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Out of control teen boy!

(14 Posts)
Tracey176 Tue 05-Mar-13 14:27:11

My 13 year old sons behaviour has been spiralling out of control for four years and each year it seems he has upped his game slightly. I am at the end of my tether, I just don't know what to do to get him to understand the self destruct path he is on.
We have a lovely home and he has two loving parents but he just cannot behave at school and is constantly being excluded for swearing and defiance, the school are trying to help but he just leant listen to them and I ha been waiting four years for Camhs to see him but apparently they are short staffed and busy!

BumpingFuglies Tue 05-Mar-13 14:29:02

What area are you in OP? There is an organisation called Family Action which may be of help to you. Will see if I can find a link...

BumpingFuglies Tue 05-Mar-13 14:36:53

Link here

You may need a GP referral. You can also contact Social Services for help. We have Family Action involved for a number of reasons and have two young children and a 14 year old son. We have been having similar problems for years too, I know how hard it is. To be honest, it's only since SS have been involved that I've been able to get any REAL help. I'm hoping things will improve soon.

we had similar, nearly drove our family apart dealing with DS1 CaHMs were useless for us so were ss no one could see the problem as he seemed ok to them they did not see him in his rages, they judged us as 'a nice middle class articulate family' no one could find anything to diagnose him with and it seemed without the 'label' no one could offer us anything sad we struggled on in misery for years but gradually as he matured things got a bit easier, he is 20 now and is almost human shock he still has a terrible temper if things are not going his way and he still seems to dislike me much of the time but underneath we can see all his good bits that we somehow thought we had lost along the struggles so I guess the purpose of my post is to say hang on in there. find as much support for yourself as you can and take hope that this may not last forever, stay patient and you will either get help or find him easier as he matures. good luck.

Tracey176 Tue 05-Mar-13 15:14:34

Thank you for the messages, it is so hard to deal with and incredibly frustrating. He started misbehaving in year 3 but we were hoping he would make a fresh start for year 7 at secondary school. I think he has got himself stuck in a cycle of defiance and can't get out of it. He is magnetically drawn to the more undesirable friends and is prob described as that himself by other parents too now. He has been excluded today for three days for swearing at the headmaster and if I try and talk to him about it he just tells me to 'f**k off' or 'your a s**t mum' etc. I don't speak to my parents like that now aged 40 so it is such a shock that he just doesn't care.

Tracey176 Tue 05-Mar-13 15:16:01

BumpingFuglies - am in Surrey x

sad I can hardly bear to recall the awful awful things DS1 said to me in particular, also the violence, I had a black eye once sad he was just so so horrid. If its mentioned now he almost cries, he can hardly believe he was like that but sadly is still capable of telling me to 'fuck off cunt' or 'fuck off and die bitch' if I get angry with him over anything that escalates into a row. At least now he is capable of apologising which never used to happen. Oh boy makes you wonder why you wanted kids doesn't it? and true I would NEVER have done or said things like that to my parents, and I thought I was bringing him up in a similar manner to my upbringing. DS2 who has been brought up the same was not like it, thank goodness I would have been suicidal with two like it I think. I just felt like a total failure. Try and believe it but really underneath he does care, he is just angry at the world for some reason that even he doesn't understand. thanks

Footface Tue 05-Mar-13 17:19:28

There's a teenage section, which you might find helpful

Tracey176 Tue 05-Mar-13 17:21:50

Thank you StepAwayFromTheEcclesCake I know I am not alone on this but there doesn't seem to be any help. The school are pretty much getting ready to permanently exclude him so now the pupil referral unit are involved but I can't even guarantee that he will behave there.
My eldest is 17 now and was a handful but nothing like this and i am relieved to say he just has the usual teenage angst. And he is definitely angry at something!!

taxi4ballet Tue 05-Mar-13 17:53:14

Is there any way you can get your 17-year-old to talk to him and find out what the anger is all about? Or a teenage cousin? He might be able to 'open up' to someone of a similar age...

Tracey176 Tue 05-Mar-13 18:18:32

taxi4ballet - my 17 year old cannot stand the way he behaves and just gets told to F off if he goes anywhere near him. I can't stand the way his behaviour affects the whole house.
I do appreciate all the comments though thank you all!

BumpingFuglies Tue 05-Mar-13 20:24:56

Ah, sorry to hear all that OP. My son has done much the same (and worse). I'm coming to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what you do, they will go their own way

greeneyed Tue 05-Mar-13 20:35:39

Tracey, I can't offer any advice but just to say I feel for you and your family, four years is a joke. Is there any way you can see a psychiatrist privately? I know that's not helpful if cost is prohibitive. I have a simply health plan £18 pm and have just claimed back 50% for ADHD diagnosis and follow up appointment. Deffo second putting pressure on GP for referral

HighBrows Tue 05-Mar-13 20:38:30

Hi Tracey. I really feel for you. I have this T-shirt too.

My advice would be to get this post moved to the teens section, you'll get loads of wonderful support and advice.

My own son was hateful for years, he's 17 now and he's a joy to be around mostly grin

Please hang in there, choose your battles, keep him safe and mostly importantly be kind to yourself.

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