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To only buy one present

(65 Posts)
theweeyin Tue 05-Mar-13 18:04:16

My friend has two children. The eldest is going to be 8 tomorrow and I'm going to pop round with her present & card tomorrow. My friend phoned me about an hour ago asking if i could also bring round a present for her youngest so she doesn't feel left out. I told her that I wouldn't as it's her birthday in April & I will give her a present then. Surely if my friend doesn't want her child to feel 'left out' it's up to her to do something about it? AIBU if I only buy a birthday present for the birthday girl?

MidniteScribbler Tue 05-Mar-13 22:59:57

"You're right dear friend, it would be horribly mean to buy for only one child, and not the other. The fairest thing to do then would be to simply just not buy anything at all. Thanks for saving me the money!"

theweeyin Tue 05-Mar-13 22:56:26

Her youngest is 3 (will be 4 next month) I'm not buying a present for the younger one.... Don't think we will fallout over this (we've been friends for over 20 years) I just couldn't believe her cheek when she asked me & I posted on here to see what others think. I will talk to her about it when i see her tomorrow.

midastouch Tue 05-Mar-13 22:50:26

YANBU if she wants to get a present for her other DC thats up to her but you cant expect everyone else to! How old is her younger DC?

Seabird72 Tue 05-Mar-13 22:46:44

It's terrible she had the nerve to ask. It's her responsibility to buy a small gift so the sibling doesn't feel left out but it's a nightmare to keep it up so a good idea not to bother starting. Can you ditch her? Sounds like she will be a nightmare friend and might hold her unreasonable request against you.

breatheslowly Tue 05-Mar-13 21:23:19

You could equalise it by neither getting a present. We don't do presents for friends' children's birthdays unless we attend a party and then it is just the birthday child. She is very lucky that you are getting one present for the birthday girl!

I did get a present on my brother's birthday from my parents, but that was the only one. My mother suggested that I needed to do this for my nieces' birthdays, but I told her that it wasn't necessary.

thegreylady Tue 05-Mar-13 21:20:19

I can't believe she asked!!
When my dgc have a birtday I take something small for the non birthday child but no-one else does and dd tells me off for doing it grin

pigletmania Tue 05-Mar-13 21:13:21

Your not mean at all, she is a stupid twat

pigletmania Tue 05-Mar-13 21:11:10

Yanbu how rude. She has to teach her child to wait for teir birthday for a present. You were totally right.

EverybodysSootyEyed Tue 05-Mar-13 20:04:06

Totally the wrong way of doing things as it is such a good life lesson to learn to deal with feelings of jealousy etc and to try and develop a generosity of spirit

My sis and I were encouraged to make the day special for the birthday girl and we accepted it was their turn for a special day. Even now my sister likes giving more than receiving (I am ambivalent about both tbh)

My ds let's his little sister open some of his presents for him but that is his choice. I think it's sweet that he recognises that she feels left out

HorryIsUpduffed Tue 05-Mar-13 20:01:07

I don't bother buying for subsequent babies; I bring chocolate for the mother and something for the siblings grin

YANBU. Sharing your sibling's birthday means all the peripheral things (cake, sweets, handed down old toys).

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 19:50:26

Don't sit on the fence there, Norma grin

Truffkin Tue 05-Mar-13 19:50:24

YADNBU I'm practically speechless that anyone would consider it acceptable to request a present for their DC, let alone in these circumstances!

ENormaSnob Tue 05-Mar-13 19:48:40

Your friend is a cheeky fuck.

PandaG Tue 05-Mar-13 19:15:31

my lovely Nana used to buy a tiny present for me and my DSis on each other's birthday - usually either a bottle of Matey bubblebath, or a bar of Cadburys chocolate. We knew it was just a little token and that was that. Nana usually gave us things on special occasions, not every week or month even, so my parents were happy for her to treat both of us a little on the other's special day.

That said, I would never buy a present for non birthday children on their sibling's birthday, apart perhaps for my neice and nephew. We rarely see them and only but for birthday, Christmas and Easter, so a magazine or a pot of bubbles or similar might get produced. I think the other mother is barking!

FeckOffCup Tue 05-Mar-13 19:13:25

YANBU, your friend sounds a bit unhinged, who actually thinks it's acceptable to demand goods from someone and try to emotionally blackmail them when they don't pay out? She isn't doing her children any favours either, if she wants to buy the youngest a small unbirthday gift that's up to her but to get them to expect it from others is setting them up for a big disappointment.

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 19:07:13

You said you were very mean when you said no? hmm She sounds the same mental age as her children...

facedontfit Tue 05-Mar-13 19:05:41

For crying out loud - some people!

BeaWheesht Tue 05-Mar-13 19:05:14

wow I'm amazed by your friend. No yadnbu!!

Fwiw I'm a soft touch and do buy a little thing for nieces / nephews and my kids when their sibling has a birthday but only something like a pack of soldiers for 99p, a bath toy, a Lego mini figure, a sticker book etc. I wouldn't expect anyone to do it though and would certainly never ask!

Scholes34 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:04:52

I used to love my brother's birthdays - I got to play with all his new toys!

Absolutely no need to buy presents for siblings, except as mentioned up thread when a token gift for a sibling of a new born baby might be appropriate, and even then it shouldn't be expected or asked for, nay demanded.

ihearsounds Tue 05-Mar-13 19:04:39

I would have laughed if someone phoned me and asked that I bring the other child a present. The parent between laughter would be told they are having a laugh if they think I am getting 4 presents for their 2 children.
It is utter bollox buying for other children so they don't miss out..If they will have such meltdowns, then imvho, the parents have serious problems.

pluCaChange Tue 05-Mar-13 19:04:11

How horrible! My DC are nearly 4 years apart, and have birthdays in different seasons, so they're very separate. I always talk to the other about what a special day it is, and how s/he is a lovely brother/ sister to celrbrate it, bkah, blah, blah... So each has a day of NOT sharing the limelight. They seem happy so far...

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 19:00:45

No wonder so many kids are such entitled little shits, make em wait, my DD can be disappointed all she likes, tough, not her day, why do people pander to this bullshit about not upsetting their kids.

Fakebook Tue 05-Mar-13 18:57:58

I can't believe the cheek of some people! Do these people really exist?!

Smartiepants79 Tue 05-Mar-13 18:57:14

Why should the other child be upset? Because she didn't get a present on a day that is NOT her birthday.
Unbelievably RUDE!
Can't believe people this socially oblivious exist.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 05-Mar-13 18:51:05

Gets a bit out of hand if everyone gets on this bandwagon. Up to your friend to sort her DCs' expectations and disappointment levels!


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