside without her. Yet he does it anyway, even though she's running towards them.

So how do i stop my dd getting upset when she sees her teacher doing this?

It's all well and good saying be there on time every day, and believe me I try to do this, but it's not possible.

givemeaclue Wed 06-Mar-13 10:07:45

"I an genuinely unsure how to help this situation", as everyone on here has said, don't be late, get to school eary . It I, you who is causing your child distress by not getting her to school on time. Get up ten mins earlier. Set alarm for time to leave house. It is not a problem with school, you need to sort it out

MerryMarigold Wed 06-Mar-13 10:08:10

I would speak to him. I assume the teachers of the older classes don't like having to deal with an upset younger child as well their children and I hope they have also spoken to him.

And let it be a lesson to you to be 5 mins early and then you will always be on time smile and your dd will never need to be upset. You do need to factor in unforeseen events like last minute poos or lost gloves etc.

ChunkyPickle Wed 06-Mar-13 10:08:15

YABU. Lateness doesn't just happen. If it's important to your daughter that you are there by 9, then you should be there by 9 - being early doesn't do harm, being late does.

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 10:08:57

Also by being late in the morning you are disrupting your child and setting her up for a bad day! Children with autism need life to run like clockwork.

You do know that most people with school aged children DO commit to getting them to school on time, every day? Lateness doesn't just happen, several times a week unless you are doing something wrong.

angelos02 Wed 06-Mar-13 10:08:57

OP are you for real? Why should the teacher wait for one kid? 'When is Bedtime' is an apt name - its clearly not early enough given that you can't get your child to school on time every day.

sweetkitty Wed 06-Mar-13 10:09:27

Sorry but I think YABU too, get up 15 mins earlier, do your morning routine 15 minutes earlier. Have your DC waiting all ready to go for 15 minutes if needs be.

My DD1 has been at school 4 years, we have been late once, she would be very upset if we were late. Everything about my morning is geared up towards getting my DC out the door and to school on time. I have 4 DC and have had babies during this time too. I'm not a martyr or a superman btw some days my house is a tip, I'm barely dressed but my DC are always at school on time.

givemeaclue Wed 06-Mar-13 10:09:47

You need to allow enough time in morning to debt with spilled cereal, uniform dramas etc. Even if this means getting up an hour earlier! You can fix this and you should

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 10:09:59

It is possible OP. Virtually everyone else is doing it. Get out of bed earlier and have a proper routine in the morning.

StuntGirl Wed 06-Mar-13 10:10:05

YABVU to be late so frequently, especially when you know the distress it causes your daughter.

MerryMarigold Wed 06-Mar-13 10:10:40

Perhaps your questions would be better answered in the Special Needs forum, because in AIBU you are not going to get a lot of sympathy or specific, constructive help for an ASD child.

I do think YABU to moan without asking teacher first if it is possible to wait. If he says, "No" then you know your answer.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Wed 06-Mar-13 10:10:42

see, if you were saying that your daughter sometimes outright refused to go to school and that this meant you couldn't get there at all, then sure, lots of sympathy. but you can get her there, just one minute late.
move all your clocks forward by ten minutes - problem solved with nine minutes in the bag.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 06-Mar-13 10:10:51

Allow extra time in the mornings to clean up after accidents etc.

Point out to your daughter the natural consequences for her being late, ie she will miss her line going in

WhenIsBedtime Wed 06-Mar-13 10:11:13

But dd ends up holding the other classes up anyway.

She'll stand at the bottom of the stairs below the door, pacing and calling out for her teacher, while i'm there trying to persuade her to go inside.

All the other classes behind us then have to wait up to five minutes while another teacher convinces her to get inside.

TroublesomeEx Wed 06-Mar-13 10:11:30

As a teacher and a parent, I have no expectations on my child's teacher to wait for her if we are late.

You need to look at your evening/morning routines and work out how you can get there on time.

Currently, you are a few minutes late and you know that the teacher won't wait.

If you know that the teacher will wait, what will happen? Will your timekeeping lapse further? Will it happen more frequently? Will other people start arriving late too?

Given that you've said your child has HFA, doesn't require additional support and you haven't given ASD related reasons for the lateness, then YABVU.

It's your responsibility to organise yourself better in the morning to get her there on time. That's your job. It's the teacher's job to take the class into school on time.

They are doing their job properly, now it's time for you to start doing yours.

MidniteScribbler Wed 06-Mar-13 10:11:30

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

PoppadomPreach Wed 06-Mar-13 10:11:45

It is not the teacher's fault that your daughter gets distressed when she is late, it is entirely yours. The teacher is not doing anything wrong. In fact, I think it is really, really important that your daughter understands the importance of being on time - when she joins the working world, being on time is critical - it will certainly not wait for her - harsh as that may seem.

Leave the house earlier. Take responsibility.

BeerTricksPotter Wed 06-Mar-13 10:11:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gingersstuff Wed 06-Mar-13 10:11:52

It IS perfectly possible to be on time, every day. It really is. Every single person with Young kids faces the same issues you do and stll manages to make it to school on time. Stop making excuses and get yourself out of the house earlier. You're coming across as being really precious, and lazy.

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